Here we (I) go
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@cactusk Sometimes i wish they had gone back in and taken more lymph nodes. With cancer in 4 auxiliary nodes instead they went for double the amount of radiation to a a wider area. So much for that. Now metastatic but hey it could have already been floating around just looking for somewhere comfy to settle in and grow. There are no 100% guarantees in this roller coaster. What was done was done with the knowledge available at the time. Mind you I refused to see that particular rad oncology after he stuffed up by refusing to do targeted radiation on the bone met and his whole bedside manner left me cold and feeling like a piece of meat I only saw him 3 times in the whole of my treatment.
Well Im still alive getting what i can out of life and as long as treatment keeps working I’ll keep riding the roller coaster. Find somethings to laugh at. And look forward to retirement.3 -
Thank you @cranky_granny
i think this is the first time - so far - that I’ve actually felt scared.
that’s what is getting to me right now.
day at a time , today is a tricky day.
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@cactusk. Have a perusal through the friday funnies on here i do when im a bit down. I go to the older posts also the is wise words which has some great sayings etc. it can help take your mind off the worry. I will sometimes end up searching the web for more of them. Or you tube for funning clips. Usually animals or kids doing the funny stuff kids do.I’ve gone back to my sewing and crocheting my brain needs to concentrate on laying out the pattern pieces and cutting them out. Check out creative corner there is some very clever people posting on there. You might get some inspiration from them.2
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Nightmare keep strong sending hugs x0
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Update: Met with my Medical oncologist and her resident yesterday - really lovely humans and felt so much better after my 90 minute consultation. We've decided to do the oncotype DX - fits my current results.
I was so dispirited to find that I'm in the 'grey area'. Red flags: 2 mets (1 micro and 1 macro) in the 2 nodes they removed, lymphovascular invasion and they can't do more surgery given where the tumour was.
Good things are very high ER+ percentage so we're confident that any hormone therapy will be well received. I know that radio is in my future - crossing everything that the the genome test will come back with the news I'm hoping for. I realise that I now need to wait again (!) but my anxiety is so much better given i realise where we'll go with either result. Gosh, rollercoaster is right.
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I have to say when I sent my test off it was a relief it was 3 weeks of not thinking about or pretending I hadn't got it.
Good luck.0 -
Isn’t it so strange - nothing has really changed and yet my anxiety has lessened so much! I wonder why that is @Pommy8?
our brains telling us to take a 3 week rest from worry while we can?
I’m kind of relieved it’s over Christmas & some time off work so I can really relax, well. As much as I can.
how did you feel when it was close to the test results coming back? Were you calm by then or as it got closer did the stress increase again too? not wanting to stress too early, bit genuinely interested in how others found this bit,0 -
I wasn't to bad days running up to last week of results coming in but opening the letter I felt sick .
Fingers and toes crossed for you.1 -
I met with my new rad onc today - at a hospital much closer to my house. She will follow the updated protocols - ie 15 days of radiation (as opposed to the more traditional 25 days).
Now just to make it through the next couple of weeks till my Oncotype comes back.
I'm aware of the chemo regime and have a few things in place ready to go IF that's the way my treatment journey will continue, but I'm hoping and keeping everything crossed that the next bit will be 3 weeks of radio. Day at a time - still - and sending messages to all the gods / deities / guardian angels that I can think of.
I realise that this bit is very much out of my control (as if the other bits were?) but just need to focus on something so I don't drive myself up the wall.
It's been 3 weeks today since my surgery, and given the wound has healed pretty well, will hopefully go for a swim this weekend. Looking forward to the small victories.1 -
Thanks @arpie.
I haven't heard from my actual sister (in WA) since before my surgery - so I feel like I'm protected by my BCNA sisters with your advice above. I really really appreciate it.
You are right, but gosh, I'm itching to get in the water again. Not just for the cool, but it's my stress relief. I absolutely do not want to interrupt my healing.
I'm just really struggling with the anxiety about the next stage of treatment at the moment. Anything that can help to ease that.
Breathing ...2 -
Is that a good thing that you haven't heard from your sister??
Sometimes, dealing with rellies can be tricky, too! xx.
Good on you, @cactusk - re helping with anxiety - Just try not to get ahead of yourself .... try & deal with stuff going on RIGHT HERE & NOW .... it is called 'mindfulness' .... concentrate on current stuff, not worrying about next week or next month (difficult tho it is!) as you don't really have any control over that just now & it can be upsetting!
Try getting out (if you are up to it) and doing something that you LOVE doing normally (so long as it isn't too strenuous that may interfere with your healing/recovery - or swimming! ....)
Better still - give the Helpline a bell TODAY (last day until early next year, I believe!!) 1800 500 258 .... they will be able to talk you thru it xx
Yep, take plenty of deep breaths and take each day as it comes, each hour, if need be xx. You can do this.
Maybe Curl up with a good book .... have a cool shower (instead of the swim ....) and check out some of the good shows on Netflix ....
take care & all the best xx1 -
Thanks @arpie
I called the Help Line, and on their suggestion called the Cancer Council in NSW. The counsellor I spoke to was really lovely, helpful and got me over the hump yesterday.
I spent a couple of hours last night with my bestie and we planned some good things each day over the next week, so that I have small 'carrots' each day (as the counsellor suggested).
Appreciate your support too - thank you for taking the time.
Onwards!
Kelly1 -
Well done YOU, Kelly - now you have their number, don't be afraid to call them, if you need to xx
That is a terrific idea to spend the next week with your bestie - with something new to look forward to each day xx. ENJOY
I reckon I'll be trying to get out in my kayak as often as I can, fishing the lake, AWAY from the madding crowd - our town is already taken over by tourists (we call them terrorists!) I've stocked up on food for a couple of weeks so I don't have to do battle in the carparks!
A bunch of my ukulele buddies are getting together for lunch on Xmas Day by the river & we'll be playing our ukes & singing up a storm ..... if the rain doesn't beat us to it! LOL It is threatening to be wet!
And if you want to brighten up your lounge a little bit over Xmas (& if you have access to a Bottle Brush Tree) ...... try this really neat trick!!
The flowers last about a week ..... change them when the water gets cloudy!
I saw these at a Nursing Home that my uke group played an Xmas Gig at last week (see pics below) - and it just looked BRILLIANT!! I will be raiding someone's bottle brush tree today, I reckon!
Aussie Xmas Bush looks good in it too - but you can't beat the bottle brush!! And it is in Xmas Colours!! Red & Green!!
Different coloured BBs in different bottles - look gorgeous. The grouping of 3 different sized bottles looked even better (I should have taken it at a better angle to 'show it off' more!)
Pass the idea around to your bestie & other friends & family! Just make sure the bottles are water tight first!!! 
Take care & have a great week xx
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Love these Christmas jars!!..now to raid the pantry for out of date pasta jars..😁1
