Friday Funnies
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Oh dear .... some people truly shouldn't travel!!
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
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@arpie Being in the tourism accommodation business, I can relate to these complaints. Yes they actually say things like this.3
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What comedians would do this skit 'well'? I reckon Carol Burnett & Tim Conway ......
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Not sure if this one should be in Wise Words or the Friday Funnies! Here goes!IMPORTANT POINTS TO PONDER OVER1. THE NICEST THING ABOUT THE FUTURE IS THAT IT ALWAYS STARTS TOMORROW.2. MONEY WILL BUY A FINE DOG, BUT ONLY KINDNESS WILL MAKE HIM WAG HIS TAIL.3. IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, YOU PROBABLY DON’T HAVE ANY SENSEAT ALL.4. SEAT BELTS ARE NOT AS CONFINING AS WHEELCHAIRS.5. A GOOD TIMETO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IS WHEN YOU’RE IN DEEP WATER.6. HOW COME IT TAKES SO LITTLE TIME FOR A CHILD WHO IS AFRAID OF THE DARK TOBECOME A TEENAGER WHO WANTS TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT.??7. BUSINESS CONVENTIONS ARE IMPORTANT BECAUSE THEY DEMONSTRATE HOWMANY PEOPLE A COMPANY CAN OPERATE WITHOUT.8. WHY IS IT THAT AT CLASS REUNIONS YOU FEEL YOUNGER THAN EVERYONE ELSELOOKS.??9. STROKE A CAT AND YOU WILL HAVE A PERMANENT JOB.10. NO ONE HAS MORE DRIVING AMBITION THAN THE TEENAGE BOY WHO WANTS TOBUY A CAR.11. THERE ARE NO NEW SINS; THE OLD ONES JUST GET MORE PUBLICITY.12. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN GETTING A CALL FOR A WRONG NUMBER AT 4am– FOR EXAMPLE IT COULD BE THE RIGHT NUMBER.13. NO ONE EVER SAYS “IT’S ONLY A GAME.” WHEN THEIR TEAM IS WINNING.14. I’VE REACH THE AGE WHERE ‘HAPPY HOUR’ IS A NAP.15. BE CAREFUL ABOUT READING THE FINE PRINT- THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE GOING TOLIKE IT.16. THE TROUBLE WITH BUCKET SEATS IS THAT NOT EVERYBODY HAS THE SAME SIZEBUCKET.17. DO YOU REALIZE THAT, IN ABOUT 40 years, WE’LL HAVE THOUSANDS OF OLDLADIES RUNNING AROUND FULL OF TATTOOS.??18. AFTER 60, IF YOU DON’T WAKE UP ACHING IN EVERY JOINT, YOU’RE PROBABLYDEAD.19. LIFE ISN’T TIED WITH A BOW, BUT IT’S STILL A GIFT.20. POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN FOR THE SAME REASON.21. ALWAYS BE YOURSELF BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER DON’T MIND AND THEONES THAT MIND DON’T MATTER.5
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As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a fuck anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1.. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2.. My wild oats now are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3.. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4.. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5.. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6.. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
7.. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8.. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamppost.
9.. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I POSTED THIS MESSAGE BEFORE..........???
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I used to wonder about those people who paid a small fortune to buy those little bottles of EVIAN water ......... until I spelled it backwards!
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