Trying to Stay Positive my journey
"You look so well, lost weight" comments from people l may have not seen for a little while. Thank you l say with a beaming smile, they don't know, should I tell them or not, I don't. l have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer incurable and aggressive l've been told, the little devils have been having a great road trip partying around my body setting up camp in several spots in my spine, hips skull, lungs, ribs, nodes. This diagnosis came about totally unexpected after an unrelated ct scan for my nigglying cough. Thank you to my great GP for insisting as I wasn't going to have it only had a slight annoying cough nothing to be concerned about. Radiologist saw suspicious lung rang spots rang gp, gp rang me and within a week after bone scans biopsies etc l was sitting in the oncologist office "best we can do is try to control this" silly me asked the question as I was still thinking this is nothing to be concerned about, how long if I don't have treatment? "12months" so here I am on the treatment. My life turned upside down and inside out in May 2018. I am now on letrozole and Kisquali (Ribociclib) and l am nervously awaiting my scans end of next week to see if this treatment is working. I am usually a happy positive person but seem to have fallen into a bit of a hole at the moment. I find it very hard at times with people telling me you look well, you're an inspiration, bla bla etc etc, when all l want to do is sit in the corner and cry. It's especially frustrating as l've already had bc in 2004, "it's only dcis" treat with radiation but the returned so left side mastectomy/reconstruction 2006, then recurrence right side 2012 "it's only dcis" again radiation and lumpectomy and l can get on with my life and nothing had shown up in my regular breast mammograms BUT some little party going cancer cells escaped and have been waiting and now have had a great road trip around my body. I find it really hard to talk to family and friends about how I am really feeling as I worry about how they are coping, so sharing my story here has already made be feel positive again, reading threads of what all the other wonderful ladies are going through is truly inspiring. I'm trying hard to stay positive for my next appointment with my wonderful Oncologist on 1 Nov and that she will tell me there is no progression. enough of my rambling thankyou for reading my story
Scared
Hi, I'm new to this kind of discussion so please be patient with me. I was diagnosed with metastasic breast cancer last year. So far with chemotherapy I feel relatively good. But now it is the time of a PAP smear and I so don't want to do it. I'm so scared they find anything. Not that there are any reasons to believe they would. Last time after a PAP smear the nurse called me to make an appointment with the words I really hate "there is nothing to worry about". I ended up in hospital with an anxiety attack. In the end after an gynological examination everything was fine. But after 5 years of Tamoxifen I couldn't be sure. I'm not taking that drug anymore. Do I really have to go or can I ignore the annoying letters from the PAP smear register? What do you think? A good advice is appreciated. Thanks to all Sabine
3 Times is enough
2003 - found a lump in my right breast - lumpectomy and radiation. Follow up with arimedex. 2010-recurrence in right breast -mastectomy and lymph node removal although all clear-follow up Femara. Thought ok all will be well Annual check up with surgeon and 6 monthly check up with oncologist. 2014- mammogram suspicious left breast. Biopsy - all clear. Decided on prophylactic mastectomy in June. 2015- annual check up CT scan - metastatic breast cancer in bones and lungs.Devastation,anger disappointment sadness. Radiation follow up with Aromosin and Afinitor. I have had to talk to myself a number of times since- throw out the poor me and what ifs. Not handling the blood tests, scans and treatment however I have wonderful support and need to take each day as it comes. I really appreciate everyone's posts as the feeling of being alone is swept away. Stay strong everyone
advanced breast cancer - could have been caught early
Hello I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer to the liver and hip (non weight baring on right leg) in April. I am ER/PR+ HER2 + and was given a prognosis of 2 years to live. I have two kids aged 11 and 13. Three years ago I had a mamogram and ultrasound which shows that there was a tumour in the same location as the tumour today (much bigger today). My specialist at the time told me that I had cysts in the breast and nothing to worry about. She told me that I did not need to do a mamogram every 2 years because of my age and that i could leave it till I was much older (37 at the time) I left her office feeling confident and relieved. Now I am crushed and terrified of the prognosis which has been given as I need to see my kids grow up into adults. I have had 2 sessions of cemo (4 to go) and then scheduled to be on herceptin and perjera indefinitely. I have a CT scan scheduled for next week to see if there is any improvement. I am terrified and can only hope that the treatment works. I was wondering if there are other women who have survived this beyond 2,5,10 years and how they are able to stay positive and not let anxiety, depression anger bring them down.
Very frustrated
Brain surgery I can deal with but the protocal of public with Sir Charles Gardner is an absolute nightmare. If I was not already being treated for major depression I most certainly would be now. I honestly think some of the front line receptionists need a career change. I admire two surgeons so far who have phoned me well into the evening but so out of the blue I have clocked off and enjoy watching Peppa Pig as I am so brain dead pardon the pun. One to-night phoned to offically go through the removal of my forehead, down past my eyes and then a square block sawed out and did I have any questions. I stopped the surgeon there as I had been on the go since 4am as it's the eve of my first offsprings wedding, I had scrubbed my grandi clean and painted her nails and blow waved her hair. I have cooked at least 6 meals from scratch as my other 4 adult all arrived with partners off planes around Australia and have lived with anxiety as absolutely no contact from said hospital for over a week from the first evening call Thursday Jan 22nd from surgeon saying I was booked in for Feb 10th..........when I phoned several times starting Wednesday of this week I came up against receptionists who had about as much interest in my story as cleaning a toilet. One suggested practically that I was making , I have always felt that living with cancer is much better stress free. I have been through hell and back this week and on occassion questioned my own sanity. This is unacceptable. For anyone else who has had a bad day/week it can only get better. On the bottom rung it's a little climb up every day and no hospital is going to beat me. cyber hugs to anyone who needs one Sarah54 and soon to be 55yrs
I have stage 4!
I was diagnosed with early breast cancer in December 2013 and recently diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer metastasized to my liver. I was devastated with this coz i thought it was all over...i had chemotherapy and radiation and I was just on Herceptin. Now I have to go through chemo again. They started me on Kadcyla which is a new drug so I really don't know if its going to work. I often asked myself why this is happening to me....even my Doctors are wondering why it had spread so fast despite all the treatments I had. I'm wondering if they have done the right treatments.....
like a kick in the guts
It's been a few days and though yesterday Wednesday was in comparison a good day with little pain I thought today would be better but I instead it proved to be a really painful afternoon on both sides of my ribs. I even made plans for the weekend but I realiased I have to be patient. A lot more patient. It's disheartening and sometimes I cry a little because it does hurt . I'd rather lose a leg than have to go thru this. Anyway I look forward to recovery and I hope that it comes real soon. Thanks for reading thanks for sharing. Distressed Donna
Acceptance
It has come to be in the past week that I need to accept decline. I, once again am faced with a choice. To live in sadness at what is happening to me or cherish the moments I have. The decline in my quality of life in a short time is difficult to accept. I have lived with this disease for 2 1/2 years with minimal, though annoying, disruption to usual programming. Now however, I have the constant companion that is the urge to cough. Along with her, is her friend fear and occasionally another friend - escalating emotions and thoughts surrounding impending death. I have decided to retreat, to cocoon, to allow my body rest, to meditate, to love and care for my husband and children and save my energy for them, to be happy I have walked around the block (and not sad that it wasn't further), to cherish sitting in the Spring sunshine and the acute awareness of it's beauty. In doing this a couple of new friends appear - hope and gratefulness. While I am still here, there is hope. My symptoms do not always mean that my impending death is imminent but they do heighten my senses. Yes, accepting decline is difficult but once again I have a choice. I choose to continue to live. A xsix months later still on the road to nowhere
hi just having a vent six months after finding a lump on my neck on the left hand side just near my collar bone dx with locally advanced breast cancer feb 13 had chemo a/c 4 rounds taxol 12 rounds about to start radiation 19 th sept 33 zaps i can feel the lump and see that it is regrowing due to pain increasing and size of lump feels like chemo has been a bit of a waste so sick so tired no energy hope radiation can make it mark on the stupid lump not happy jan i hate my life stupid fxxx cancer