Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...

Small things can kill or cure us. Being connected with the critters that surround me makes me realise how lucky I am. In a non Pollyanna, another glass of wine way. :) 
I can't live up there, everything bites me and I end up with tropical ulcers. I've tried several times over 4 decades but I'm not geared  for the tropics. But we share the joy of loving where we live.

@Flaneuse
I logged on 10 minutes ago after quite a hiatus.  I finished treatment in June, and I've been trying my hardest to drag my body and mind back into my previous life since then.  It's understandably exhausted but now, in late October,  I'm really at the end of my patience with post chemo side effects (then again my levels of patience have never been very good).  I'm turned 40 on chemo and now i feel like i've aged 20 years in 11 months.  

@"Summer Prevails" post and ALL of the 11 pages of posts matched my feelings perfectly.  I'm so fed up and lacking in gratitude.  I'm currently moping about all of the things cancer and treatment have taken from me. ..

But then you post an adorable photo of (what looks like) an Agile wallaby and i look out the window at my 20 acres of bush in outer Darwin and remember that i see at least 5 of those guys every day. As well as possums, kingfishers (three of them claim this place as their home, and so they should , they have more right than me), bandicoots, scrub fowl, green tree frogs, banded tree snakes and myriad birds.  Your photo was the kick in the pants I needed to feel, well not exactly grateful, but at least less petulant about my situation. 

Breathe, another sip of white wine and remember that, although I'm sweating my arse off in the Top End build up and recovering from cancer that could still come back and kill me, I'm surrounded by beauty that will go on and on even if I don't. 

I like that.   

@Sister  :)

Appalling bad form to leave the dishes.

@kmakm Big hug back ! xx

@Flaneuse Ignorance and thoughtlessness are not a good combination, even when it comes from a good place. They could possibly be excused for not understanding about chemo but leaving you with the washing up is poor form indeed. It's nice that they prioritised seeing you but the lesson here is that you have to put yourself first. And that you have to spell it out.

"I'm sorry but having months of poison being pumped into my veins has left me very unwell and I'm just not up to visitors right now. I'll probably be feeling better in a few weeks and would love to see you then."

As for the sensitivity, well I seem to have that too! I'm hoping it will lessen over time because it's inconvenient being so fragile... Hang in there Fran. Big hug, K xox

Very frustrating when people who are kind and well-meaning then do things that annoy me. Friends (a couple) did some re-potting for me in the garden early in the year, and also made me a quilt and stitched a length of fabric on the end of a blanket for me.  They've been travelling overseas for months and are now home, and emailed a few weeks ago wanting to come and visit. That was just after I stopped chemo four weeks short of target, and I was still feeling pretty shite. I said that, and said  I was looking forward to seeing them but I'd get in touch when I was ready for visitors, probably in a couple more weeks. Then last week they emailed and said they really wanted to come and would I be home on Wed; they will come and bring lunch. What could I say but OK? I set the table and got out cutlery and crockery. They came with some soup and bread and date slice "to go with coffee". They heated the soup in a saucepan. We had lunch and they stayed for ages talking. Turns out they'd also been under the impression that chemo was "just taking tablets". Also, they wanted to come Wed because they're leaving on another trip today. They departed "in time to beat the peal-hour traffic home" - leaving me with a heap of washing-up. Yes, most of it was things that could go in the dishwasher. But. I feel guilty that I was annoyed by that trivial thing. I'm becoming super-sensitive to everything people do and I don't feel good about that.

@Sister    I just had to share! This post is about how valid it is to feel ungrateful about where we are now with bc, and we're finding ourselves sharing things that make us feel grateful for where we once were. I grew up on the Atherton Tableland, NQ.
This was our Josephine, brought home late one night as a tiny joey by my uncle. Coming home from a night fishing-trip, his headlights caught a kangaroo jumping across the road and she was killed. In her pouch was Josephine, who found a warm home hanging in a bag near the wood stove. She lived with us for three years until she was ready to mate and went off. She came back to visit twice. She used to jump on my brother's bed and lie with him as he was reading after school. She followed us around the yard like a dog when we were playing outside.


Fran xx

I grew up in Pennington, Adelaide, which for those who don't know is a very established area on the city side of Port Adelaide, with, for the era, standard size house blocks.  The family is the next street kept their horse in the backyard for years - I even got to ride him a few times.

My husband grew up on the other side of town, in the Campbelltown area.  At that time it was still a developing suburb as it had been small farms and market gardens but still very much a suburb.  His sister kept a horse in a vacant block nearby which is now a shopping centre.  Campbelltown has now long been a developed suburb but when I met my hubby, 20 years ago, his Mum had a pet kangaroo in the backyard!

And it's only been in recent years that (I think) they've stopped allowing horses to be agisted in the North Adelaide parklands and along the Torrens by the beach.

How times have changed.

Grade 4 me would have been most envious @tigerbeth!