This might seem silly.
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@viking1 @Sister thank you for the words you wrote. As a newly diagnosed (3 weeks) ago, I am fumbling a bit with what to say to people. I love writing and I think I will use that to help me express how I am feeling as time goes on. Usually, I use humour to express myself although today I can't think of anything funny to say. Just one of those days I guess. I really enjoyed the way you expressed yourselves. We just cancelled our Journey to Europe that we had started to count down the "sleeps" to. So to use the word "journey" in relation to my BC seems vaguely obscene to me. I start chemo in 2 weeks, treatment 1 is on March 23. I will not be counting down the "sleeps" to that day. I am not drowning in self pity I just feel a little bit lost today.1
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@annsan That lost feeling will come and go if my experience is anything to go by. But as you move through treatment you get a bit more of sense of direction. Having a plan is good.
I was diagnosed at the beginning of December. The people in my house were told straight away. The rest of my family and two besties two weeks later. I didn't tell anyone else until after Christmas. You are the most important person at this time. For once it's all about YOU! Do what makes you feel comfortable. Hang in there. K1 -
@annsan It's a terrible white noise type of shock, isn't it? I wasn't planning anything as marvellous as a European holiday but was happily planning where we were going over Summer. I missed Summer. One of the best things I did to communicate was, apart from close family, nominate a couple of close "key" friends who told everyone else what was going on. That way, if I had managed to stop thinking about it for 5 mins, I didn't get a well-meaning phone call. The other best thing I did was to start an update blog. That way, I can put all the info, my thoughts and feelings, out there and family, friends, colleagues can read it and comment when they want to - and I can read their comments when I want to. It's worked brilliantly and I can rant if I feel like it.
Good luck with chemo - I have my third on 21st March - my only advice is, if you feel sick, ring them up and tell them - even if it is Sunday night! I suffered needlessly in silence for the whole weekend. Of course, you're probably going to be fine!2 -
My philosophical moment this morning has now turned into my latest blog update. Too much stuff swirling around, methinks.0
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Hey @Sister I appreciate your suggestions. I have asked family members to pass on the news as I couldn't possibly tell all my cousins. A couple have rang me which was good, except I just felt like I was repeating myself and it was exactly what you said about "well meaning phone calls". I am truly sorry you missed summer. I appreciate your advice about chemo and I am glad you passed it on. I am a bit inclined (like most women) to think "oh it's not worth making a fuss over". To think you suffered over an entire weekend is just awful and shouldn't happen to anyone. I will be thinking of you on the 21st.1
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Hi all,
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I remember at diagnosis one of the doctors saying to me that my life would pretty much be on hold for the next 12 months. That was a really depressing statement on his behalf and had me picturing myself laid up in bed the whole time! So I made an effort to photograph and video anything good and fun that I did along the way. Our family had a lot of milestone birthdays, formals, graduations and other things all planned well ahead of my diagnosis.
Two days before finishing radiation I was feeling somewhat blah so I put everything together and made a little video of all the good things that happened along the way. I found it very healing and gave me a good sense of achievement in getting through the shit fight.
I have a little facebook group called "Breast cancer...winning the booby prize" if anyone would like to join and have a look at the video.
We have to look for the sunshine through the rain.
Love to all.
xoxox2 -
Lol I had an iced finger bun to mark the occasion! Yeeha! I felt like I should do something but was actually so anxious and teary on the day and on the table that just getting home was my goal. I was a real wuss and just totally emotional. The rad nurse talked to me after and that helped. Again it was big questions ... what now? I'm supposed to be happy I've got through the hard part...just got herceptin etc till Sept. Meanwhile I'm teary and depressed. Time for some counselling. @Sister ... everything you said resonates with me. I feel exactly the same and although I wish you didn't...I'm glad I'm not alone with crazy thoughts. A woman I met who'd had a double mastectomy was telling me that she often has trouble relating to the 'positive' aspects of breast cancer that she reads about and feels guilty she doesn't want to sky dive or bungee jump lol! I said it's probably a case of not wanting to pick up a magazine or flyer about all the awful things people have gone through, hence the positives are highlighted. But I think there is room in the room to talk about what some people are actually feeling, not all, but some of us struggle with smiling and joking our way through things whilst still feeling a disconnect. I was wondering if in my case it's a history of depression and anxiety which cancer hasn't exactly helped. But my friends say I'm always joking around and have a positive attitude. I thank them but in my blog I do say that it's not an accurate representation of how I am 24/7 and that it does get messy at times. @kmakm What you said reminds me of the title of the movie Girl Interrupted. Although that was to do with mental health, I do think the title sums some of us up - Women Interrupted. I do hope something good come out of it all - new skills, new visions, who knows. Unfortunately I don't believe that everything happens for a reason (Like Forrest Gump I just believe that Sh&t Happens!) but if you can find a reason, do. Quite seriously, grab hold of whatever gets you through the night. PS. A lady in a shop told me she took part in the Great Wall of China walk for cancer after her sister died. I was saying how inspiring ... she said 'not so much - my friend and I fell off the edge and 80 metres downwards'. It took 8 hours to rescue them and she hurt her leg badly but trees stopped the fall. I said I thought it was just a walk weaving up and down but she said you have to climb up to the wall from humid jungle and in some stages on the wall itself you are walking at a 45 degree angle. She said it was the hardest thing she'd ever done physically but in retrospect the fall was quite funny! I might just learn to quilt for cancer...;)
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Ladies going through treatment is Crap at the best of times...... and NO you dont have to stay positive or joke 24/7 I was a basketcase after I finished treatment it took me time to process and get through the emotional onslaught of a diagnosis etc.
Today I am going to relay for life for the first time ... (I am over 5yrs since diagnosis) I am anxious about how I will cope with the survivor walk etc.... but I am also grabbing onto life again and refusing to be a victim of BC I fought the Bitch and I Won she is in the gutter where she belongs....
BE gentle with yourselves and allow your emotional and mental health to recover from the onslaught that a diagnosis brings.
Hugs
Soldier Crab
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@Sister - sure, go ahead! It's very apt. I'd quite like to read "Girl...Interrupted" but imagine it's pretty intense after seeing the movie. Even though it's set in the past it's still really relevant. @SoldierCrab...good on you for doing the relay! How did you go and was it a good day out? Where is the walk going to be? I hope I didn't put you off with my Great Wall story. The lady who told the tale had such a good sense of humour and said she didn't intend to nearly knock herself off whilst paying tribute to her sister! She had a very touching story and said she and her other sister quit their jobs to look after the sister with terminal cancer so that she could remain at home. I'm sure there are lots of amazing stories out there.1
