New normal at last!
Deanne
Member Posts: 2,163 ✭
I got to the end of active treatment (I'm on tamoxifen now) over 8 months ago and have been wondering to what extent I would recover my level of energy. When you think about it my energy had been depleted first by having cancer for some months before diagnosis, then by surgery, chemo and radiation (not to mention tamoxifen and chemo induced early menopause!). I remember asking my surgeon how long it would take to feel like me again. She suggested it would take about 12 months. That was over 2 months ago and I was still a long way from being able to handle anywhere near what I used to! This was a bit depressing. Was this how life was going to be? Was this my new normal?
All through my treatment and recovery I have tried to help myself through a healthy lifestyle but it seemed that my body still struggled. New eating habits were going well and I kept exercising every day but I still had trouble staying awake past 8 pm and had days where I had no energy. Was it the tamoxifen, the treatment effects, menopause or was I just getting old?
I now think it is really simple. Having cancer and treatment depleted most of my energy. My healthy lifestyle kept me going but when you are running on empty it takes a lot to recharge. The energy I was putting in was being used with not much left over to build up.
I think recovery is different for everyone but still comes down to that basic equation of energy in and energy out. How you get your energy can be different for everyone as can how you use it. It is more than just a physical energy, I think there is also a huge emotional component.
Having cancer meant that I had to focus on me. There was no energy left over at times to spend on others. This is hard to accept. I was a wife, a mother, a sister, daughter, a friend and more. It took a lot to realise that I was no good to anyone else unless I took care of myself first. For months I had no choice and this I could accept. But it got hard again when treatment ended. I was not letting myself build up energy I was putting myself under pressure to resume being there for everyone. Yes I was looking after myself physically but I was losing energy trying to do too much emotionally. I felt that others expected me to be over everything and get back to 'normal'. Some probably did but I did not have to fall back into the old habits that probably led to me getting cancer in the first place! It was up to ME to find my 'new normal'. A way of living that would keep my energy levels at an acceptable or balanced level.
So I stopped trying to resume 'everything'. I worked out what gives me energy (good food, exercise, achieving realistic goals, being around positive people, noticing the amazing simple things in life and nature, having a good laugh, etc) and what drains it (negative people, feeling dissatisfied, anger, frustration, feeling under pressure, etc). As soon as I notice myself feeling worn and a bit frayed I examine what I'm feeling. It is almost always a negative feeling that has drained my energy not actual physical activity. In fact the physical usually GIVES me energy. I now realise that how I think and feel is actually controlled by me not by what is happening or by other people. It is ok to set limits on what I can do for others. Mostly they prefer this because I don't get stressed and resentful and I'm way nicer to be around! Ha ha! If they don't understand then maybe I need to rethink their influence and position in my life.
For the last month I have tried to live an energy positive life and surprise, surprise, I can actually stay awake past 8 pm and I'm feeling great. I think I finally realise that it is not selfish to put yourself first. You actually have way more to offer if you are healthy and content. I think I've found my new normal and it's wonderful!
So if you are wondering if life will ever be good again after treatment ends, think about what you can do to rebuild your energy and plug up the drainage holes! Give yourself time and permission to set yourself new limits. Your family and friends will understand and love the new you! Take care. Deanne xxx
All through my treatment and recovery I have tried to help myself through a healthy lifestyle but it seemed that my body still struggled. New eating habits were going well and I kept exercising every day but I still had trouble staying awake past 8 pm and had days where I had no energy. Was it the tamoxifen, the treatment effects, menopause or was I just getting old?
I now think it is really simple. Having cancer and treatment depleted most of my energy. My healthy lifestyle kept me going but when you are running on empty it takes a lot to recharge. The energy I was putting in was being used with not much left over to build up.
I think recovery is different for everyone but still comes down to that basic equation of energy in and energy out. How you get your energy can be different for everyone as can how you use it. It is more than just a physical energy, I think there is also a huge emotional component.
Having cancer meant that I had to focus on me. There was no energy left over at times to spend on others. This is hard to accept. I was a wife, a mother, a sister, daughter, a friend and more. It took a lot to realise that I was no good to anyone else unless I took care of myself first. For months I had no choice and this I could accept. But it got hard again when treatment ended. I was not letting myself build up energy I was putting myself under pressure to resume being there for everyone. Yes I was looking after myself physically but I was losing energy trying to do too much emotionally. I felt that others expected me to be over everything and get back to 'normal'. Some probably did but I did not have to fall back into the old habits that probably led to me getting cancer in the first place! It was up to ME to find my 'new normal'. A way of living that would keep my energy levels at an acceptable or balanced level.
So I stopped trying to resume 'everything'. I worked out what gives me energy (good food, exercise, achieving realistic goals, being around positive people, noticing the amazing simple things in life and nature, having a good laugh, etc) and what drains it (negative people, feeling dissatisfied, anger, frustration, feeling under pressure, etc). As soon as I notice myself feeling worn and a bit frayed I examine what I'm feeling. It is almost always a negative feeling that has drained my energy not actual physical activity. In fact the physical usually GIVES me energy. I now realise that how I think and feel is actually controlled by me not by what is happening or by other people. It is ok to set limits on what I can do for others. Mostly they prefer this because I don't get stressed and resentful and I'm way nicer to be around! Ha ha! If they don't understand then maybe I need to rethink their influence and position in my life.
For the last month I have tried to live an energy positive life and surprise, surprise, I can actually stay awake past 8 pm and I'm feeling great. I think I finally realise that it is not selfish to put yourself first. You actually have way more to offer if you are healthy and content. I think I've found my new normal and it's wonderful!
So if you are wondering if life will ever be good again after treatment ends, think about what you can do to rebuild your energy and plug up the drainage holes! Give yourself time and permission to set yourself new limits. Your family and friends will understand and love the new you! Take care. Deanne xxx
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Comments
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Well said, and I agree with every word, especially keeping up the good energy levels. It works for me, too, although 9.30 is still a late night! (Keep going to sleep watching the Commonwealth Games!) And when I am feeling tired, a good workout on the treadmill brings the energy levels back straight away. Also I think I should have shares in the kale market..
Hope your lymphedema is still well under control - really like the way you tackle things head on. Best wishes always, Michelle xx
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Hi Deanne,
Thank you for sharing your experiences and I am so glad you have found that balance and are increasing your energy levels! Reading your post this morning has given me that extra push I needed to kick start my week in a positive way! Thanks again. x ~ Daina
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Yes, my lymphoedema is pretty good now and I don't feel guilty asking my husband to do the lymphatic massage on my back, just grateful! He loves me feeling happy and appreciative rather than worrying about bothering him and we are both better off!
I agree that doing some exercise when you are feeling flat is the best way to reenergize but making sure that I keep a check on how I'm feeling emotionally makes such a difference for me too. I had some silly habits that needed to change if I was going to recover to the best of my ability. Hopefully I've got my head around this now!
Best wishes to you too.
Deanne xxx0 -
It does seem that being positive attracts more positivity from others. One of the changes I've made lately is going for a walk before breakfast (even in the cold and rain a couple of times!) and seeing other people out and about being active helps get my day off to a great start. I used to think I had too much to do before I could take time out for exercise but now I can see I actually get more done if I walk first. Now even my workaholic husband is coming with me because he could see how much more energy it was giving me! He realises that going to work a little later is ok because he is more efficient when he gets there after a walk in the fresh air!
Have a great day.
Deanne xxx0 -
What a wise woman you are!! You have gone through all the emotions that I am sure everyone is either going through; or reaching an end to their personal struggles...and looking forward to a positive future. I think that when we start our Cancer Journey we are so overwhelmed by everything that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be 'positive' all the time, to try to be 'normal ' for everyone. It takes time I suppose, when treatment has finished and we can concentrate on the present and on what we want for ourselves...enjoying life, our families and friends. ...and if something doesn't get done..IT DOES'T MATTER!! I wish you a wonderful..happy life. I had my 1st TC Chemo last Friday...went well..feeling OK.. but probably early days yet. I will certainly use your post when needed through my journey...a way to go for me yet. Thanks again. Chris.xx0
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What a wise woman you are!! You have gone through all the emotions that I am sure everyone is either going through; or reaching an end to their personal struggles...and looking forward to a positive future. I think that when we start our Cancer Journey we are so overwhelmed by everything that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be 'positive' all the time, to try to be 'normal ' for everyone. It takes time I suppose, when treatment has finished and we can concentrate on the present and on what we want for ourselves...enjoying life, our families and friends. ...and if something doesn't get done..IT DOES'T MATTER!! I wish you a wonderful..happy life. I had my 1st TC Chemo last Friday...went well..feeling OK.. but probably early days yet. I will certainly use your post when needed through my journey...a way to go for me yet. Thanks again. Chris.xx0
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It is a lot of trial and error during this recovery stage. Winter had changed my schedule and while I was still doing lots of exercise I was doing it in the afternoon because I did not think I had time in the morning. It was still dark at 5.30 when I used to walk and swim in the summer! I thought I had to do everything for everyone and get them off to a good start each morning but I was just struggling and finding my mood was low. Now I'm going for a walk first and my family and the world in general are just fine with this! In fact they join me for the walk most days. Filling the tank before you try to accelerate works much better. I felt like I was pushing myself uphill every day!
Deanne xxx 0 -
I don't know about wise, just stubbornly trying to find a life that I feel good about living. It takes some working out but when it starts to come together it feels great.
I'm glad that your first chemo went well. Listening to your body and just resting when you need to gets you through one step at a time. You are so right about it not mattering if something doesn't get done.
Wishing you all the best for your treatment and recovery.
Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Glad to hear you are doing well and finding ways to boost your mood and energy. I love my morning walk so much now that I practically leap out of bed to get dressed and out the door!
In the afternoons I walk on my treadmill and do some Pilates and yoga. While this still boosts my energy it is also a bit of relaxation and thinking time.
Then each night before bed I do some lymphatic self massage to keep my lymphoedema at bay. The bonus is I sleep better for all the exercise and the relaxing massage!
My ability to cope with things has finally improved and I feel content with my life again. Maybe even more content than before breast cancer because of what I have learnt about myself.
I hope things keep going well for you. Take care and keep walking Deanne xxx 0 -
You have expressed this so well. I have been wondering when I will be doing all that I used to do, I so want that back. so it was good reading your blog that the energy does come but that priorities might change. Well done. I think some of my friends could read your blog - I think their thoughts are that since chemo is finished that I am back to my old "normal" and should be doing what I used to do. I know thats not possible yet and wish they could understand.
keep well and love reading your positive blogs!
Margxx
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It is really hard when others don't understand what it is like to try and recover from cancer and treatment. I have been very fortunate in that my family have been through everything with me and they definitely get it. I have also found that some friends get it and others just don't. It is easier to choose to spend more time with those who do get it right now. It takes the pressure off.
This network is the best place for real understanding. I have read some posts by other ladies which have really helped me understand that we all experience similar difficulties. It is great to feel more capable again. Hang in there it does get better. Meanwhile keep connected on here Deanne xxx 0 -
This site is great to be able to 'talk' with others that are at different stages of treatment and recovery. I think you are so right it does take an awful lot for our poor bodies to recover. I had this time line in my head that I should be recovered by the 12 month mark. When I did not feel that good at that stage it really worried me. I think it takes as long as it takes and this can be a bit different for everyone. I think for me I just had to get that energy balance right and stop expending more than I had available!
I still have a few aches and pains that seem worse in the cold weather but it is great to feel stronger within again. I seem to be able to handle more emotionally again but I'm careful about taking on too much. I know when to pull back and not wear myself out.
I hope that you keep improving and one day before you know it you will feel like you have your life back! It's a great feeling. Take care. Deanne xxx
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It's good to hear from you. Chemo is such a long haul and it can seem like it will be a long time until you recover. It really makes you appreciate being well again when you finish.
Hope that taxol goes ok. I have heard that lots of ladies find it goes very quickly because it is a weekly treatment. Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Great blog:) It's so true about finding a 'new normal'. Glad to hear you have found your way through it. More positive than negative is the way to go. I have stopped putting pressure on myself and am feeling better and more relaxed, just doing what I can to get more energy and taking things as they come. Thanks for blogging and letting us know that what most of us are feeling is quite normal, take care,
Hazelxx
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Great blog:) It's so true about finding a 'new normal'. Glad to hear you have found your way through it. More positive than negative is the way to go. I have stopped putting pressure on myself and am feeling better and more relaxed, just doing what I can to get more energy and taking things as they come. Thanks for blogging and letting us know that what most of us are feeling is quite normal, take care,
Hazelxx
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