Things are good 14 months after chemo and 5 months after Herceptin finished. I accept my scars and the side effects I have are now part of the new me and I am getting on with things. I am not thinking about cancer every day. I am making decisions about my future that are not cancer driven. So all good.BUT lately if someone genuinely asks me how I am after treatment (as opposed to the usual "how you going?" you get each morning from your work colleagues) I just totally lose it and burst into tears. It's all too emotional and I just can't talk about it. This is new. I wasn't like this 2 months ago. Today I went to a life after cancer workshop. Couldn't last more than 15 mins. Just bawled my eyes out when people starting talking about their treatments and challenges. I don't know why I find it all so raw now when the worst is over? Just wondering whether others have had similar experiences?

Yep, the most common comment besides how are you doing is that you're looking well. My general view is that there is a distinct lack of education in the community and that lots of people don't know what to say or do, so they say and do stupid shit with the best of intentions.Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.... Please know that you are unique, individual, and valuable. Keep your head high and understand that some people don't know how to speak to people diagnosed with cancer in a way that makes us all feel comfortable, it's just how it is, it's not personal.Sending you a huge cuddle, Trace xxx

@Nadi crumbs we are all so fragile and exhausted by it all. Your reaction is coming from a brave you who has let her guard down. Nice to try a workshop however it doesn't always cut it. Just roll with the emotions as you're still raw from the trauma of it all. I don't cope with someone saying you look so well. Sensible me knows they are being genuine. Angry me thinks why aren't I supposed to look well? I put a bit of effort into looking well. That just shows me I'm still raw and touchy and haven’t come out of the fog. Roll with it you will be fine in time.Take care sending you a virtual hug from Christine xx

I think really in the middle of treatment etc you are so overwhelmed coping with it all you don't think more than past getting through the next week and hoping just to survive. So now we have. Now the fears are what remain. Every darn niggle, skin spot, every headache scares us. Every sad story we here of others not doing so well and it hits home ...that could be me. We hope so much we are going to be the ones that beat this disease and get to post on here celebrating our 5, 10 and beyond years of NED. But....in the back if our minds we are always worried it is just lurking. Grieving for the old healthy life (where for a lot of us we just worried about getting a bit fat) is real. Accept we are changed forever Nadi both physically and emotionally . Allow the tears. Acknowledge fears ...then once again put on that smile, determination and carry on. No shame my bc sister. I'm right here with ya and struggling too. Kath x

I know where you're coming from @Nadi ....little things can send me off - without warning...like last year I was at a meeting when my son came home from camp and we were asked to talk about the experience with our sons. We were encouraged to make a promise to them. My promise was that I would always be there for him...and then I burst into tears! Then my son teared up and my hubby...and we had a group hug. It's just simmering below the surface.But what makes us sensitive also gives us an extra perspective on life...that only those who have walked in our shoes can understand. It helps us to cut through the bullshit, meet things head on and be honest.Don't you think?Nikki xxxx

@Nadi I have observed the same reaction in others. I was at an event for people with breast cancer. We were sitting on couches and chairs in a lovely relaxed space. We were asked to give a brief summary of where we were in our treatment. We were then going on to art therapy. One lass could not take it and left the room totally overwhelmed. Another lady admitted to me she had a tear in her eye listening to the group. I didnt burst into tears but was very shaken.I have walked in their shoes and know what some of it is like.I also become undone when someone is compassionate and really wants to know how I am. The problem is when you are getting your strength back you may be overdoing it which then effects your emotions.Just a thought make sure you have snacks eg almonds fruits etc keep your blood sugar level stable.I have hypoglycemia if I dont eat regularly my physical and mental health suffers

Feeling a bit silly... | BCNA Online Network

13 Replies

primek
Member
9 years ago
I think really in the middle of treatment etc you are so overwhelmed coping with it all you don't think more than past getting through the next week and hoping just to survive. So now we have. Now the fears are what remain. Every darn niggle, skin spot, every headache scares us. Every sad story we here of others not doing so well and it hits home ...that could be me. We hope so much we are going to be the ones that beat this disease and get to post on here celebrating our 5, 10 and beyond years of NED. But....in the back if our minds we are always worried it is just lurking. Grieving for the old healthy life (where for a lot of us we just worried about getting a bit fat) is real. Accept we are changed forever Nadi both physically and emotionally . Allow the tears. Acknowledge fears ...then once again put on that smile, determination and carry on. No shame my bc sister. I'm right here with ya and struggling too. Kath x
iserbrown
Member
9 years ago
@Nadi crumbs we are all so fragile and exhausted by it all. Your reaction is coming from a brave you who has let her guard down. Nice to try a workshop however it doesn't always cut it. Just roll with the emotions as you're still raw from the trauma of it all. I don't cope with someone saying you look so well. Sensible me knows they are being genuine. Angry me thinks why aren't I supposed to look well? I put a bit of effort into looking well. That just shows me I'm still raw and touchy and haven’t come out of the fog.
Roll with it you will be fine in time.
Take care sending you a virtual hug from Christine xx
Anonymous
9 years ago
Yep, the most common comment besides how are you doing is that you're looking well.
My general view is that there is a distinct lack of education in the community and that lots of people don't know what to say or do, so they say and do stupid shit with the best of intentions.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.... Please know that you are unique, individual, and valuable. Keep your head high and understand that some people don't know how to speak to people diagnosed with cancer in a way that makes us all feel comfortable, it's just how it is, it's not personal.
Sending you a huge cuddle, Trace xxx

Forum Discussion

Feeling a bit silly...

13 Replies

Recent Discussions

Wise words ....

Friday Funnies

Today's feelings in poetry

Baring all

Reaching out

Disclaimer:

Foundation partner	Major partners