Hello @Dory65
I read your words and pause. Holding them like I would a fragile nest housing a wounded bird. There are many moments I feel like that wounded bird...and I imagine we each feel those moments as passengers. It is not us that is gripping the steering wheel. At times, I feel like I’m a hostage, dumped in the boot feeling the bumps, the heat, the fumes, the lot. Reaching deeply for what remains of our own inner strength, natural healing and familiarity of our breaths to maintain life. No longer is the discussion centred on the quality but of means to survive and flourish, nurture the new growth like buds.
I linked up with counselling immediately hearing my diagnosis.
This field is familiar to me - personally and professionally.
Music and a new version of me dancing are vital therapeutic tools.
My now me misses my wild spirit - dancing freely from the rooftop, at bluesfest, concerts, country farms, in my pjs - wherever my heart has felt the rhythm - everything is modified and I have that conversation with myself...it’s ok. Trust my decisions...let’s just go with this. Do I believe it?
My work load has reduced to lean inconsistent hours. I have to maintain that to a) meet my financial obligations b) stimulate the brain city lights and passion for my work. I don’t have the strengthI to make it make a priority - I cannot manage that, just enough to keep my toes wet.
You are right - I have not able been to see the winning podium since this whole ordeal hijacked my life mid Aug 2020. The blood clots and more medication have made my lenses even blurrier.
For someone who barely took any medication - I’ve given permission to chemo, blood thinners, weeks of antibiotics blah blah. I’ve been prescribed Targin but haven’t used it (Onc won’t be happy).
i wonder sometimes if my body, mind, soul, spirit wellbeing is reacting to what it may consider my madness, betraying my overall bodies wellness...?
🍃🦋🍃💃🌱🌸🌱 x
