Hello @"Summer Prevails". I will now admit that up to 2 months ago I too wished that I was dead. Since June 2017 I felt that my life had been turned upside down and nothing was the same.
A much needed holiday that I had been planning for 18 months to New Zealand was cancelled because it came smack bang in the middle of treatment. There were 6 of us going. The other 4 went - my husband and I did not. The money for that holiday was used to fund our stays in Perth for treatment - none left now.
Lots of health problems resulting from surgery. But mostly I was suffering from the trauma of the whole BC deal. There was / is no counselling in the area where I live. I am now sort of ok. What did I find helpful. This forum site.
Just to read what other ladies wrote helped me to realise that what I thought, felt and experienced was normal. My fears were rational. My worries were real. My "life is over" feelings were being felt by others.
Life does go on - it is just not as it was. Just hang in there with us.
Anger is all part of this damned disease. I was angry at everyone and everything. Did not matter what. There were a lot of boab nuts chucked at old man boab when I needed to vent my anger and frustration at what life had thrown at me 6 months into retirement. Not exactly what I had planned. (Old Man Boab is safe - my aim is dreadful).
I have learnt a lot from this BC experience. The most important lesson - to be kinder to myself, to put myself first".
