Forum Discussion
What do I do now?
Hi everyone, I havent posted for a while as I was going through radiation, after my surgery, which is now completed and I did okay, just treating the leftover burns and itchiness which is apparently new skin growing through. Im pretty lucky all considering, but will have to report to an oncologist and surgeon, every three months. Breastscreen doesnt want to see me back there, so I guess mammograms will be arranged for me via the oncologist/surgeon.
Im seeking some advice for life in general, and wondering whether I am suffering from depression. In the last year, prior to my diagnosis, I retired from working life, moved to an area a long way from friends, but close to my only grandson, my daughter's son. They then decided to move to Queensland, and leaving in a couple of weeks. Another daughter lives in Queenscliff, a distance away. Im a bit too far away for friends to want to visit, though some do, now it is expected I will visit them, and I want to, but Im frozen, so things are dropping away. We are all getting older. Im feeling somewhat trapped here, depressed and lonely, though not in a life-threatening way. I dont know what to do next. Ive asked for advice to see if I can find something to move back closer to friends, and familiar surroundings, but things change, and there is expenses attached. Ive looked at a couple of houses, but too much work - my unit is new, and the neighbours arent very social, everyone has their own lives, and a couple are not nice at all. Happens anywhere, guess my tolerance is low because I was used to being in my own home. I have an elderly border collie and a cat - they are my family.
My medical practitioners are a distance from me, back in familiar territory where I used to live. Im getting older, 67, and Im feeling very isolated. The local retirement village seems to be calling out to me - it is kind of affordable down here, and they arrange lots of stuff, and a couple of ladies from the arthritis group live there, and they say its excellent. I know I have to make my own decisions but lots of people are telling me not to go to a retirement village as I will hate it. Im listening to everyone, but not able to decipher anything. I did make a phone call and someone will call me tomorrow, so maybe I can have a look through.
I thought I had a plan for my retirement, and it seemed to work until now, or did it? Did the breast cancer throw this into disarray? I pretty much coped with it all on my own. Is it because my daughter is leaving the state? She is a tough cookie anyway and places too much demand on me, very critical of all I do, so in a way there is some relief attached to this departure. I have to look after their dog until he gets picked up after they leave, and I think that will bring me undone as I love him to bits, and he seems to like me. I put on a good front, but I feel very lost right now.
I thought I would post my message here as many of you have such extensive life experiences that I could learn from. Any advice you might have would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
Silka
Im seeking some advice for life in general, and wondering whether I am suffering from depression. In the last year, prior to my diagnosis, I retired from working life, moved to an area a long way from friends, but close to my only grandson, my daughter's son. They then decided to move to Queensland, and leaving in a couple of weeks. Another daughter lives in Queenscliff, a distance away. Im a bit too far away for friends to want to visit, though some do, now it is expected I will visit them, and I want to, but Im frozen, so things are dropping away. We are all getting older. Im feeling somewhat trapped here, depressed and lonely, though not in a life-threatening way. I dont know what to do next. Ive asked for advice to see if I can find something to move back closer to friends, and familiar surroundings, but things change, and there is expenses attached. Ive looked at a couple of houses, but too much work - my unit is new, and the neighbours arent very social, everyone has their own lives, and a couple are not nice at all. Happens anywhere, guess my tolerance is low because I was used to being in my own home. I have an elderly border collie and a cat - they are my family.
My medical practitioners are a distance from me, back in familiar territory where I used to live. Im getting older, 67, and Im feeling very isolated. The local retirement village seems to be calling out to me - it is kind of affordable down here, and they arrange lots of stuff, and a couple of ladies from the arthritis group live there, and they say its excellent. I know I have to make my own decisions but lots of people are telling me not to go to a retirement village as I will hate it. Im listening to everyone, but not able to decipher anything. I did make a phone call and someone will call me tomorrow, so maybe I can have a look through.
I thought I had a plan for my retirement, and it seemed to work until now, or did it? Did the breast cancer throw this into disarray? I pretty much coped with it all on my own. Is it because my daughter is leaving the state? She is a tough cookie anyway and places too much demand on me, very critical of all I do, so in a way there is some relief attached to this departure. I have to look after their dog until he gets picked up after they leave, and I think that will bring me undone as I love him to bits, and he seems to like me. I put on a good front, but I feel very lost right now.
I thought I would post my message here as many of you have such extensive life experiences that I could learn from. Any advice you might have would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
Silka
28 Replies
- @Bettyboo @iserbrown Beautiful response to a superb post.
- @Bettyboo - just to say that within my local CWA group we all have opportunities to take up if we want.
For example, some of us have sat the Food Safety program so when we cater, privately or Bunnings Sausage sizzle et cetera we are all accredited.
Some have gone and got their Working with Children Check as one of the local Kindergartens had asked if any of us were interested in a 2 hour shift to be stand in grandparents for the kids as sometimes their parents are working and grandparents live too far away.
Our local Health Service runs an Op Shop and put some of us through their health and safety program so we could volunteer at the Op shop.
So what I am saying, membership of a group has lots of other opportunities that you are not necessarily aware of initially.
Take care and best wishes with "Project You" - You're welcome!
Best wishes - iserbrown, thank you for your post, and the thought you put into it - there is so much there that I will print it out and go through it in detail. I have been looking at homes in areas I thought I might be okay in, but nothing standing out. I did meet with the chap at the local retirement village, and it was a good visit, he took his time, and took me around to look at it in detail in the little cart - he knows everyones names, and it seems like it has such a good atmosphere. I have joined a chair arthritis group with leaders who are trained in the exercises, thats where I heard about the village - I quite enjoy the group and the coffee afterwards, listening to their stories. My eldest daughter is coming up today so it might be a chance to have a chat to her, as we farewell the other daughter and family as they drive to Queensland. Today Ive been invited back to the school where I used to work prior to retirement, to help supervise exams, others have asked me to come early to have lunch with them. It makes me feel like I have value - I like all those suggestions iserbrown.
I did attend a retirement workshop prior to leaving work, which was beneficial, I was the only one there who had a plan, and they all said DO NOT LEAVE WORK! The words that stand out to me are crossroads/remnants. You are so right about others getting on with their lives. I sometimes feel so tired, I just have to lie down, and I too have forgotten the journey I have been on. I like your words about making where I am a project and become part of a community. I think I have forgotten that I do have some value.
Thank you everyone x - Hi @Bettyboo, heart goes out to you as you are at the cross roads of what to do and feeling perhaps a little bedraggled after going through treatment! The remnants of treatment seem to linger longer than we anticipate and family and friends don't seem to always understand, we look fine and they are into their own problems and lives. That is what is so valuable about this forum as we get it!
Great advice thus far!
Have you had a look at your local Shire's website for community groups or is there a community Health centre in your area that has gentle exercise, counselling, friendship groups or as someone suggested already, volunteering at the local hospital. I recently experienced volunteers at the Sunshine Hospital, they are fab, the group I experienced were to take you direct to where your appointment is. There's also baby cuddler volunteer Melbourne and most States have this program. The options are endless if you are that way inclined.
Or go to the local library to check out the local information at your own leisure!
Most groups allow anyone to come along as a guest for a couple of times before deciding if it is for you. It maybe CWA, local walking group, photography, quilting, gardening or something that may tickle your fancy!
I guess what you really need to decide is, are you happy where you are, can you make a lifestyle that will suit you and your pets and you have hinted maybe the local retirement village - then make it a project, check it out, do your research
You have hinted that moving near your daughter may not be the best move, then perhaps give that some consideration in another 5 or so years. In the meantime, make your area where you are a project for you to settle into and become part of a community. It is there, sometimes you just need to go and look about!
Take care - kmakm, I know what you mean. I feel for you and I see how supportive you are of everyone else. I know I had a bit of a weep when I saw your article in the Sun, and that was before I 'met' you online. I hope you find a good psychologist to help you through. Blossom, I am in Pakenham, quite a distance from Queenscliff, but thank you, I should have said Ocean Grove. I have been looking to see whats available around that way in my price bracket, but I have a sneaking suspicion my daughter wouldnt be happy about me invading her territory. Just a feeling I have - she is gorgeous and caring, but likes her space.
Another good saying to add to my collection ''lost in survivorship' - you are all amazing, thank you! <3 - Oops, 11am
- @Bettyboo Are you in the Geelong region? I saw you had a daughter in Queenscliff which you say is a fair way away. I am in Geelong and going to a morning tea tomorrow morning. I have never been before but It is for all BC persons. It is held at the Hub in East Geelong. Hopefully you are local and I will see you there.
- I wish I was closer to you @Bettyboo. We could have a cuppa and chew the fat. I'm lost in survivorship as well. I'm seeing a new psychologist tomorrow, hoping that she can throw me a mental lifeline so to speak. I think the best thing for you to do would be to find a support group or two that meets regularly. If you put your postcode into this Cancer Council search page you might find something nearby. Best of luck. K xox
https://www.cancervic.org.au/support-groups/default.asp - Thank you arpie, more wise words which I very much appreciate - I will print out these messages, and hopefully it will all help me formulate a plan.
Riki and Tonia, that is a great suggestion for me and I will make contact to meet up with others. I did see a sign at the radiation place, and I think I took a copy for myself, will have to find it. Beryl, thank you for the advice, I have those plans in place already, though probably not the ACAT, will explore that.
Thank you all, you are all amazing. :smile:
