Forum Discussion
need to connect
Hi all
I was diagnosed with Early BC on 1 Aug and had my surgery last Friday 11 Aug. Am home now feeling sore, tired and still overwhelmed. Most of all I feel guilty that I can't look after my family and do my job. I know I need help but I just don't have ability to ask for it. I don't know whether what I'm doing is right. Do I stay in my PJs and hop into bed whenever I want? Do I start exercising? should I exercise? Should I walk the 100 metres to cafe where my girlfriends want to have coffee with me? Is it ok to cry? How long before pathology and lymph node biopsy results come back? When do I get my surgeon to fill out certificate for income protection insurer (which I've been paying for 10 years and never used)? Should I be hassling him about it now or wait till post op appointment which not for another 10 days? I am educated, highly qualified with 5 children (one doing year 12 - It's shit timing!) and these questions sound so ridiculous now that I have written them down. I should know how to be!!! Surely!!!! I have always been the doer, never asked for help and now afraid that if I do I will be seen as weak. I hope no one is offended by the language but this is just "f...d"!!!!! I don't want to be that person and it really angers me that I may have to be.
I know as a minimum I will need radiotherapy and hormone suppressant therapy (the latter scares me more) and all else depends on path and biopsy results. Is it possible I am still in shock and denial?
I was diagnosed with Early BC on 1 Aug and had my surgery last Friday 11 Aug. Am home now feeling sore, tired and still overwhelmed. Most of all I feel guilty that I can't look after my family and do my job. I know I need help but I just don't have ability to ask for it. I don't know whether what I'm doing is right. Do I stay in my PJs and hop into bed whenever I want? Do I start exercising? should I exercise? Should I walk the 100 metres to cafe where my girlfriends want to have coffee with me? Is it ok to cry? How long before pathology and lymph node biopsy results come back? When do I get my surgeon to fill out certificate for income protection insurer (which I've been paying for 10 years and never used)? Should I be hassling him about it now or wait till post op appointment which not for another 10 days? I am educated, highly qualified with 5 children (one doing year 12 - It's shit timing!) and these questions sound so ridiculous now that I have written them down. I should know how to be!!! Surely!!!! I have always been the doer, never asked for help and now afraid that if I do I will be seen as weak. I hope no one is offended by the language but this is just "f...d"!!!!! I don't want to be that person and it really angers me that I may have to be.
I know as a minimum I will need radiotherapy and hormone suppressant therapy (the latter scares me more) and all else depends on path and biopsy results. Is it possible I am still in shock and denial?
24 Replies
- Thanks @Julez1958 for sharing, it really does help knowing we are not the alone going through these experiences and hearing what works for others. All the best 💐
- Hi @Lozz
Totally relate to the random crying thing
For about 4 weeks after my diagnosis I cried at completely random times and places ( luckily I was able to take time off work).
Like at the checkout in the supermarket.
And I am not normally a cry baby.
I did have a couple of sessions with a psychologist who specialized in cancer related distress and one of the best things she said to me was “ it’s ok to cry”.
As time has gone by the crying is a lot less but things can trigger it ( I never noticed how many “ cancer breakthrough” stories appeared on tv until I found myself in “ the club”).
Things will get better .🌺 - Welcome to the blog @Lozz - sorry to see that you've also joined us here! Maybe copy your post & also post it as 'its own thread' .... so people can respond to your post 'in kind' ..... and DEFINITELY check out Charlotte Tottman's podcasts .... she's 'been there, done that', so knows exactly what we've been thru.
Please ring our helpline (Mon-Fri) on 1800 500 258 if you feel overwhelmed ... or as your Breast Care Nurse to arrange some counselling for you ...... You may need a break from work, for you own health benefit .... see how you go - if a trusted few know about your diagnosis, it will definitely relieve some of the anxiety you may be feeling. Some work thru, others have a break .... it all depends on what mix you have & the side effects. xx.
take care & all the best with your chemo, and look after YOU just now ..... Put yourself FIRST - you will not regret it later on xx - Hello@Lozz Thank you for your post. I am so happy to see that I have in some small way helped (not sure “help” is the right word). I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best for what lies ahead and as for work….all I can suggest is what I realize I get told every day - “one day at a time”. I know it’s hard to hear that because we women are planners and organizers - we love our work so we want to know now what it will look like in the foreseeable future. Listening to the podcasts (esp one about redefining priorities) and this online forum is really helping me to understand that your whole world changes with a BC diagnosis but I’m starting to see that as shitty as the treatments will be we do it to have a better life - maybe even better than the one we were having - because we will get to the point where we will no longer take anything for granted and everything WLL BE sweeter. Keep going - you’ve got this !!!!!
- Hi @Dessi
Your post resonated with me and I am sending you big hugs Xx
I was diagnosed July 20, had surgery 4 Aug and about to start Chemo.Thank you for expressing your feelings and questions so well- they are all relatable to me! I found the shock of diagnosis to be extremely shocking!! I am crying randomly ( I am not normally a crier) And I am finding my my thoughts and emotions are currently hardest to deal with. I have also found support with some special friends. Work is very tricky for me, I love my job managing a facility caring for young people (my kids are grown up) So struggling with what this will look like through chemo and whether to divulge my diagnosis or not….
I am hoping I can continue working on reduced hours…. Time will tell.I am currently working on taking back some control as I prepare myself as best I can to start Chemo. I have a great medical team, amazing surgeon, oncologist and breast nurse- hope you are comfortable with your team.I remember how all thoughts in my head were cancer related initially and something I found helpful in my early days was to go the cinema- and watch a movie. I found this was distracting and provided a break from the negative thoughts.A huge thank you to all who have responded, your responses are really informative and valuable to others.
Sorry this post is all a bit random and erratic, pretty much how my thoughts are currently, but it is helpful to express so thanks for the opportunity.
@Dessi I am thinking of you and your family, go gently and take care 🥰 - Thank goodness I decided to post!! I can’t believe how caring, supportive and helpful you all are. Till now I felt like I was the only person going through this litany of feelings and emotions but now I see that there is life after a BC diagnosis and that for some time it will be tough and though the future may be “different” it will still be great. Thank you beautiful wonderful ladies. I’ve now understood that I have to ditch the guilt and get on with making me number 1 for now. Thank you all. 😘😘😘😘😘
- Hi @Dessi you are not alone! I am a mum of 4, had surgery in May, and know exactly how you feel. Self care is the game! If someone else can do it, let them. Say yes to any offers of help. Rest when you need. Cry when you need. Do what makes you feel better - binge watch netflix, sleep, rest. Whatever it is. I am on hormone blockers (Letrozole and zoladex). There's lot's on here about that but also take with grain of salt. I am managing them quite well. I am on venlafaxine (efexor) to manage hot flushes. The rest of the symptoms are not too problematic (noticeable but manageable). Listen to BCNA podcasts, especially the ones with Dr Charlotte Tottman, they really helped me enormously. Oh and audiobooks were my friend post op when I just felt to s*$t to read or even watch tv. What I discovered as a highly functional organised self motivated working mum of 4, is that this is the hardest thing I have face, and no amount of self talk made things improve any quicker, what I needed was time and support. I am now 2.5 months post op and I have been doing some jogging, gym through the hospital twice weekly and feel mostly very good. I walked very short distances first few days I was home, literally about 800m (tried to do twice daily) and then increased slowly. I am now doing interval jogs. It gets better.I do notice emotional and cognitive fatigue mostly now, I take a LOT more time to rest (not filling my calendar with everyone who wants to see me for coffee. On this I follow my gut, if you want to have coffee with the girl friends, have coffee. If not, then don't. If you say yes and then feel not up to it, then cancel. You are number 1 at the moment. Year 12 is a tricky time. I can't help with that one.Massive hugs. Wishing you all the best.
- Give yourself time. I had my surgery - lumpectomy - on 11 July so a month before you. I still get some pain but I think it’s more doing too much! I’m still not back into much exercise - just daily walks. I usually do yoga & Pilates and hoping to get back to that next week - I have a good range of motion and no pain but worried about weight bearing on my shoulders doing planks, push-ups etc.
I had radiotherapy in my 40s and it made me really tired so I took sick leave for that period. I’ve been told it affects you more the younger you are! Hormone blockers are OK - they just bring on menopause early.I got my biopsy results 2 days after my surgery but depends on your surgeon and if you’re private or public. Wherever you had your surgery you should be able to talk to a Breast Care Nurse - they are invaluable! - Good morning @Dessi,
There’s amazing support here. I am so glad and thankful this online support is available. Like to share other support medium I have utilised and found them extremely beneficial for my emotional and mental wellbeing:
1. BCNA call line: 1800500258( amazing ladies manage those lines)
2. My fabulous breast care nurse: I have her number saved as favourite :smile:
3. My GP (I am lucky to have found a GP who ‘click’ with me)
4. My hubby ( last resort : even though he has been extremely supportive, I feel he doesn’t ‘get’ what I am going through.)Please be kind to yourself. We are going through BC. Though I haven’t started my treatment ( surgery this Friday), my hubby has started doing all housework and cooking. I don’t feel guilty at all as I know I need to take the best care for myself so we can enjoy more good years ahead.Friends have already started offering help and I have ‘assigned tasks’ to them as well.Remember when you get on a flight, what the announcement says: always put the mask on yourself first before putting for others.This will be a roller coaster ride but amazing support is available for us and we are not alone in this journey.
xx
Gin - OMG!!!! Thank you everyone so so much. I posted not really thinking I would get so many wonderfully helpful and compassionate replies - I thought I would just vent - but I can see now how wonderful you all are and I feel so much better already - "foggy brain" still very real. You guys are amazing and I now know I have to stop thinking about others for a while and concentrate on me. I do feel bad for my Year 12 daughter though but she has done nothing but reassure me all is good. I'm going to take that as a win!!!! Thank thank thank you!! xx
