Afraid to finish chemo

Thank you Giovanna 

Hello @ddon I have attached link below which explains how to send private messages.  Any problems call 1800 500 258
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/comment/87144/#Comment_87144

Thank you shell shocked. How do I pm you? Would love someone to communicate with because I don’t know anyone going thru this or anyone who has been thru it recently. 

Hi ddon, 
Know exactly where you’re coming from.
I finished chemotherapy last July and Radiotherapy last October.
I like you was very anxious and felt like my safety net had been taken away from me, like you I thought whilst this evil stuff is being pumped through me I’m going to be ok.

Im now 6 months post Chemotherapy and feeling better all the time, Had first mammogram in December had the all clear after diagnosis and treatment.
I felt much better after the first check up.
Keep yourself busy with things you love to do, stay around positive people, I’m finding even now that meditation is helping me enormously.
Speaking with a therapist is an excellent idea, as like you I don’t want to burden my family with more.
Talking here is also a great way to express your feelings as we understand.
If you want to pm me we can also speak privately as I’m not that far in front of you and have just recently been through those emotions.
Stay positive as it does get better, give yourself time to adjust it does get easier.
Stay in contact with your BC nurse, you are never alone.

Sending hugs xx

ddon said:

Thank you - I think I will have to make some plans on structured things to be doing when treatment is over. I do worry about the expectation from others that treatment is over and now life goes back to normal but people don’t understand the toll it all takes physically and emotionally. 

Absolutely, I'm 5 years on from chemo & radiation. Still on long term meds that have continued to mess with my body and life's plans. I'm just a lot more assertive, if people throw me any grief or question why you're still struggling. I say I'm still doing treatment and doing it tough 
I've become better at knowing what I can and can't control and I definitely can't control others expectations or actions 

Thank you - I think I will have to make some plans on structured things to be doing when treatment is over. I do worry about the expectation from others that treatment is over and now life goes back to normal but people don’t understand the toll it all takes physically and emotionally. 

I would have to say the scariest part of having treatment was finishing up my active treatment of chemo & radiation. Even though I was having monthly injections & monthly oncologist appointments...its not the same as having treatment that you know is actively killing cancers butt. It's a scary time and literally everyone else is like yay it's over & they put it behind then but there's no way we can and so we're almost expected to "get over it" 

I like kmakm thoughts around having other plans, something that gives us structure like treatment did. 
Counselling - especially around grief & loss 
Massage 
Exercise
Nutrition

Thank you all. I know this is the place where I feel understood. These teary sessions that I don’t exactly have a reason for, and the hours laying awake at night and the complete inability to make future plans because I don’t know if I will be back having treatment or just not here at all.  This is a wonderful place of support and kindness. 

Hi @ddon totally understand your feelings - I finished chemo in Jan and had my last radiotherapy on Thursday - so everyone is saying " great - congratulations, etc!"  and I  don't know what i think - thought I would be relieved to get to the end of active treatment, thought I'd been coping well (or reasonably well) - but then on Wednesday - one day before finishing had a total melt down - couldn't stop crying over nothing (and unfortunately was at work which made it worse).
Went home - cried to my husband who was very sympathetic as usual  - but as we all know if you haven't been through it, its very difficult to understand what goes through our minds.
Best thing I can say is I went on Thursday - had my last session and then on Friday went back to work with happy face and much happier heart - felt really positive - so hope that lasts.  
Take care you will get through those last few treatments and none of us know what the future holds  (as I write this I have Doris Day singing Que Sera Sera - whatever will be - will be - going through my head)
Happy thoughts and wishes to you  xx

I got the heart electrical fault problem too. Seven years on, who cares about taking beta blockers! Happy to do so as I am just fine (and on holiday!). Things get into perspective as you get further away from diagnosis (although the lump under the arm is a shocker - I already had a seroma and got a schwannoma as well!). All benign, all well now. Try and take things one at a time if you can.