Forum Discussion
Stranger reactions and losing one's temper!
Had a new thing happen today.
I woman I'd met only once before two weeks ago, and only to say hello, asked me how I was going (Chemo 3, death warmed up). I answered 'not awesome' and she said, grinning from ear to ear, 'been there' and without pausing asked me if I had any lymph node involvement.
Something just snapped inside me. I am very open about this stuff and until now, have answered any questions put to me. But there was something about the gall of this grinning woman who doesn't know me from Adam, wanting to know something so diagnostically specific. So I said I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with someone I didn't know.
She rushed on and said she knew just how I felt, that she'd been there. My goat was up, (this was in my home) and as I herded her towards the door, I said 'are you raising your dead sister's children and caring for your father-in-law because his daughter died from a brain tumour?'
I am mortified! Suffering is NOT a competition! She caught me on a really bad day and I will apologise to her next time I see her in two weeks. Has anyone else made an absolute tit of themselves like this?! Please say yes...
I woman I'd met only once before two weeks ago, and only to say hello, asked me how I was going (Chemo 3, death warmed up). I answered 'not awesome' and she said, grinning from ear to ear, 'been there' and without pausing asked me if I had any lymph node involvement.
Something just snapped inside me. I am very open about this stuff and until now, have answered any questions put to me. But there was something about the gall of this grinning woman who doesn't know me from Adam, wanting to know something so diagnostically specific. So I said I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with someone I didn't know.
She rushed on and said she knew just how I felt, that she'd been there. My goat was up, (this was in my home) and as I herded her towards the door, I said 'are you raising your dead sister's children and caring for your father-in-law because his daughter died from a brain tumour?'
I am mortified! Suffering is NOT a competition! She caught me on a really bad day and I will apologise to her next time I see her in two weeks. Has anyone else made an absolute tit of themselves like this?! Please say yes...
32 Replies
- Or just be difficult to get along with... No - state of grace is probably more elegant.
- Thank you @Jacifran123, I hope so. Aiming for a state of grace in this whole schmozzle. Don't know that I'll get there but trying.
- I’ve had days like that during chemo days. Take it easy and forgive yourself. We are allowed to be angry especially during the early stages of cancer because everything that’s happening to us is new. We have to adjust to a lot of things. Be kind to yourself. The lady I’m sure understands why you lashed out on her because like she said, she’s been there.
- @Zoffiel @onemargie Thanks womyn
- hi there love its totally ok to lose your shit especially as you are dealing with so much more as well. did she offer to help you out or cook a meal for you "since she knows what you're going through" you have enough on your plate already let alone dealing with her as well. we are all guilty of having to lashing out at times but she should understand. don't beat yourself up over it love.. big hug Margie xxx
I've lost my chop on a number of occasions. My pet hate is "What's your prognosis?' which has come from stunning range of people, those I know to perfect strangers. It's probably best if I don't reply 'What's yours? Any idea when you are likely to die?'
Oh well, another guilt to carry in the dark early hours. It's possible she might be a great ally in the future--if she's been here, she will get it.
- Thanks @sister
- We need a "hugs" or something similar to that as well as the "like" - I haven't had that happen (yet) @kmakm but apologise if you can and move on. If she doesn't accept your apology, you're not losing much and you will know that you've done what you can. We're just human and sometimes it's the smallest thing that can set you off when you're carrying a load.
- Thank you @Afraser
- Forgive yourself now. If she is half as caring as she seems, she will totally understand. She fell over herself identifying, which is a bit of a change from those who haven't a clue but both can demand patience which you just may not have. I think most people with cancer have had to worry about/accommodate someone else's reaction and sometimes you aren't ready for it. Apologise by all means but then let it go. You haven't got room or need to carry guilt. Best wishes.
