So I've had my portacath inserted (totally lost it it the room), had my echo, CT Chest/Abdo/Pelvis and Bonescan. Kinda feel like a science experiment. Now to wait until next wednesday to start chemo.....

Portacath. Torture chamber for me. Most people find it not an issue. I feel for you, BIG time. I felt lost between the end of my testing and the start of treatment. Not long to go for you now. Go to your favourite eating place this weekend to treat yourself just in case you don't feel like it later.

@Sister that almost happened when I had to have my echo before the portacath got put in. Not sure if some people realise how stressful things are. Just because we look outwardly calm doesn't mean we aren't treading water like a mad person to keep our heads above the water

@sweetpetal I was big and brave and went to my rads consultation by myself. I checked in and went where I was directed to go, got weighed and sat in the waiting room and waited...and waited... Asked if I was in the right place and waited...and waited... Asked how long the doctor would be and told that he wasn't in, someone was filling in for him on another floor and clinic was now over. Directed through the maze of the hospital to the other floor, trying to find my way through the tears. Got to reception and couldn't talk because I was bawling by then. Talk about losing it. And when I did recover, I stayed shaky for the rest of the afternoon. Not my fault but certainly not how I would have reacted pre-bc. They have boxes of tissues around for a reason!

I caused quite the scene at my first chemo. Left alone in a room with the cold cap on and going for hour before the chemo started. Burst into noisy uncontrollable heaving sobs. My hands were over my face and the machine was loud. I was in the far bed in a two bed room (no one else in the other bed) so I thought no one would hear. Too many BC traumatised kids at home to cry there. I suddenly heard a voice. I took my hands of my face to see a very old woman in a hosital gown shuffling towards me on a walking frame and a crowd of people gathered round the door all staring in. "Are you all right dear?" "Yes. No. Yes" followed by bitter weeping laughter (mine). The nurse was fetched and the crowd dispersed. She held my hand and told me to cry as much as I like, that I was in a safe space. I cried for an hour! They're used to it.As my dear grandmother-in-law used to say, better out than your elbow!I also cried all the way through my CT scan. But that was just after the PS had told me I'd have to have implants (which I didn't want and in the end didn't have), that I was destined to put back on all the weight I'd lost (not yet I haven't), that I wouldn't be able to lose enough to get into the BMI safety zone before my operation (I did), and that I'd never look good naked (see my husband!). There aren't the words in my vocabulary for that man...

Hi @Sweetpetal I'm also starting chemo on Wednesday, although the last few weeks have been very stressful with lots of appointments etc I now feel like I'm in limbo waiting for what is coming next.

Now the waiting | BCNA Online Network

LIttleBlueWren
Member
7 years ago
Hi @Sweetpetal

Wishing you all the best for next Wednesday.

Hopefully your chemo experience will be like mine. I had AC-T, every three weeks for AC for three months and then weekly paclitaxol for twelve weeks. I felt pretty good and was able to maintain my exercise most days, although not running just walking. I painted my house and finished heaps of other projects at home. The worst was hair loss and two months post chemo I think I will lose a few fingernails. I did have a nap whenever I needed it and was really tired on two occasions. I have been pleasantly surprised by my chemo experience, I just want you to know that it might not be awful, and if it is make sure you let the nurses know, they told me that you should not feel sick on chemo, they can give you drugs to help or change the drugs if required.

If toilet issues arise make sure you deal with them immediately, I ate 100 grams of prunes a day (I love prunes anyway, so this was a bit of a treat for me).

As far as tears go, well I wish I had shares in Kleenex because I cried a lot (and still do a bit). You'll hear the term 'roller-coaster' used a lot and it is very fitting to describe the emotional toll this takes on you.

If you knit or craft we had a few of us doing that while sitting in the chair, lots of chatting if you choose, take a snooze or catch up on books or movies (I had to find a silver lining in this :) ).

cheers
arpie
Member
7 years ago
And that is why we always recommend everyone go 'with a friend' to any of our appointments @Sister - in cast the unexpected happens .... or the wheels totally fall off! :( If you'd had a buddy with you, it may not have been quite so bad for you. I remember when you wrote it up - it was SO upsetting for us to read what you'd gone thru when it was THEIR fault!
Zoffiel
Member
7 years ago
I had a wig throwing tantrum during my 4th chemo. Literally ripped it off my head, threw it on the floor and stamped on it. I was furious with my oncologist who had failed to inform me that I had to have a particular shot after chemo after I'd asked him, very clearly, the day before if he'd written it up.
Oh how I hated that man--I've dealt with some absolute flogs in my time, but he took the cake. So, wig stomping, recriminatory phone calls, sedation, the whole 9 yards. They had to get one of the paramedics up to cannulate me--I was so mad that all my blood had moved to my head and no one else could find a vein...
The oncology unit manager still treats me with kid gloves 12 years later--though she has admitted in private that she wishes she had recorded the conversation for further reference when he did similar things to other patients.
Sweetpetal
Member
7 years ago
@arpie just frustrating sometimes. I work in health and I try to show compassion but some of the people i have encountered during this i wonder why they ever took a job like that.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
That was a shocker, @Sister :(

@Sweetpetal - They have NO IDEA of the stress etc, until it happens to themselves!
Sweetpetal
Member
7 years ago
@Sister that almost happened when I had to have my echo before the portacath got put in. Not sure if some people realise how stressful things are. Just because we look outwardly calm doesn't mean we aren't treading water like a mad person to keep our heads above the water
Sister
Member
7 years ago
@sweetpetal I was big and brave and went to my rads consultation by myself. I checked in and went where I was directed to go, got weighed and sat in the waiting room and waited...and waited... Asked if I was in the right place and waited...and waited... Asked how long the doctor would be and told that he wasn't in, someone was filling in for him on another floor and clinic was now over. Directed through the maze of the hospital to the other floor, trying to find my way through the tears. Got to reception and couldn't talk because I was bawling by then. Talk about losing it. And when I did recover, I stayed shaky for the rest of the afternoon. Not my fault but certainly not how I would have reacted pre-bc. They have boxes of tissues around for a reason!
Sweetpetal
Member
7 years ago
@kezmusc I've stopped counting how many strangers have seen my boobs now. People have said just cut it off and I'm like um no I like my boobs thanks.
@Payne yeah my other half is taking me to it. Hes been great
Payne
Member
7 years ago
@Sweetpetal, best of luck for Wednesday. Do you have someone to go with you?
arpie
Member
7 years ago
Thinking of you as you go thru all this, @Sweetpetal - big hugs coming your way xx

I think the wheels fall off for most at least once thru active treatment ..... sometimes more often - all totally normal. I was a bawling mess during my rads as my husband fell off his bike & broke a rib - so I was looking after him with 4hrly meds as well as doing the rads (and also lost a valued piece of jewellery when the chain broke) ... As with @kezmusc - I was spirited away to a separate room with door closed, with social worker to 'recompose myself' ..... most of the health professionals you will deal with will be lovely. Just the occasional arsehole pops up, as @kmakm found! :(

All the best for your ongoing treatment xx