Post surgery, post chemo, still scared

I know for me referring to myself as someone who had cancer and as a SURVIVOR really helped me to believe it. But it took some time. I'm almost 2 years post chemo and 2.5 years since diagnosis and surgery. Most days now I feel confident I'm now here for the long hall but at the back of my mind I have the niggling fear It might still kill me. However ...to get joy back in my life "thinking" I am cured has helped me be happy, regain my health and fitness. I've just decided I will deal with it if it happens and not spend any more time thinking about it. That doesn't mean I don't over react with simple health issues I used to ignore. But...I am proactive...get it checked...then move on. X

I just feel it's inevitable that it will come back somehow. I'm told this it's common to feel like this and that it will fade in time. Hope so. However I can't think that there will never be a shadow. That's just the way life is post-cancer I suppose. I can't tell you how I manage this because I'm still trying to work it out myself!

@subbaculture - that's exactly how I feel - post mastectomy and post chemo everything was clear but I still feel like a ticking time bomb.  I cant ever imagine being in fear of it returning to some degree or another.

Fear @subbaculture, it's normal to fear the cancer coming back. My chemo failed to do anything and after six months of the poison my tumor had grown from 6cm to 9cm when I had mastectomy. I know I'm in the high risk category for it coming back but I have done all I can do. I'm getting on  with life and not worrying about what I can't change. Not easy I know but in time the fear will fade. All the best.
XO

Hi @subbaculture

Yep - I reckon it is a pretty normal feeling to have - but try not to 2nd guess it too much!  Your medical team would be making the best decisions on your behalf - I was lucky to dodge the chemo bullet, but had radiation & am now on hormone tablets for 5 years ...... 

Technically, once you've had the surgery & the pathology shows clear margins (that it hasn't spread beyond the tumour site) ..... you no longer have cancer!!   From there, you are being 'treated for cancer', depending on what path your team takes you down.

If you have recovered well from your surgery & are not in pain ..... try & get back into things that you love doing.  Even try some 'new things' as a part of the 'new you' ..... like Ukulele (one of my passions!  LOL)  

I wish you well on your recovery - as Brenda says - it gets better with time ..... I have many friends who are from 5 - 25 years clear after their surgeries - and not all had chemo or radiation!!

All the best xx

Yep but each year the fear grows a little less and eventually you just end up daring it to come back. Put up or shut up is my motto lol. :)