Evening lovelies, I have been having a hard time lately with being empathetic with my friends and family over, what seems to me, such trivial problems. I understand everything is relative to whats going on in everyone’s world but I feel that this is causing a rift in between mine and my family and friends relationships and I’m feeling a little lost and frustrated... am I being completely selfish or is what I feeling at least a little bit normal!? In addition to this I constantly checking in and asking about their lives and i get the full run down but when it comes to me I feel I can’t really tell them what’s going on as they just don’t understand x

I can totally relate to this. I remember being in the middle of AC chemo, where I had spent nine days in hospital with side effects, (febrile neutropenia and more). A cousin's daughter had posted a photo of one of her acrylic nails having been broken, along with the comment of "devestated!!!". Then, after completing six months of chemo and a bilateral mastectomy which earned a stay in ICU for eleven days followed by a further two weeks on the surgical ward (long story), I had a family member going on about having OMG....a cold sore. Well f**k me dead....what a tragedy..... It sure is hard feeling empathy with trivial complaints such as this, but the fact is that for many healthy individuals, these First World problems are real...real, I say!!! Of course if I mentioned my problems, the shutters would come down and a change of subject would soon happen. With some, I found I could just put it in my "Don't Give a Toss" basket, and keep my cool, with others, I'm afraid I simply left them in my rear view mirror.

I kind of took pleasure in other people's trivial stuff while I was doing treatment. I felt like my stuff was so big that it was really hard to talk about, and I'd get to feeling like it was all I ever talked about, so I'd encourage them to talk about the silly things. Anything to take the focus off my bs situation.

One of the very few good things about cancer is that it does redefine what you consider to be a problem. I’ve just been through a work issue that eight years ago would have had me an agitated mess. Instead I just (relatively quietly) pointed out the stupidity, the easy way to fix it and the hard way to fix it and it’s fixed. It’s a lousy way to learn that lesson but take the good where you can get it. When other people’s trivial ‘disasters’ annoy, just quietly drift out of the conversation.

@Mic80 At present you have an heightened awareness of everything around you including your own health and the constant appointments. Others are quite often so self-absorbed that they come across as not caring. Things will settle and in the circle of it all some friends will stay and others will drop off. I lost a friend of 40 years because all of a sudden it was about me and that's not her nature, centre of attention type person! Occasionally I miss her but if I think a little longer I think no she was part of the season that is over!Take care and best wishes in sorting it out and please don't let it get to you! Concentrate on yourself and your immediate family and upcoming treatment

Yeah everything is very heightened and I guess I just need to try to be more patient and remember my health is my issue and not everyone else’s. I think I’m just feeling a little lonely and scared in this “journey”thanks for all your thoughts xx

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JennyD78
Member
6 years ago
I kind of took pleasure in other people's trivial stuff while I was doing treatment. I felt like my stuff was so big that it was really hard to talk about, and I'd get to feeling like it was all I ever talked about, so I'd encourage them to talk about the silly things. Anything to take the focus off my bs situation.
Afraser
Member
6 years ago
One of the very few good things about cancer is that it does redefine what you consider to be a problem. I’ve just been through a work issue that eight years ago would have had me an agitated mess. Instead I just (relatively quietly) pointed out the stupidity, the easy way to fix it and the hard way to fix it and it’s fixed. It’s a lousy way to learn that lesson but take the good where you can get it. When other people’s trivial ‘disasters’ annoy, just quietly drift out of the conversation.
youngdogmum
Member
6 years ago
I've had has a really difficult time with friends this year. I'm of the belief if they weren't there for me these past six months I don't want them in my life anymore.
iserbrown
Member
6 years ago
@youngdogmum - in time friends come and go!
Some friends are good times only, they don't have the emotional capacity to cope with their own ups and downs, let alone someone else's
The ones you least expect are sometimes the ones that provide support, emotionally and or practically
My dear friend of 40 years, that I mentioned earlier, was always centre of attention and down most of the time and it was me that would lift her, because I wanted to see her in a better place, however, there was no return favour when I needed it, hence she is part of a season that is over

Take care
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
@youngdogmum I'm sorry to say it but I agree with you. However I don't believe it has to be angst ridden. Mentally thank them for the good times, and let them go with ease. They weren't up for the bad times, it's just the way they are. You have been forged in a hotter fire than them and they have nothing to contribute to your life anymore.

I am very fond of the Maya Angelou quote:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Big hug lovely, K xox
Glynnis
Member
6 years ago
@youngdogmum I'm with you there, anyone of my friends that weren't there when I needed them for a change I no longer have contact with, the ones that are important to me are still in my life no matter what
Mic80
Member
6 years ago
Thanks for the help ladies xx
Really appreciated xx

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