a not coping day
May20019
Member Posts: 28 ✭
Completely lost it yesterday. I got cross with my husband and that was not fair on him. It was not his fault I was having a not coping day.
I came home from the gym and shops and thought if another person asks me how I am today I will scream. I can't say how I am really feeling, they are just being nice. I just say oh yes doing fine feeling good. When I would really like to say actually feeling shit this cancer thing sucks and a few other not so nice words I will leave out. Then things happened in the kitchen just stupid things. My husband came in to see what was the problem as he could hear me swearing and that is when I lost it with him he got the brunt of my rage which really was unfair. Anyway had a good cry and feeling a little less fraught today. But stayed at home so that I did not have to face talking to people about the elephant in the room.
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I lost it once, with everyone, when I frizzed my wig by doing what I had been warned not to do - open a hot oven with it on. I was up to high doh. Rest of the chorus? Not really with me. The ones who love you will understand, forgive and forget. You need to do so too. It’s often the damnedest things that can set us off. Eternal coping is not a human attribute. We can do it sometimes. Possibly even for longer periods than we thought possible. But snapping is always a risk. Don’t fret. No-one died. It will all be there tomorrow, but you will be better prepared and may even find it possible to laugh about the ridiculousness of life. Take care.3
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Thank goodness for our loved ones huh? I felt guilty as all get out when I would take my frustrations out on them but I'd still rather that than do it to some poor stranger, a colleague...or the nurse putting the cannula in for chemo!1
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Yep. Losing it in the kitchen is a 'thing'. I cracked it when I dropped a tray of oysters Kilpatrick while I was getting them out of the grill. Completely spat the dummy.
The Energiser Bunny, bless him, was trying to calm me down and pick up the oysters while I'm roaring and bellowing and trampling all over them.
There was a period of shocked silence at the end of the ranting. Quite a watershed moment as he had though I was Coping So Well.
Screaming in the car is pretty good. It's best to be out of town a bit on a quiet road and it makes your throat really sore,. I've found it helpful. The old blue wagon proably sounded like the world's weirdest ambulance slowly approaching but, hey, what ever works. MXX
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I'm a car screamer on occasion. It helps, but yes, you do end up with a sore throat!0
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I’ve never thought of the car. I went outside at work one day and screamed. The factory neighbours next door just looked at me and continued working. My colleagues just asked me if I felt better. That was all before BC. Next time I will try the car.
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I'm a tree screamer. When I used to go jog/walking each morning I'd tell the trees everything. Good thing trees
can't talk! Though, you do have to be careful there isn't someone coming the other way along the track your walking on!!
I hope today is a better day @May20019
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@May20019
I'm now 2 years down the track. In the early days I seethed at the foolish and inconsiderate things some people said.
There is a very large boab tree just off the end of my verandah that copped the brunt of my anger. I threw many a boab nut at it. I also sobbed my heart out leaning against him, no showers of rain needed to water him! That old man boab still quakes in fear when he sees me coming.
It has taken me 2 years to understand that people think they must say something, that or they are just plain stupid.
One of the nicest things ever said to me was from my neighbour, several bush blocks down the road, who simply said, "I cannot imagine how you must feel". Nothing else needed to be said.
Warm Kimberley wishes to you, go well.
Annie
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Ah yes, that's normal. I recall one day when I was feeling like hell, I walked into a shop and the shop assistant asked me 3 times in one visit "How are you today?". In my job, I never ask how people are, because they just might tell me (smiling). Note: I am a Pharmacy Assistant and most of my day is spent with sick people. On that day, I had been through a Chemo session, lost all my hair recently, and was scared. That's how I was that day.
What got me through those experiences was getting on here. Finding a community of people going through the same stuff. Warning my partner on good days, he may cop the brunt of my feelings, but don't take it personally.
All you are experiencing, every word you say, every emotion you have, it's normal. Take deep breaths and focus on the sound of the air travelling in and out of your nose. Perhaps you will do as I did, learn to Meditate and learn to shift your focus.
X1
