Interesting article: “Smile! You’ve got cancer”

A friend shared this article with me today, by the great American writer Barbara Ehrenreich. It’s about 10 years old but I found it really interesting, and am so curious to hear thoughts from the wonderful minds here on this forum. Especially those of you who have been in this world for a little while longer than me. Even just a few weeks in I found a lot resonated for me and has given me a lot to think about!
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
(It looks like several of Ehrenreich’s books are about to be re-issued in May 2021, just FYI).
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Feelings are intensely personal and vary accordingly but while rage can be a temporary release (and a normal reaction), I’ve never found it a sustainable way of dealing with anything. Even when directed against other sentient beings who might possibly change, improve, apologise! Certainly not against rogue cells. In the end, it can cause even more harm to the one already hurt. Explore by all means but maybe not stay there.
an eloquently posed reality-check.
Why bother raging against things which try to help even if the well meaning isnt always helpful? If you dont want to buy a pink shirt dont.
Of course its not a good thing to happen to anyone but ive tried to make the best of it and move forward which is not the same as having an epiphany that life is so much better now.
Ive had every emotion. Emotions can't really hurt you its what you do with them.
"...rather than providing emotional sustenance, the sugar-coating of cancer can exact a dreadful cost. First, it requires the denial of understandable feelings of anger and fear, all of which must be buried under a cosmetic layer of cheer. This is a great convenience for health workers and even friends of the afflicted, who might prefer fake cheer to complaining, but it is not so easy on the afflicted. "
"Whether repressed feelings are themselves harmful, as many psychologists claim, I'm not so sure, but without question there is a problem when positive thinking "fails" and the cancer spreads or eludes treatment. Then the patient can only blame herself: she is not being positive enough; possibly it was her negative attitude that brought on the disease in the first place".
I certainly share Ehrenreich's "sense of outrage over the disease and the available treatments (see all of out threads on side effects!). What causes it and why is it so common, especially in industrialised societies? Why don't we have treatments that distinguish between different forms of breast cancer or between cancer cells and normal dividing cells? In the mainstream of breast cancer culture, there is very little anger, no mention of possible environmental causes, and few comments about the fact that, in all but the more advanced, metastasised cases, it is the "treatments", not the disease, that cause the immediate illness and pain."
Penelope Schofield, wrote: "We should question whether it is valuable to encourage optimism if it results in the patient concealing his or her distress in the misguided belief that this will afford survival benefits... If a patient feels generally pessimistic... it is important to acknowledge these feelings as valid and acceptable."
Back in those days the narrative was driven by the professions treating us, rather than those experiencing the disease.
Those narratives focussed on surviving your cancer and (this really shat me) becoming a better person for it. Or suggested that your failure to bond with your child could be sorted by having a valium and a nice lie down. Just get over it and be a proper mum.
I don't think trauma changes us, but it does put pressure on the fault lines. I believe that, for me, seeing others walking the same path and hearing their often wildly divergent experiences is a useful tool. For some people. For others, it just increases their anxiety.
I think the shock of my diagnosis really sank in, as well as AC dose dense round 2, and I had to check out of reading or thinking about cancer for a bit.