Hi @"Holly Prevails"
I've had two bouts of BC --Version 1 and V2. I , too can identify with what you are saying. V1, I had all manner of trouble with surgery that went on and on (still have issues) but mentally I was OK. Maybe that was because I was still part of the system long after chemo and didn't feel so much like I'd been cast out on my own. By the time I'd had 7 surgeries I was well and truly ready to get the hell away from the medical system.
This time has been very different. In the intervening years two of the founding members of my Team Titty have died and I feel like everyone else is getting a little jaded. '''Again, Marg? Really?'. Physically I'm taking a very long time to recover which, of course, impacts on my mental health. Its not doing my bank balance any good either.
I also have a long standing relationship with a shrink, but I'm struggling to afford to see her, and I'm not sure that there is much she can do anyway. OK, maybe we could continue some anger management stuff and work on my coming to terms with my situation, but while I'm still seeing my broken body as the problem I don't know that's useful either.
Its the everyday stuff--I try really hard not to be a downer if I'm asked how I'm doing. What do you say? Perhaps that why some people don't ask, they can take one look at me and go, 'Nup, I don't really want to know.' The other end of the equation are those who keep bloody asking in the hope of getting some bad news, I don't feel like being the exclamation mark at the end of someone's story about the people they know who have cancer. They can get stuffed. See, no wonder people are conflicted about how to approach the subject...
Keep plodding and treasure the good hours. They are there, it's just too easy to focus on the dark stuff. I'm going to plant more trees today. Nothing says 'Hope' more than planting a garden. Mxx
