This might seem silly.
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Oh yeah onemargie - roundup - that is a good one.1
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Exactly, if you dont laugh you cry and I would much rather laugh -
wendy551 -
I didn't have vomiting or nausea during chemo, but was hospitalised twice for neutropenia and a PE and pneunomia. Even then I didn't feel "sick", just in pain - which still exists from my axillary clearance scar. I still have 2 rads to go and herceptin till September. I equate being sick with something like the flu. Even with severe diarrhoea during neutropenia I still saw it as a side effect. I don't know what I will say if anyone asks as I think of it as having an operation and then preventative treatment. I might just say I had an op and treatment. I'm not in denial ... I don't think! It just feels as though I had stuff 'done to me' that wasn't particularly pleasant, with a few stuff ups thrown in for good measure. My lumpectomy was last June and I think I said elsewhere that I recall women saying that during birth, it was awful, but later on they started to forget the pain. I feel like I am already forgetting what I know was a horrible interlude. I don't call it my 'journey', no offense to those who do. I just imagine a journey as something nice! During the whole thing, I would say that I suffered most miserably and psychologically with immediate family members. That was the most sickening part of the experience. I found out very late in the piece that if you are having problems in this area, you need to get help asap from a counsellor or social worker, and your good friends. You may have to take time out from negative family dynamic however you can. I live with extended family so had to keep myself fairly isolated from them, not engage in any conflict, put myself first and even give up or give in to things that were not worth fighting for because of the emotional backlash. I think in retrospect your self care psychologically is paramount...people probably cause more pain than the disease. Thank God we have sites like this and other kind people out there and good friends.xxx3
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Hey there Janny, I just called it chemo, and called my at home solitary confinement. When I lost my hair, I called it low maintenance. Have to keep your sense of humour.
And remember, there are no silly questions here, just support, advice and fellowship.
Cuddles, Trace3 -
Thank you lovely ladies.
I have realised why I am thinking about it. I now know that I can talk about it now. And when I was having the treatment I couldn't. Sunday I went to lunch with a bunch of girls that I used to work with and one of them said OMG you are back. You are making daft jokes about last year.....
And like you @viking1 I refuse to call it a Journey. A journey I choose to take but I didn't choose this.
I do remember Sunday not saying last year when I was SICK. It was when I was having treatment.
Thanks Ladies.
Jan xxx
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Just remember that people love you for the person you are. Put that lippy on and stride out there with pride. It's worth the effort to have the treatment.
Cuddles, Trace ❤️2 -
@Janny54 It is interesting that you said you realised why the question came up...you're thinking about it now. I am finding that some people have an immediate reaction to different parts of the process and for others it's in stages or delayed. I'm thankful that organisations like this and the Cancer Council give you access to their programs for life, if I'm correct. Because I do feel the body and the mind undergo a trauma and you may be so caught up on the treadmill of chemo, rad, etc that you may only realise what you've been through sometime down the track. I've got 2 more rads to go but am only attending my first group therapy in a few weeks. I don't know if I will like it but will have a go anyway. I feel it's the first time I will have spoken about things publicly rather than online. During my treatment I couldn't have tried group therapy ... if anyone was kind I would feel teary. I was also too tired to do anything social. That's why online is so valuable when you feel lousy at 3am! Onward through the fog! xxx @Tracey_B yes a sense of humour really helps!3
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Can't stand 'journey'. Haven't said it once. Irritates me when they say it on Masterchef!3
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No journeys here, either.2
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Lol it's funny how we all react differently to different phrases. I wonder if it is our age groups or experiences or who knows what? I think for me it seems a 'New Age' sort of term (but that's just me) and I hear it a lot from my sister who has all sorts of journeys involving things metaphysical...gongs, bowls, chanting etc. But if she's happy and it doesn't involve human sacrifices, each to their own! I'd like a journey through Europe, personally. I'm glad it's not called 'your ordeal' though! "How's your ordeal going?" doesn't sound great. I'm quite interested in the words we use to try and describe how we deal with cancer. It seems to have it's own vocab that's been built around a word that people don't want to hear out loud ... 'the Big C' is slowly being rephrased. A friend responded to my diagnosis with "well it's not a death sentence anymore" and I really hadn't thought of death yet so I was unhappy with that response. I guess it's hard for people to know what to say but I would rather "I'm sorry to hear that" or "oh sh5t! what can I do?" 'Survivor" is another tricky one for me personally but only because of family connections to Hitler's death camps. But something like surviving that is so far away from our own daily individual battles that it's apples and oranges. I think we are all surviving on a daily basis sometimes. And to throw in some C&W, "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone." Last rad tomorrow!5
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Words, wonderful words. For me it's certainly not a "journey" @viking1. I've disliked that euphemism ever since diagnosis (hadn't thought about it before). For me, a journey has positive overtones and I'm not finding an awful lot positive about this at the moment - although that may come. It certainly has been a life experience. But I call it what it is - cancer. Is it a death sentence? That I don't know, yet. It has been for some around me. But then, life is a death sentence. What I find difficult about cancer is being taken out of time and place. Who am I and what meaning do I have in my life? - at least the "my life" that I want to recognise. And how will I shape that life back to something real for me once this is done, assuming that it is ever done? I really resent the time it is taking from my life and my family's lives and the impact it will have in the short and the long-term. I resent the fact that the person who has never been happy without a book in hand has only been able to read one book in 4 weeks. Will I still be able to be the weird mum who jumps on the skateboard or climbs the ropes over Taronga (almost ended in disaster, that one)? And when do I stop feeling like an invalid?...participating in the world from the sidelines. I can only hope that it has some positives in the end as any true life experience should. Very philisophical 5am - makes a change from, "I can't sleep".3
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Well said @sister. I too prefer to call it what it is. From this end of the spectrum, 5 years and a bit from diagnosis, yes there have been learnings. I have no idea, never will, of what I would be if cancer hadn't interrupted things, but I am certainly not unhappy with how I am. That feeling depends on a lot of things and recovering (or in my case never actually losing) a non- invalid status is pretty critical. I found counselling valuable for a short time to help me over a bit of a "where am I, what am I" hump. Time and relevance help - I might have been horrified about long term side effects if I had known day four or five after diagnosis, but I grew into those a bit more gradually and my perspective shifted too. I found it valuable to explore new feelings and insights, but it's a very personal choice. Attitude won't stop you being nauseous, fatigued, or even having a recurrence unfortunately but it may help shape how you deal with these things. Best wishes3
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@sister Well said. I'm also deeply resentful of the interruption, the change it is making in me, and the effect on my family. And I most definitely feel sidelined. It's very lonely and isolating. I hope I can fold something positive from this experience into my future life. From here I can't imagine what that would be. I suppose only time will tell.
Last rads hooray @viking1! Anything special planned to mark the occasion?1
