This tuff cookie is crumbling

Ah man @Melc503 - I HEAR you loud and clear - I am the absolute control freak! I was diagnosed in January with bilateral invasive lobular carcinoma and knew from the start it would be a double mastectomy for me - the first thing I said to my surgeon was 'well, actually if it's all the same for you, I'd like to wait until April for my surgery because that fits into my lifestyle a lot better' - LOL - and at the end of the day, he was fine with it! The fact that I was afforded the opportunity to have the surgery when I wanted to, made ALL the difference to my emotional state. 

Letting people in is a major issue for me too! I decided right from the beginning to control the dialogue (there's that control word again!) and made sure that everyone understood that I wasn't interested in any doom and gloom - only Team Chirpy members were welcome. I'm very open about talking to people about my treatment (chemo now then radiation to follow) but make it clear that I'm doing fine and don't need help. Thankfully I'm tolerating the chemo extremely well and have been able to continue with work and life as normal - so I really don't need any more help than from my husband and kids in their 20s.

But there are definitely those incredible well meaning friends who text me to wish me well before each treatment and it still irks me! I'm being extremely well behaved because I know that they simply love me and they all come from a good place with a heart of gold - it's just that I'm such a private person that I can't get used to the fact that people know about my medical life all of a sudden! Drives me bananas! 

You've definitely come to the right place - there's always someone on here day and night to offer advice or just lend an ear and the guys above have already given you so much gold. Take one step at a time - you've absolutely got this! 

xxxxx

I also had difficulty showing my contribution and desperately needed my independence, struggled with asking for help and cried alone. 
I dealt with this by creating a private facebook  group of 'Angels'.  
Women I trusted and I knew who would help me if I asked. 
I was clear with my needs,   I let them know what was happening and asked for space,  but promised to ask when I was in need. 
As things came up,  I would tell the group. 
They would decide who could help me best (lift to the hospital,  help with housework etc)  and they would schedule when to help. 
I found it an easier way to ask,
  less invasive to my privacy,
  and they as a group,  felt confident that they were helping as much as they could. 

I am sorry you are going through this,  
But the fact that you have already asked us for help,  shows your inner strength. 
And let those tears out,  you are human,  you will need the release,  it's healthy to cry. 

I didn't really do much in hospital but sleep. That is after another lady and I finished hurling our insides out as a result of gas anesthetic which it seems both of us are allergic to. All good, we have been face book friends for years since then. :)

welcome @Melc503 , you've found the right place. We're all on here very much the same.  BC, tuff, sometimes not feeling tuff, tuff and teary,  and control freaks. But here we can let it all our anxieties and frustrations  out and read up on some fantastic threads to help with advice on each stage of BC and beyond we're going through.
i spent one day last week lurking over all the radiation threads and armed myself with so much info I felt quite relaxed about fronting at my first radiation session .... and found it just as fellow bc women had described.
Take it all one day at a time.  Focus on your lumpectomy on Wednesday.  The pathology report from the op will give you and your team a treatment plan .  
Hang in there girl.  Sometimes it's good to let those closest to you know you're  struggling.  After all you want their support and often we show our brave side and wonder why no one is that interested or appears to care 
Sending you hugs and hankies to wipe away those tears. You take care. XXXX

Hi @Mel@Meliss

Welcome to the forum. As you can see already  there is so much support, wisdom and warmth on here. 

There's a lot of us tough cookies that crumbled a bit at the start (and every so often throughout) so don't worry about not being as tough as normal and put yourself first.
I had a lumpectomy, re excision for clearer margins.  It was a combination of IDC and DCIS as well with L/node involvement so aux clearance also. 

@Zoffiel is right.  You do tend to deal with this as you do with everything else.  Once you get over the initial shock that is.  For me, when shit happens in my life, I renovate something!  That's what I did the whole way through.  Anything to distract my brain from itself and it's nasty habit of thinking the worst.

Waiting is the absolute pitts.  Waiting for result, waiting for surgery, waiting for results, waiting for a plan and a bazillion hours waiting for doctors.

Keep talking on here.  We all get it, and remember exactly how we felt when we were where you are now.

All the best lovely.

xoxoxo


 

Apart from some drinks and snacks of choice, something mindless to read and/or watch, a packet of face wipes is essential - it seems like you no sooner wah your face in hospital and it feels greasy again!

Oh my goodness. I am so grateful for all the advice and support ladies. 
I certainly came to the right place. 
XX

SO sorry to hear of your diagnosis @Melc503  - you've come to the right spot for good old fashioned understanding & advice!  

The waiting is the worst part of it, I think - waiting for the initial diagnosis, waiting for the surgery, then the pathology ....

I think most of us start out as being a 'tough cookie' but you really DO need the support of your close family & trusted friends if they offer you support - so let them help you - and lean on them.  I was pretty 'tough' until I had to leave my family as I went in to surgery ..... then I crumbled!  The admitting Clerk gave me a whole BOX of tissues!  LOL

I was lucky - as we live up the coast, we stayed with my brother & sister in law in Sydney before, during & after my surgery & for other checkups as well ... it was great not having to do the shopping and cooking etc, even for a few days now & then!

Do you have a family member or close friend to go with you to all your meetings - especially when you go for your results post op.  They are an extra set of ears & good support for you.  My sister in law was invaluable at my meetings - asking all sorts of intelligent questions that my numb brain would never have thought of!!   I also recorded the meeting too - to go thru again afterwards, if I needed to.