Doing really well but it's never far from the surface
LIfe is good at the moment. It has been 2 and a half years since my diagnosis. Surgery, chemo, radiation and Herceptin are a just a memory. I am over my latest bout of fatigue thanks to taking Vit B and magnesium. Hot flushes at their peak again, but I now just think of them as BAU - business as usual. Work is great. I am also booking the next trip on my bucket list as we never know what the future may bring so why wait - off to Egypt in October/November. So all good.
Except, on the weekend, I had dinner with a friend who I hadn't seen for about six months. She asked me about my 'prognosis'. I was taken aback. I don't think like that. I think I'm cured. I said as much. She pressed and asked if I still get checked out, and if so how often. I kept trying to be reassuring after a few more specific questions that I was fine, and that I expect to continue to be fine, and told her in a polite a way as I could that I don't really like to talk about it. But ever since that dinner, I have felt rattled. I've even had two dreams about my cancer returning since that conversation.
I just find it strange that although I am truly trying to put cancer behind me, it doesn't take much for my fears to be stirred up all over again. I guess that too will get better in time.
I also am finding it uncomfortable to comment on posts to the network. I come on to the BCNA online network a couple of times a week. I look forward to hearing from the wonderful women who I have come to know since my time here, but for some reason now I have finished active treatment I don't feel qualified to comment or offer advice. And so while I read a lot, I don't say as much as I used to. But I would still like to support women and give back as I have found incredible support here since I joined. The amazing women here have really got me through some tough times. So even though I don't say it these days, thanks again ladies. You're truly awesome. And for the newbies here, this network is amazing and I wish you all the best for whatever journey you are on.
Finally, the recent robust conversation regarding drugs added to the PBS that I personally read as attacks on BCNA have also really rattled me. I understand that people are disappointed with decisions made by government. I understand that anger comes from fear, frustration and hurt. And so I try to look past the anger and see the hurt, fear and frustration some of us are feeling towards governments, bureaucracies and big pharma. These women are fighting for their lives and I am truly sorry for that. This network should be a place where we can express our anger, our fears, our frustration and the hurt we are feeling. We are here to support one another through good times and bad. But no matter how horrible we are feeling, we should be respectful towards others. Let's curse at the sky, let's yell at the decision makers, but let's support those who support us. We can still say that we are disappointed, we can emphasise that we hope more can be achieved in the future, and that this issue should remain a priority, and above all else we can disagree with one another, but we should always do it with respect.
To all, wishing you the best
Nadine
Except, on the weekend, I had dinner with a friend who I hadn't seen for about six months. She asked me about my 'prognosis'. I was taken aback. I don't think like that. I think I'm cured. I said as much. She pressed and asked if I still get checked out, and if so how often. I kept trying to be reassuring after a few more specific questions that I was fine, and that I expect to continue to be fine, and told her in a polite a way as I could that I don't really like to talk about it. But ever since that dinner, I have felt rattled. I've even had two dreams about my cancer returning since that conversation.
I just find it strange that although I am truly trying to put cancer behind me, it doesn't take much for my fears to be stirred up all over again. I guess that too will get better in time.
I also am finding it uncomfortable to comment on posts to the network. I come on to the BCNA online network a couple of times a week. I look forward to hearing from the wonderful women who I have come to know since my time here, but for some reason now I have finished active treatment I don't feel qualified to comment or offer advice. And so while I read a lot, I don't say as much as I used to. But I would still like to support women and give back as I have found incredible support here since I joined. The amazing women here have really got me through some tough times. So even though I don't say it these days, thanks again ladies. You're truly awesome. And for the newbies here, this network is amazing and I wish you all the best for whatever journey you are on.
Finally, the recent robust conversation regarding drugs added to the PBS that I personally read as attacks on BCNA have also really rattled me. I understand that people are disappointed with decisions made by government. I understand that anger comes from fear, frustration and hurt. And so I try to look past the anger and see the hurt, fear and frustration some of us are feeling towards governments, bureaucracies and big pharma. These women are fighting for their lives and I am truly sorry for that. This network should be a place where we can express our anger, our fears, our frustration and the hurt we are feeling. We are here to support one another through good times and bad. But no matter how horrible we are feeling, we should be respectful towards others. Let's curse at the sky, let's yell at the decision makers, but let's support those who support us. We can still say that we are disappointed, we can emphasise that we hope more can be achieved in the future, and that this issue should remain a priority, and above all else we can disagree with one another, but we should always do it with respect.
To all, wishing you the best
Nadine
