Ductal carcinoma in situ

Sister

@rr I don't know if you've mentioned how old your kids are.  Mine, at the beginning of this, were 11, 12 & 15 (now have all had a birthday).  We've been straight with them about everything (although have avoided what if's) including what might be expected from chemo.  While they have been upset at time because I'm feeling so lousy, they have also risen to the occasion.  They have also understood when birthday celebrations have to happen 2 months later because chemo just gets in the way.  I think that it has helped them to know that they are part of making things work rather than wondering what secrets are being kept.  I have also spoken to their teachers about this so that, if behaviour is odd at school, they know what is going on.

kmakm

@RR It's not strange to me. Read my bio and you'll understand why. DM me if you'd like to chat privately.  Kate

RR

@Sister - our babies are 8 and 12, and we have been honest with them from the start. I had a meeting with their school principal on Friday and outlined things, however at this stage we are not discussing it with the wider community. There will be lifelong lessons learned through this journey. I can already see them being more resilient xx

RR

@kmakm - it's awful. I watched my grandmother, aunt and more recently my own mother go through it. The thought is terrifying, however I have to do it for our girls as I don't want them to not have a mother, like I. My mum passed away 7 years ago when I was 38 and she 58 - far too young to leave and too young not to have a mother. Thanks for your support - big virtual hugs xxx

kmakm

@RR It is unspeakably brutal for youngsters to experience the kind of losses our families have. My heart goes out to you. My kids have seen too much suffering and death at too young an age. It will of course shape them, hopefully into gentler, more empathetic, caring human beings. In the end we do what we're do for love. You sound like you and your husband are going to have a firm hand on the tiller. We're here for you whenever you need us. K xox

Kiwi Angel

@RR thinking of u. Like u I was less worried about losing a breast than the chemo. For me it was the thought of losing my hair and it becoming public knowledge instead of my own private business. Where I have chemo they have a cold cap though so I have been using that and with my 3rd dose I have some very thin hair with some bald patches but have enough to hang a sad ponytail out of the back of a baseball cap for the majority of the time and I use a wig for special occasions. It must look real enough cause I got complements on my new hairstyle from people that know me last night. I imagine u r still quite shocked and trying to wrap your head around things. We r all here for support. Big hugs xoxoxo

RR

Thank you, lovely @Kiwi Angel - I will ask about that!

Finch

@RR  I too lost my mum when she was 58 and I was 36,  though not to cancer , she was hit by an unlicensed uninsured 17 year old motorbike driver whilst she and my dad were pedestrians on a footpath. Mum lived a week and Dad battled his injuries in hospital for three months and then home to me for 28 months . They were both in beds next to each other in  intensive care, it was hard for me to know who to sit with and when.    My mum's mum died young of cancer  ... I never met her . My children were 9 and 8 at the time.
I'm not sure how to describe how I felt about turning 58 .... it was going to be a significant birthday .... but then I go and get diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks before and operated on a week before. Telling my dad was very hard.
I have my third chemo tomorrow @kiwiangel does also .... I'm feeling great tonight , all back to normal, ready to be hit with it again.  I say bring it on and get this over with. 
Im doing everything I can to get rid of this rotten disease. Chemo was offered and I took it and running with it . Easy for me to say as my children are adults .  Children are resilient and they learn good life lessons from this and make understanding compassionate adults. 
All the best @RR , wishing you calm as you work through and decide on your plan.  Chemo is doable and the drugs used these days to sort out the side effects work well. We're all in this together . The support is amazing. Hugs. Take care. Xxxxx

Kiwi Angel

@Finch @RR. I lost my mum to cancer when she was 59 - she for lung cancer about 10-15 years after giving up smoking - just unfair. I was about 25 when she passed. We lost my father in law to prostrate cancer 6 years ago and then lost my father to a stroke the year after - I was kind of ok with Dad as he had battled Parkinson’s for years so it was good he had a relatively quick passing - I couldn’t of bared to see him suffer like my mum did. @Finch what a time for u to get diagnosed - big hugs to both u ladies xoxoxo 

Sister

Part of living is the accumulation of these experiences.  Some people seem to get through most of their lives without many of these events - some just seem to get overloaded.  My wonderful Dad died of a massive heart attack when I was a 13yo home alone with him - that screwed me up for a number of years (no psychological help, in those days).  My big sister was diagnosed with bc when she was 32 with 2 very young children.  She went into surgery for biopsy and came out with a full mastectomy.  Her first words were that she wanted to live to see her boys grow up.  Well, she was there when they turned 18 and 21 but not much longer.  During that time she also battled bipolar and we battled with her.  I lost my warrior Mum to heart disease almost a year to the day of my sister's death.  My kids have lost their other grandfather since my diagnosis.  And then there's all of the other "smaller" traumas that beset us - in our personal arena we've had illness, injury, bushfire, depression.  I find myself thinking a lot of the past as well as the future.  My kids will understand uncertainty and grief, and hopefully also find that they are resilient enough to manage life with all it can throw at you.

Finch

Oh golly, life is a huge slog . You started on a very hard road at 13yr @Sister , how traumatic , and @Kiwi Angel with your mum at 25, I got to 36 virtually unscathed but it's been a bit of a bumpy road since then putting it mildly. It appears most of us on here seem to have lived through traumas and stress. And maybe appeared to deal with it all quite well at the time  .... I still think this has a huge factor when it comes to getting bc. Hugs everyone 

Kiwi Angel

@Sister - that’s so sad and so true. Some people get to their 60’s before they have loss like a parent that has lived a rich life until their 90’s and then some of us just get hammered with loss. As they say, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger - doesn’t make it any easier though. So sorry for your losses xoxoxoox

Sister

I, for one, think that diseases such as bc owe a lot to stress.  Whether that's in my mind (ha!) or reality may never be proven, I guess.

kmakm

I agree with that @Sister. My sister-in-law did too.

Your family has suffered a great deal and I am so sorry that all of you have had to go through that. Our society seems to 'hide' death but for many that's not really true, is it?

When my sister died we spoke to several social workers and psychologists and they told us that there is evidence that for most kids experiencing loss early makes them into more empathetic young adults. I suppose it depends on how the trauma and grieving is handled.

I have tried a handful of times to explain what's going on with my treatment to my niece and nephew. The latter (12) most recently rolled his eyes, interrupted me with "Aunty Katy, there's nothing we don't know about chemotherapy, you don't have to explain". It was both funny and sad.

JEC

Thanks for your support ladies. My second excisional biopsy has just come back with more DCIS. Surgeon is suggesting breast reduction on both sides - anyone else heard of this?