Hi all
i made it thru another day. I have been at my mums house and with a close family friend who is like another mother to me, it’s like people are on shifts supervising me. I had a morning of catatonic spells and death thoughts and as the day has gone by I took it hour by hour. I pushed myself to walk at my old walking track I used to do pre cancer. It was horrible and made me feel ashamed of not being who everyone wants me to be, comparing my old self to this shitty broken one and not being able to feel anything inside. But fuck it at least I walked somewhere. I don’t know how I even managed that actually.
Im exhausted tonight. Drained. My psychiatrist and psychologist are both on holiday til late July so I’m going to up my meds as a survival tactic in the meantime. I don’t know why because I honestly feel like a big fucked up failure with too many problems that are impossible to ever solve.
I hope you all know how much it means to hear that you’re worried for me - I have no idea why anyone would care about me but I think it’s so beautiful that you do. x o x o
