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Friday Funnies
So in an effort to begin the weekend with a smile I thought I'd post a picture of something I saw in an antique shop recently.
Never mind about all the rest, when is THIS going to be listed on the PBS?!
And on the reverse:
Never mind about all the rest, when is THIS going to be listed on the PBS?!
And on the reverse:
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- An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.No charges were filed.The moral of the story?If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
- A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found yournote asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"The blonde said,"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"The blonde said,"No, just up to my tits ...I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
- Haha
- That reminds me of one I read the other day (I'll get it wrong but you should get the gist)...
Setting: Somewhere in USA
Two policeman at a large event chase an Australian crook and he disappears into the crowd.
One policeman says to the other, "We might as well give up 'cos we'll never find him in that"
Second policeman says "He's Australian, isn't he? Watch the crowd."
He gets up on stage and steps up to the microphone and sings "Am I ever gonna see your face again?"
From the middle of the crowd comes one voice "NO WAY, GET F@$KED, F@$K OFF!"
"There's your man" he says.
