Scared worried and confused
Comments
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Thank u I'm still trying to come to terms with it all0
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Thank u I am still trying to get my head around it all. Tonight all I want to do is break down in tears. I'm feeling emotional at the moment0
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Thank u I can't wait until it gets better I am over feeling this way. It feels like I'm letting my family and friends down at the moment0
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@Leilani
I get you. I was where you are now a year ago. I honestly thought my life was never going to be the same. I could not see a future, just bleakness. All I wanted to do was sit in the corner and cry (at 66!???)
I found my mind crashed from one thought to another but never settled. And I am a Kimberley woman. We are supposed to be resourceful, self reliant and resilient. I fell to pieces.
Even my beloved sewing (I make quilts) held no joy and believe me give me a piece of fabric and a sewing machine and I am in heaven.
You are in no way letting your family down and sorry I am going to be blunt, friends will just have to look after themselves. This is now a time for you. I took months to learn that lesson because I am the organiser and go to person. And you know what- the club's and groups I belonged to did not fall apart because I was not there.
I have completed active treatment and am now in the monitoring / followup stage. I still have days where I wonder what on earth happened. There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about my breast cancer at least once. However life is good, it has improved. It is different. I am different. My priorities have changed. I have gained some warm and supportive online friends through this BCNA site and I have lost some friends in town. They were only fair weather friends.
Use this site for support. We have all been there. We know what it is like. Cry, let the tears flow, be sad, you have just been given a diagnosis no woman ever wants to hear. It is a shock and it is traumatic but it will get easier. Give yourself time. Do not rush things. I now only ever do an hour and one activity at a time.
And remember my comment about sewing - well the quilt I am working on is now 3/4's finished. A year ago, in a fit of bad temper, sadness and despair I said I would never sew again and I was going to sell all my sewing machines (5 of them!). I am glad I didn't.
Take care and warm Kimberley wishes to you along with lots of big hugs.
Annie
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Awh thank you I sold my sewing machine and over locker I wish I hadn't now but when I go and do something to keep my mind active I loss it as I feel lime I shouldn't be doing it. Lime today I was out in the garden weeding I didn't do it for long and then I came back inside and said to myself that it's on to that but I didn't go back out all I did was lock myself in the room away from everyone so they didnt See me cry and be depressed0
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@Leilani
Ah that is exactly what I did, only I closed the gate to our block. I live on 5 acres 10 kms from town. The house is in the middle of the block and screened by trees. No one can see in so you don't know if we are home. Visitors were not welcomed. I needed to hide away and lick my wounds. Problem is my husband is a gregarious fellow and loves being with people. I like the inside of my gate and fence. I used to go and hide in my sewing room. It was my way of dealing with BC.
There was many a plant (weed or otherwise) ripped from my beautiful tropical garden and hurled in anger at what life had dealt me. I swear that the big old man boab tree at the end of the verandah shook with fear every time I walked near him because he bears the scars of many boab nuts hurled at him in anger. I watered him with buckets of tears.
All that you think, feel and fear is normal. All of us have been there. It is good that you have found this forum so early in your diagnosis. I did not stumble upon it until some months after surgery. It was my salvation.
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@Leilani no such thing as stupid questions here - I know at the beginning of all this shit I probably asked a few I thought were stupid at the time. It’s such an emotional and overwhelming time that u will probably go through every emotion under the sun. Just remember we are all here for u xoxoo0
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@leilani Nearly 10 months on and I'm back tending to the garden. The beds are now starting to look like they need weeding rather than mowing. I'm also the organiser and sorter outer around here. I just can't do it now and honestly, I don't think I ever will to that extent again. So many of the women who are on this forum have described themselves as organisers - I don't know whether we are the people who "stick" to this site or if there are an inordinate amount of us diagnosed with breast cancer. No scientific evidence, but I honestly think that stress had a great deal to play in my bc. The first thing to do is realise that the world will truck on without you sorting it out and if the mess around you is too unbearable, give instructions and disappear to another room where you can't see it. Do what you can, when you can. You will need your energy to deal with other things.
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Hello lady's just wondering if any of u had a mastectomy and axillary lymph nodes surgery just wondering how long u have numbness for its been just over a week since I had surgery0
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It can take a while. My underarm belonged to someone else for some time. It's still not really good about detecting heat and cold. Removal of lymph nodes disturbs the nerves and can have quite an impact. Just give it time, which is hard to do I know. Best wishes.0
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Thank u for ur help I appreciate it0
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I think it depends a lot on how many nodes are removed and how the surgeon gets to them. I had 20 removed 9 were affected. Then whether or not you have radiation. Radio can make the effects on the nerves etc worse. Almost one year now since my surgery, and underarm area still a bit numb but that's OK, however constantly painful when stretching or using the arm eg for gardening. But I do it anyway of course and put up with the discomfort though gets bad at night and I take a painkiller like Advil to get back to sleep. It may be radiation fibrosis, nobody is sure. But it's tolerable. You may have no problems, don't worry about it, just focus on being kind to yourself and helping your body heal, the sense of confusion and loss of control is the worst thing, you just have to go along with it and try to stay in the moment. It will get better!
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The pain does go way but I've still got the numbness and scrambled sensations 9 months later. I hope that it does improve more but I doubt that it will ever come back completely. Bonus was putting on the freezing MooGoo and not noticing it if I started in that spot!
Oh - I had 8 removed in total - 5 and then another 3 - or 3 and another 5 - no memory anymore 😎0 -
Hi all,
Nearly two years after a full clearance. 24 nodes taken and the sensation is almost back completely under my arm and on the back of it as well which was a weird combination of numb in spots and super sensitive in others for a while..
. Still numb just along the scar line so that may not come back but the only time I notice that bit is when I shave. I had good sensation back after 12 months but it is only now that I can feel very light touch. It keeps getting better and better but does take a while.
I find if I don't still do stretching exercises (got a bit slack as time goes on) with that arm up high it will get a bit tight when fully extended so I do my best to do high stretches regularly. Using a light weight is good as well. Just a 1kg hand weight is good. I found that even when it started to feel really good after about 8 or 10 months, lifting at full extension was not really comfortable. It is much better now. Just have to keep working that arm until it gets itself organised.
xoxoxo
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