@Andrea_J1 There's very little that's normal in BC World; but what you've been feeling is normal. And tomorrow you might feel better and then half an hour feel down in a pit again. That's the way it goes. This challenge is only partly physical; much of it is psychological and emotional. You don't need a kick to get you going. You just need - as the other ladies have said - to be kind to yourself. Let yourself wallow when you need to.
I know what you mean about always having been positive, calm and controlled. That makes it extra hard when you feel yourself coming apart at the seams. You expect so much of yourself. But in this situation, your usual expectations are just not going to cut it. This is unique territory you're in and it's going to take a long time to get through it.
Yes, appreciate the good wishes and flowers and chocolates - especially the chocolates - and accept the love offered to you. But gratitude is no magic wand to help you feel better.
Try to think of an activity that you can manage physically and find an occasional moment of joy, if you can - even if it's just listening to some favourite music.
I've had many times of hating my body (10 1/2 months since mastectomy) and doubting that I've done the right thing in choosing the reconstruction process I'm going through. And I'm still doubtful. That self-loathing you feel is understandable. It's very unfair for any of us to be in this situation. Sometimes I struggle hard to find any bits of myself I can still love.
Just take things an hour at a time.
hugs, Fran
