Hi all. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. Stage 1, grade 1, 8mm lump, oestrogen and progesterone positive, HER2-equivalent. The clinic told us to wait while they organise for a consultation with a surgical team. They haven’t given us a straight answer on how long this will take.It’s so painful. Every single day I think about how there’s a cancer inside my mum and it could be getting worse at any second. Not only do we have to wait indefinitely for a consultation, but who knows how long before we can even book in a surgery? I can’t take this wait anymore. I just want the thing out of her NOW. It’s only been a few days but I’m losing sleep, can barely function, and all I think about every waking second of the day is the cancer possibly growing and spreading to her lymph nodes.In your experience, how long is the wait to surgery and how long is too long before we should look to booking with another surgeon/hospital that can take us sooner? And how can I cope with this torturous wait without losing my mind? I feel like I’ve already lost about half of it. Please, I need some reassurance to get me through each day. Thank you.

Hey, the hospital knows how it feels! Main thing is to understand if they can’t tell you yet, it will all happen in time and then you’ll probably all be rushed off your feet. Keep your thoughts on the positives - it’s stage 1 (good) and it’s diagnosed (doesn’t feel good but truly it is). Treatment will focus on what you all want - getting rid of the cancer and stopping it coming back. One thing for sure, you will be amazed at what you really can cope with. Take care.

I really feel for you, and know how hard the waiting can be. " I guess it’s hard to cope knowing that my mum is walking around with cancer inside her and nobody is doing anything about it for the foreseeable future. "Keep in mind that they are doing something about it now - which is planning the best way forward for her. As @Afraser said this is not going to impact her condition. They know a lot more about the cancer than we do, it is their job after all! Try to relax and help your loved one through this by being there, helping her practically and emotionally if possible. It's only a question of days before her treatment begins.

So Sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis @mericelle - it is good that you are going to be good support for her! It is good that it is early stages & fairly small .... those things are in her favour. The 'wait time' varies on so many different things - are you rural? That alone can impact things (maybe if you pop your Mum's city/town name in your profile, local members may be able to point you to specific agencies that may help her further down the track?)I am rural & my lump was found in early Nov 2 years ago. By the time I had the extra mammogram & ultrasound (the mammogram 4 months earlier didn't 'find' the lump!) and then the Biopsy - it was after Xmas. Then the wait for the results for the Biopsy - it was Jan 5 before it came back positive - and of course all the surgeons were still on their Xmas break! So I finally saw a surgeon in Sydney in mid Jan & had the surgery (lumpectomy) 2 days later, and only in overnight. Mine was maybe a tad bigger than your Mum's - and I was AMAZED at how 'good' I felt after the surgery! The pain or discomfort wasn't 'massive' - just make sure she takes the painkillers as advised .... there is no point being 'stoic', when in pain!The waiting really mucks with your brain more than anything else - I suggest that you both keep REALLY BUSY doing what you love doing (I just went fishing every day! LOL) All the best - I hope you get a 'surgery game plan' soon - then it all depends on the pathology after the surgery as to what the next steps are.take care xxx

Hi @mericelle,The waiting is a pain. Unfortunately the whole shebang with BC is full of endless waiting and waiting. My first surgical appointment was 1wk after diagnosis. That was pretty quick but there were nodes involved so they moved along a bit. I had 1 month from diagnosis to surgery, most of that my choice because I wanted a lumpectomy and we couldn't find the darn thing. It wasn't going to do much in a month and according to the surgeon it was slow growing and had probably been there for years so we had time to look for it. Everybody is different and surprisingly I was not one of those people who had to "get it out straight away". I felt fine, I looked fine and was more than content with having a month to get my head around things before starting the process. Breast cancer is a very busy business. All BC referrals are category 1 straight up, however, an aggressive stage 3 cancer will be moved up the list before a less aggressive stage 1 etc. How is your mother going? Does she know how anxious you are? Have a good chat and see where she's at with the whole thing. Take a deep breath. This thing is one step at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.All the best lovely. She'll be ok. Promise.xoxoxox

kezmusc said: Hi @mericelle,The waiting is a pain. Unfortunately the whole shebang with BC is full of endless waiting and waiting. My first surgical appointment was 1wk after diagnosis. That was pretty quick but there were nodes involved so they moved along a bit. I had 1 month from diagnosis to surgery, most of that my choice because I wanted a lumpectomy and we couldn't find the darn thing. It wasn't going to do much in a month and according to the surgeon it was slow growing and had probably been there for years so we had time to look for it. Everybody is different and surprisingly I was not one of those people who had to "get it out straight away". I felt fine, I looked fine and was more than content with having a month to get my head around things before starting the process. Breast cancer is a very busy business. All BC referrals are category 1 straight up, however, an aggressive stage 3 cancer will be moved up the list before a less aggressive stage 1 etc. How is your mother going? Does she know how anxious you are? Have a good chat and see where she's at with the whole thing. Take a deep breath. This thing is one step at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.All the best lovely. She'll be ok. Promise.xoxoxox Thank you for sharing your experience. My mum seems fine but I am conscious that she might be much more anxious than she is letting on, which is why I’m so keen to push things along for her and get the treatment started as soon as possible. I guess I’m afraid of having a totally open conversation with her about our feelings because I don’t want her to see me break down. I want her to know this is a totally manageable situation and that we can make it through this. But thank you for your advice.

Waiting to set up surgery feels worse than purgatory

strongtogether
Member
6 years ago
I really feel for you, and know how hard the waiting can be.
" I guess it’s hard to cope knowing that my mum is walking around with cancer inside her and nobody is doing anything about it for the foreseeable future. "
Keep in mind that they are doing something about it now - which is planning the best way forward for her.
As @Afraser said this is not going to impact her condition. They know a lot more about the cancer than we do, it is their job after all!
Try to relax and help your loved one through this by being there, helping her practically and emotionally if possible. It's only a question of days before her treatment begins.
mericelle
Member
6 years ago

Afraser said:

Hey, the hospital knows how it feels! Main thing is to understand if they can’t tell you yet, it will all happen in time and then you’ll probably all be rushed off your feet. Keep your thoughts on the positives - it’s stage 1 (good) and it’s diagnosed (doesn’t feel good but truly it is). Treatment will focus on what you all want - getting rid of the cancer and stopping it coming back. One thing for sure, you will be amazed at what you really can cope with. Take care.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your advice, @Afraser
Afraser
Member
6 years ago
Hey, the hospital knows how it feels! Main thing is to understand if they can’t tell you yet, it will all happen in time and then you’ll probably all be rushed off your feet. Keep your thoughts on the positives - it’s stage 1 (good) and it’s diagnosed (doesn’t feel good but truly it is). Treatment will focus on what you all want - getting rid of the cancer and stopping it coming back. One thing for sure, you will be amazed at what you really can cope with. Take care.
mericelle
Member
6 years ago

Afraser said:

Hi @mericelle

I know the waiting is hard, possibly harder than if you are the one with cancer, but no one is going to endanger anyone by making sure that they have consulted and taken everything necessary into consideration. A wait at this stage is not unusual. Before you knew the diagnosis, you weren’t concerned even though, unknown to you, the cancer was there. So breathe deeply and be as supportive as you can. It’s reasonable to follow up and ask again for a date. There will be lots more to take in and think about as treatment is confirmed, but the problem won’t progress that fast and your medical team will be looking to ensure that their proposed treatment is effective and appropriate. Looking after yourself is important do you can best support your mother. Best wishes.

Thank you @Afraser. I really appreciate your comforting words. I guess it’s hard to cope knowing that my mum is walking around with cancer inside her and nobody is doing anything about it for the foreseeable future. I’ll try to refrain from pestering the hospital every morning like I’ve been doing since the diagnosis.
Afraser
Member
6 years ago
Hi @mericelle

I know the waiting is hard, possibly harder than if you are the one with cancer, but no one is going to endanger anyone by making sure that they have consulted and taken everything necessary into consideration. A wait at this stage is not unusual. Before you knew the diagnosis, you weren’t concerned even though, unknown to you, the cancer was there. So breathe deeply and be as supportive as you can. It’s reasonable to follow up and ask again for a date. There will be lots more to take in and think about as treatment is confirmed, but the problem won’t progress that fast and your medical team will be looking to ensure that their proposed treatment is effective and appropriate. Looking after yourself is important do you can best support your mother. Best wishes.

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