Recovery blues - looking for a kick up the bum!

Andrea_J1
Andrea_J1 Member Posts: 8 ✭
in Newly diagnosed
I had bilateral racket mamoplasty on the 12th December. I get my results and surgical review on the 7th January and I have my initial appointment with the radiation oncologist on the 22nd January.  
Is is common for people to feel so low?? 
Shouldn't I be enjoying the fact that I'm not to vacuum, iron or hang out washing etc.. 
Shouldn't I be enjoying the good wishes, visits, flowers and chocolates?
Instead I'm feeling self pity and self loathing.. 
I nearly passed out the first 2 times I saw my boobs!! I am normally the positive, calm and controlled person.. I don't normally get easily flapped!
Any proverbial kicks would really be appreciated.
I hope you all have a fantastic New Year xoxo


Comments

  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,730 ✭
    Be gentle on yourself!  You're a warrior! Reflect on how far you have come! Enjoy the chocolates and flowers! Good luck with your review. 
    Take care 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 8,129 ✭
    Make haste slowly @Andrea_J1  .... the emotions & physical pain & discomfort can kick in at any time, day or night, multiple times a day .... it is totally natural to feel low, to be pissed off, to feel angry at the world (or even your family & friends!) cos they really don't know what you've been thru.  

    You are strong, you can do this - and with the help of family & friends & GPs/counsellors - and us .... we can smooth the way for you.

    Take care, be kind to yourself as you work your way thru this quagmire of crap that we all trudge thru xxxx

    All the best for your surgical review on the 7th (that is just 2 days after my diagnosis 'last year' and my surgery 10 days later ....)

    Take lots of deep breaths, take one day at a time & if you it feels right, have a cry or a scream - you are entitled to it.

    Thinking of you xxxx 

  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899 ✭
    @Andrea_J1 There's very little that's normal in BC World; but what you've been feeling is normal. And tomorrow you might feel better and then half an hour feel down in a pit again. That's the way it goes. This challenge is only partly physical; much of it is psychological and emotional. You don't need a kick to get you going. You just need - as the other ladies have said - to be kind to yourself. Let yourself wallow when you need to. 

    I know what you mean about always having been positive, calm and controlled. That makes it extra hard when you feel yourself coming apart at the seams. You expect so much of yourself. But in this situation, your usual expectations are just not going to cut it. This is unique territory you're in and it's going to take a long time to get through it.

    Yes, appreciate the good wishes and flowers and chocolates - especially the chocolates - and accept the love offered to you. But gratitude is no magic wand to help you feel better. 

    Try to think of an activity that you can manage physically and find an occasional moment of joy, if you can - even if it's just listening to some favourite music.

    I've had many times of hating my body (10 1/2 months since mastectomy) and doubting that I've done the right thing in choosing the reconstruction process I'm going through. And I'm still doubtful. That self-loathing you feel is understandable. It's very unfair for any of us to be in this situation. Sometimes I struggle hard to find any bits of myself I can still love.

    Just take things an hour at a time.

    hugs, Fran 
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,489 ✭
    We know what it feels like, and your feelings fit right in. I had shocking blues after my mastectomy. As Fran says, nothing about BC is normal so expect to be different. I am a control freak so this whole BC thing has knocked me down pretty low. Sometimes I need help to scrape me off the tarmac and other times I stubbornly refuse any assistance. Do what you need to do in order to get through this. Screaming works a treat for me but scares the living daylights out of everyone within a five km radius. Don’t be harsh on yourself - easier said than done, but imagine what you would be saying to your favourite person if they were in the same scenario. Big hugs. xxx
  • Jenny_BCNA
    Jenny_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 149 ✭
    Hi @Andrea_J1sending you a private message
  • Andrea_J1
    Andrea_J1 Member Posts: 8 ✭
    Thank you everyone,
    Your wise words are just what I need.  You are all so amazing and inspirational. 
    It is comforting to know that this abnormal emotional me is "normal".   
    @Blossom1961, my husband has told me today (after 26 years) that I too am a control freak!!  :D  
    xoxoxox
  • Andrea_J1
    Andrea_J1 Member Posts: 8 ✭
    @CathyMac, sending you big hugs xoxo
    Did you have the lumpectomy first and then the mastectomy?  
    I think the process is the worst!  I thought I would bounce back quickly!! Shows how naive I am.  I obviously didn't read all the information very well!! 
  • Beryl C.
    Beryl C. Member Posts: 270 ✭
    @CathyMac - delete the word 'should' from your vocabulary now! 'Shoulds' have no purpose other than to create further stress. 'I might ....... or, 'maybe I can' are preferable. Give yourself permission to behave and think differently. In the first few months I felt as though I was in a washing machine but eventually learned that my life had changed, was changing and it would take time and common sense to negotiate my way through the stress. Xxxxx Beryl C.

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