Forum Discussion

BowerBird11's avatar
BowerBird11
Member
6 years ago

Hiding in plain sight

Hi everyone, just a ‘newbie’ here.  
My name is Julie & I was diagnosed with ILC on the 11th Dec 2019 & so far it’s been full on, appointments....appointments & one more scan, biopsy after another.

Truth was, I was at the end of a very long work year & getting ready for a month long holiday mode & then my world was turned around with the diagnosis of Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.  

I didn’t have time for that little gem to drop it’s bomb on me.  I had Christmas planned, not to mention a very long awaited trip all organised.....

But now I’ve entered into the world of Dr’s, scans, MRI’s, biopsies....biopsies & then even more scans & even more biopsies.

Meanwhile I’m sitting here, in plain sight hiding from the world & nobody can see the raging mess my head has become.  

I’ve found myself going to bed so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, and then lying down, totally wide awake, as the words rattle in my head...........   You’ve got Breast Cancer.   You’ve got Breast Cancer.  You’ve got Breast Cancer. 
  
I’m having a dye injected into my right breast this afternoon, then a hook wire inserted first thing tomorrow, then surgery tomorrow sometime.  I guess I’m lucky things are happening so fast.  

Family & friends have been great, it’s just difficult to be totally honest with them & voicing all my fears - I can’t frighten them any more than they already are, so I’m here, writing down my thoughts and trying to get my head clearer.

Thanks for the platform to do so.  
It’s helped.  





coping
new-diagnosis
treatment
  • Blossom1961's avatar
    Blossom1961
    Member
    6 years ago
    @BowerBird11 Sending Big but gentle hugs. I too can remember the two weeks after diagnosis being a blur of tests and appointments. Once Chemo started things settled down but as the other ladies have said, don’t be slow in seeking help when required. Getting diagnosed with cancer throws us into PTSD so ask for help before things spiral.
  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    6 years ago
    You are probably feeling pretty seedy today after the surgery. I hope it all went well and they can send you home today. The lab results do take a week or two so it will be a little more waiting. Hopefully they got it all with no node involvement and you are a step closer to being done with being a cancer patient.
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    6 years ago
    Using this website instead of talking out your fears with family and friends is a good idea - the reassurances you get here are based on experience, not hope (although that’s a good thing to have too!) and many people in your situation find that more time than is entirely sane is taken up with comforting others (who don’t have cancer). Your treatment has started which is good. Your next stages will soon be clearer too. Knowing what you have to do short term is usually really helpful - it occupies your mind and keeps you busy. But as @Nefertari says, don’t discount the value of some counselling later on. The mental impact of cancer (society’s bogeyman), its treatments and what it may mean long term can be significant - intelligent people find it hard to deal with. The more you dwell on it by yourself, the more problems you can envisage  - including all those that won’t happen! Try to take one day at a time, catch your breath and remember that the devil you know, understand and can come to terms with is not so scary. Best wishes. 
  • Nefertari's avatar
    Nefertari
    Member
    6 years ago
    @BowerBird11, everything you said I felt as I'm sure most people feel when they receive the news. 
    I was diagnosed Dec 4th 2018.  When I look back, I'm glad the days were so full as it was distracting and like you I was exhausted. Once treatment starts, it will at least feel like you are moving in the right direction and you may feel better then.

    You can be honest here, we all understand and can relate. 

     A year down the track with my active treatment finished, I feel closer to the old me but I am different.  Don't hesitate to get some counselling if you feel you need it, it has been a godsend for me.

    Just know that we are all here for you if you need some moral support, have a question or just want to vent <3