Hello to all the strong women out there!

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  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
    edited August 2018
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    To tell or not to tell...excellent question.
    BC V1 I was a single mother working in a public library, I didn't really have much choice and was very open about what was going on. I like wigs but couldn't bear them in a heated environment so I was the bald bookmobile woman. It was fine for the most part.

    The other part was situations like my mother telling everyone she knew, furnishing them with my phone number and instructing them to ring me. WTF? Then there was my sons father who wanted to know not if, but when, I was going to die as he'd planned a holiday to the USA and who did I leave my house to? I wasn't the only one missing chunks of hair after that conversation.

    BC V2 I've been more circumpspect. I wasn't working so that removed some complications and I only told people as I actually came across them. I had to tell Mum, AKA Radio Orange (broadcasting live from the nursing home dining room) but threatened to tell any random old ladies who rang me that she had dementia and I was perfectly fine. The problem with this approach is it leaves a lot to chance and you don't control the situation or the conversation. Reports of my death have been much exaggerated. It can also make people a bit snooty and wounded because you didn't tell them first off. Too bad, it's not about them.

    It's not a bad idea to develop a little spiel that you can deliver in one breath. You can chuck it at people and escape quickly if you need to. Cancer has its advantages for the socially awkward--no one argues with a woman who mutters 'so sorry, got to go' while turning an interesting shade of green. Good luck, this shit ain't easy. Mxx

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    I delivered the news to my friends by WhatsApp. That gave me the space to engage with the response when I felt I was able. My husband told my parents and sister. I told my children with my husband. I was very angry (bad family history) and needed a few weeks before I could talk to anyone. This time is all about you, so do what feels right for you and you slone. Don't hesitate to ask for help, or accept help when it's offered. As difficult as it is, it can and will make a big difference. Hang in there, K xox
  • iSara
    iSara Member Posts: 14 ✭
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    @Zoffiel Thanks for sharing that. Wow the ex is something else *rolling eye emoji*  Thanks for all your advice....taken on board. <3  :)

    @kmakm Accepting help....I am not good at. Going to have to tho. A big lesson for me!  <3
  • iSara
    iSara Member Posts: 14 ✭
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    @Sister Brilliant idea! Blog. I am thinking of documenting my journey as well. Everyone learns something from it and its not a lesson just for us, but for everyone around us. Sometimes I wonder if its happening to show others around us, to appreciate us a little more  :|  Because sometimes we absolutely get taken for granted! 
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    @Zoffiel Omg your ex... That is staggering. I am lost for words...
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    Yeah, he was a bit of a tool. Still is, to the best of my knowledge. The question about travel was probably quite valid if it had been asked out of concern for my son's welfare--"I was going to go overseas, do you think I should cancel in case I have to look after J?" Not "I don't know if my travel insurance will cover me for that. You aren't going to die before December, are you?"

    Pah, it was good to be able to get really angry with someone, anyone. Particularly someone who has justly deserved it on so many occasions. Quite therapeutic really.

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    Righteous rage
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
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    I'm guessing this sort of attitude is what made him your ex.
  • AllyJay
    AllyJay Member Posts: 943 ✭
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    I'm surprised he's not your "late" as opposed to your ex...
  • j9k
    j9k Member Posts: 98 ✭
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    @Zoffiel that is incredible! Must be a thing with exs. My ex asked for some of my Insurance payout - I had taken out a life insurance policy years before with a trauma component, never imagining I'd need it. Christmas eve he called (I was in the middle of chemo) and asked for some of it as he was wanting to get into the property market! He was feeling ripped off. I had paid him out when we divorced so I could stay in our house for my son who had autism. He had money, I had cancer and a big loan. Like you @Zoffiel it gave me somewhere to focus my anger. @iSara, I don't think he got the lesson.  :) I hope you have good people around you and you are getting practice at accepting help. It's hard to do but I think that aspect of BC is our lesson.  <3
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    Gargh! @j9k What were we thinking when we got involved with these people. OK, I sort of know what I was thinking with, but that doesn't last!
  • iSara
    iSara Member Posts: 14 ✭
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    @j9k What The F* - are these men for real?!?! It doesn't cease to amaze me. They just want their cake and eat it to. I hope you told him to go BEEP himself. 

    @Zoffiel I hear you :p  I was young...that was my excuse. Now i'm just fussy lol
    Gonna be single forever! lol

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    @j9k OMFG
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,576 ✭
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    OMG!   What is it with these dropkick Ex's??  That is just plain unbelievable!!  :(   I just had some 'ordinary' ex family members that I couldn't be bothered telling .... they'll find out in the Xmas letter at the end of the year!   ;) 

    All the best for everyone's ongoing treatment xx
  • iSara
    iSara Member Posts: 14 ✭
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    @arpie I hear you! lol Good luck to you too xxx

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