Work/grief/sadness
RedRose77
Member Posts: 15 ✭
Hi all,
apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere.
apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere.
I’m 46, had a right mastectomy (Diep flap) and left reduction in early December for stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma. My recovery went really well, no pain whatsoever. I still have another procedure to alter the flap and then have nipple tattooing but have to wait until later in the year. Started on Tamoxifen in Jan.
I went back to work at the start of March and since then have felt the wheels come off a bit. I went back on reduced hours but in a different role to what I usually do (but just as busy!) 3 weeks in I was feeling overwhelmed and crying at the drop of a hat. This role was only to cover someone else and when I asked for more time on reduced hours/duties I was given yet another new role which is totally unfamiliar to me. Consequently I ended up leaving work early this morning as I was in tears. I think because my recovery went so well I hadn’t properly processed everything that had happened before (diagnosis to surgery was pretty quick). And work seems to have triggered a huge reaction that I didn’t expect. It feels like the reality of all this has hit all at once and I’m on a huge emotional rollercoaster. I am seeing a counsellor and she’s been amazing. Plus I’ve started acupuncture.
I’m so used to be busy and I used to love it but at the moment, I just don’t have the capacity for it. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
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Comments
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Good for you in choosing to see a counsellor. I didn’t have your experience but a cancer diagnosis can result in all sorts of reactions and sometimes delayed ones. Your brain and your emotions may be as affected as your body and sometimes unresolved issues from your ‘old’ life can present in new and unexpected ways. Keep with the counsellor and see all this as part of developing a new part of your life. Best wishes.1
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@RedRose77 I can totally relate. I have done customer service all my life but after returning to work, the minute a customer walked in the door I fell apart, started shaking and took off. It took me twelve months before I could handle work again. A cancer diagnosis leaves us feeling completely betrayed by our body and we lose confidence doing what used to be natural to us. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to mentally heal.2
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Thankyou, makes me feel better that I’m not the only one 🥰6
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I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time of it @RedRose77 .... this bloody disease really mucks with our brains even more than our bodies (which is bad enough!), I reckon xx. It is a real emotional roller coaster.
That is terrific that you are seeing a Counsellor - it will definitely help xx Is there any way you can negotiate a break from work to 'find yourself' again? Or can you work from home, maybe on reduced duties?
Have you checked out Charlotte Tottman's podcasts yet? She is a BC specialist Psychologist, who had a double mastectomy & stayed flat - who'd been 'counseling' patients for years - but only realised just HOW debilitating a BC diagnosis is, when she was diagnosed herself! Start on No 13 (the first of the first series) then go back to No 1 - the first of the 2nd series. She is incredibly easy to listen to & relates to most things that we go thru too xx
Be kind to yourself, and take care xx Wishing you the best1 -
Thankyou @arpie! I will definitely have a listen to the podcast, thanks for the recommendation. The mental healing is much more difficult than the huge surgery I had (which I definitely wasn’t prepared for). I think I will take more time away from work (I’m a nurse so working from home is hard!)Thanks again, I will remind myself to be kind! X2
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Hi @RedRose77 so sorry to hear about the roller coaster you’ve been experiencing.
Yes facing a drop in capacity is so confronting. You have voiced something I have encountered and I felt it went to the heart of my professional identity.
I’ve now come to terms with adapting commitments and expectations of myself around work.My oncologist reminds me that it’s ok to feel depleted after the 14 months of treatment, surgery and radiation therapy.
It’s been important to me to keep doing what I love but I have accepted that it’s going to need to be in a different gear. I also find that I’m best working shorter days: 4 hours max daily, rather than a 7.5 hour day. This might sound whacky but I also find if I start the day with a bit of a walk or yoga then my head works better once I start working or meetings.It sounds like you have mobilised professional support too - that’s terrific.2 -
Working after a cancer diagnosis changed for me. Im customer facing in health care and I can now only do a couple of days a week as well. I get very anxious at the drop of a hat. I lost my confidence and it's taking some time to get back that confidence. I just put one foot in front of the other and plod along. I sometimes get rude patients who are quite demanding and I would love to say walk a day in my shoes. Being kind costs nothing.2
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@RedRose77 I'm learning to find a new normal. I can no longer do the old normal and now I don't want to. I pushed myself for others for long time.4
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Hi @RedRose77
I'm 47 and two years post treatment (lumpect, chemo, rad, tamox)
I was definitely tired for a few months after treatment. And you've had a mastectomy to boot - surely that would take a few months to physically recover from, let alone the emotional side?
After treatment and rest, I had a six months of "high on life", which culminated in busting my knee while playing sport beyond my fatigue level (all ok now).
After that there was twelve months of waking up to the reality of having had treatment for cancer aka "what the h-ll just happened... I want my life back...".
I'm currently in the "I coughed, it must be mets" stage 😉. Who knows what exciting stage is next? Tamoxifen, I'm looking at you.😄
Like others on this thread, even now I'm struggling with fatigue, emotions and working 4-days. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep working (I'm lucky to have that choice). I may have to stop, rest and find a less demanding job.
Looking at this this now, it seems that I'm describing almost the stages of grief. That's interesting...
Anyway, I hope my ramble is somewhat useful.
❤️
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Hi @Arn_007 thanks for jumping in and sharing how you are processing your experience 2 years on from treatment.I love your dry humour (‘I coughed…’) thanks for the morning LOL and your wise observation that how we feel might change as we move through stages many years after treatment (it’s 10 months since I completed treatment).
I have not yet dialled up my return to work (during and since treatment I changed gears and reduced the time spent working, the type of work I did within my field (taking on work that was not as complex and time bound) and where I worked and I studied a short course for interest), so I didn’t necessarily go from madly busy to zero partly because I didn’t think I would cope well with that change; conscious my type of work enabled me to shift and repackage how I worked and that’s not always possible for everyone.
But hearing your observation @Arn_007 is very timely because just about every day I am asked “So what are you going to do next?” which is a perfectly reasonable and kind question but one which for me is a bit hard to answer simply.
I have really wrestled with this and whether going back to my “original” career (professional advisor, sedentary role, long hours but plenty of adrenaline and sense of purpose) is wise.I have come across colleagues who have had breast cancer and returned to their work life but they made adjustments.
It sounds like others have grappled with this and @Arn_007 your point about the different stages of grief is very helpful. How I read this is that emotional contexts can change and it’s helpful to keep an open mind about choices we might have made, as we move through these stages.
I wonder how the last 10 months have been for you @RedRose771
