Hello to all the strong women out there!

Sister

@isara We told the kids from the first - they sense something's wrong and it's definitely helped both them and me to keep it open.  I have told them that I will keep them informed of anything I know (just not the whatifs).  They have actually been a great support and they understand if I'm not feeling great.

Sister

Btw mine were 11, 12 and 15 at diagnosis.

iSara

@Sister thanks lovely. We don't give them enough credit sometimes....they are clever and now with google, they learn more than we ever did. I will absolutely fully explain after my plan is sorted with oncologist. Will need them to help around the house a bit more i'm sure. I am a single mum, so I pretty much do everything. 
Even tho they are older teens, they are still boys  lol

xxx

Afraser

Just as an aside, I know some women dread telling parents, sometimes because they may try to take over and 'manage' but sometimes because they are elderly. My mother was 89 when I was diagnosed and in care - physically frail but mentally very alert. I talked it through with nursing home staff first, who strongly advised that I tell her and 'let her be part of your experience'. And so it was. I think I extended her life as she wanted to make sure I was OK. It's horses for courses of course, but telling it as it is may be a good option for both young and old. 

Kiwi Angel

@iSara - welcome to the forum - such a great resource and support when you are first diagnosed - don't know what I would of done without the women on here. xox

iSara

@Afraser Oh you have made a important point. My mum has been through so much later (she's at breaking point) and I have watered it down a little. But just drip feeding her info. I am keeping from her more my emotional state. I have my sisters for that. 

@Kiwi Angel Oh I hear you, I already feel better talking to you ladies! It helps so much! 
Its a journey so many of us have to go through...just scary to think how many people it effects. 
We are strong tho.... its lessons for everyone and especially those around us. To appreciate what we/they have.

xxx

Csiga

Dear iSara,
you will be fine! We will be fine! Everything is only temporary. I keep saying this to myself. It is working very well. You are going to experience some amazing things during your journey. Not everything is bad. 
My suggestion would be to try to find a good psychiatrist who is specialised in treating people with cancer.
I have an amazing one.  

Sister

Good to hear that you have sisters you can turn to @isara.  I know that others will have heard this before (yawn) but one of my favourite memories since diagnosis, is watching my 3 kids laughing and carrying on while they prepared a roast dinner and decorated the pav on Christmas Day.  They had never done anything like that but I was just out of surgery and couldn't manage too much apart from issuing instructions.  A photo of them peeling the spuds is on my phone in my "happy place" album.  

Coming on this forum has been a major part in getting me through this and I'm sure that you will find it helpful.  We're here when you need information and support, to vent or have the odd laugh.  And if you just need to connect with someone who understands, there's usually someone around even at 3am - check out "Night Howls".

iSara

@Csiga Thanks lovely, yes working on finding someone i'm comfortable with. Im not great with opening up to people.

@Sister that sounds gorgeous! it kinds of put everything into perspective doesn't it. Listening to my two laugh is the best sound ever! I always say that too.   
Listening to everyone here, has already helped me heaps! keeps me from guessing and being all in my head...which is my usual. lol

So much thanks to everyone   

iserbrown

@iSara -  in the meantime the caring staff at BCNA will help talk you through and give some direction until you are happy to find someone.
1800 500 258

Rosie_BCNA

@Zoffiel, @iSara, and everyone else on this thread - the speaker at the Plan B Conference on Saturday who talked about the importance of communicating openly with children is Dr. Carrie Lethborg. The webcast from the Plan B conference will be available to watch online through the website by the end of the week so you can listen to Carrie's presentation along with excellent speakers covering exercise, nutrition, lymphoedema, sexuality and intimacy, tips about workplaces and other issues relevant to living well after a breast cancer diagnosis. The link will be available at https://www.bcna.org.au/news-events/events/information-forums/webcasts/ There is already one available for people newly diagnosed with early breast cancer called Just diagnosed: what's next? which may also be helpful for you @iSara. Best wishes, you are in good hands with your fellow travellers on this site, R

Sister

Thanks for that link info @Rosie_BCNA A woman at my exercise class is interested in viewing it.

kmakm

@JJ70 See two posts above. K xox

iSara

@Rosie_BCNA thanks so much. 
I’m putting a semi plan on how I’m going to tell my boys and also my ex. (No words) just in case the boys go to him, as a backup. 
This will be so useful, thank you for sharing.

I keep wondering do I need to tell people, who do I tell, who don’t I. 
Ahhhh too many things to think about.
The few I have told are in shock and then say you poor thing. I just say, I’m strong and I can deal with it. 

I’m absolutely playing the I’m tough card with everyone. But only u ladies know...inside I’m a complicated mess of emotions. 

Thanks for replying ladies...means more than u know. Xxxxx Sara 

Sister

@iSara It's too hard telling people all of the time.  Other people have different ways but this is what I did (and am still doing): 
I told my managers at work (by phone and email as everything happened so quickly); I told the kids (on the way from Breastscreen to the GPs - had no choice because they had to be picked up from school and we had to rush to the doctor's); my husband told his family; I rang two key friends and told them... I explained as much as possible, through tears on both sides of the phone, and asked them to contact everyone else in the friendship groups.  They became my gatekeepers for that initial period.  I asked them to tell people that I wasn't ready to be contacted as it would be too hard to constantly have people asking how I was going, particularly if I was having a rare moment when I wasn't thinking about the cancer, but that I would use them to send out information to others.  Then I set up a blog on wordpress - it's kind of half informative and half diary.  I use it to provide updates about my physical condition and treatment, but also to express some of the emotional side so needless to say, it can get pretty dark at times, for which I don't apologise.  I have provided the link to my family, friends, and colleagues so that they can see where I am.  It is published using obscurity for security - I don't really mind who sees it but I figure it's not really of interest to anyone who is not interested in me, or who is not going through something similar.