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MandaMoo's avatar
MandaMoo
Member
12 years ago

Acceptance

It has come to be in the past week that I need to accept decline.

I, once again am faced with a choice.  To live in sadness at what is happening to me or cherish the moments I have.  

The decline in my quality of life in a short time is difficult to accept.  I have lived with this disease for 2 1/2 years with minimal, though annoying, disruption to usual programming.  Now however, I have the constant companion that is the urge to cough.  Along with her, is her friend fear and occasionally another friend - escalating emotions and thoughts surrounding impending death.

I have decided to retreat, to cocoon, to allow my body rest, to meditate, to love and care for my husband and children and save my energy for them, to be happy I have walked around the block (and not sad that it wasn't further), to cherish sitting in the Spring sunshine and the acute awareness of it's beauty. In doing this a couple of new friends appear - hope and gratefulness.  While I am still here, there is hope.  My symptoms do not always mean that my impending death is imminent but they do heighten my senses. 

Yes, accepting decline is difficult but once again I have a choice.  I choose to continue to live.

A x

anxiety
depression
emotions
family
inspiration

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  • Amy's avatar
    Amy
    Member
    12 years ago

    To my dear Amanda

    Sending you all my love.  Soak in that spring sunshine, stay close to your family and those who love you, and hold on to those two friends, hope and gratefulness.

    Amy xxx

  • Michelle_R's avatar
    Michelle_R
    Member
    12 years ago

    You are living every minute of every day, and we can all learn from you.  To treasure our family, to feel the sunshine, to cherish the moments. You are so right - choose to live - and I send you love and strength and hope, and a gentle cyber hug.  Michelle xx

  • Michelle_R's avatar
    Michelle_R
    Member
    12 years ago

    You are living every minute of every day, and we can all learn from you.  To treasure our family, to feel the sunshine, to cherish the moments. You are so right - choose to live - and I send you love and strength and hope, and a gentle cyber hug.  Michelle xx

  • Maxine's avatar
    Maxine
    Member
    12 years ago

    You have such grace Amanda and I can feel your emotions through the words on the page so clearly.  You remind us all of the simple pleasure of just sitting in the spring sunshine and never taking it for granted. Max x

  • Maxine's avatar
    Maxine
    Member
    12 years ago

    You have such grace Amanda and I can feel your emotions through the words on the page so clearly.  You remind us all of the simple pleasure of just sitting in the spring sunshine and never taking it for granted. Max x

  • Janet_Plummer's avatar
    Janet_Plummer
    Member
    12 years ago

    Keep hoping, keep nurturing yourself and your family. I wish there was something more useful or at least consoling I could say which doesn't involve a cliche or a tired old phrase about how brave you are. As you've said yourself, while you're here there is hope. xox

  • Janet_Plummer's avatar
    Janet_Plummer
    Member
    12 years ago

    Keep hoping, keep nurturing yourself and your family. I wish there was something more useful or at least consoling I could say which doesn't involve a cliche or a tired old phrase about how brave you are. As you've said yourself, while you're here there is hope. xox

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    12 years ago

    You have an intelligent mind and a beautiful soul-you will adapt but not give in  to your body's limitations.How wise you are to enjoy your family and nature's gifts.Wishing you many more of these simple pleasures. Tonya xx