The outlier

Hi all, I’m back again. In feb this year they found a new tumour which at the time they thought was a bit they had missed from my lumpectomy but now they are thinking is a very early recurrence (2 months post finishing herceptin). Last week I noticed some discolouration on my breast near my nipple which they biopsied and found it was the cancer on the move and had come in to my skin via the lymphatic system (despite being on chemo). The last week has been the usual whirl of staging scans which have all shown it contained to the breast still. Yesterday I had a mastectomy where they also took a large amount of skin and pulled up my stomach skin to cover the gap and they did an auxiliary clearance. I’m feeling terrified of what is to come and it’s not helping that the drs seem genuinely worried too and say things like “I’ve never seen cancer move this fast” and the like. They have all said that there is hope that they have got it all now but I feel like that’s a pretty small hope. I’m scared and sad and I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere for support. I’m not early breast cancer, I’m not a survivor and I’m not yet metastatic. But I’m scared I could be dead within months the way things are going. I’m her2+ er- and have been on herceptin, perjeta and taxol but I’m guessing that’s changing soon. I get the results from pathology next Thursday and I guess they make a plan from there depending on what they find but it all feels pretty hopeless. Some days I find I can feel calm and ok and other days I just cry which feels like a waste if I haven’t got many days left. I just want some better luck to come my way and I’m tired of being the outlier.
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I found myself feeling teary reading your post. I can feel your concern, fear of recurrence.
I have a friend similar to you, had the full chemo and herceptin treatment only to have a recurrence. It's those pesky stray cells.....here's hoping the pathology suggests they've rid them for good. Hope you've got yourself busy, going for a walk, reading the paper, sitting out on the verandah, any distraction.
Maybe go back to page 1 on the Friday Funnies
Take care and know we're willing you along for good results
take care, our thoughts are with you xx
Michele xx
Take care & all the best for your Onc appointment xx
Good luck 🍀♥️😘