Having one of those days or 2.........

MelissaD

Hi @Molly001, I do think I need to start doing some gentle exercise. I was going from doing lots of it, to nothing at the moment. I'm glad to hear from all that all of these feelings are normal and that we are not alone in this. Yes I had seen one twice before I started chemo at Peter Mac, I was booked in literally a few days after chemo thinking I'd be ok,  but I cancelled it as my first round hit me abit & havent re-booked. But I would rather see someone closer to me where it's easier to get in and out. Thanks @Molly001 xo

[Deleted User]

@MelissaD I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling so low. I have been sharing this self-compassion meditation a bit because I love it.

 I also love the suggestions the other ladies have made about how to relax. I found walking, even just down the street, to be helpful. I try to walk every day. The Cancer Council have a mindfulness meditation on You Tube that I have found useful.

Also, think of one thing that you love and do it, whether it's catching up with a friend, online shopping (watch the visa!), drawing, or keeping a journal. Doing what you love will make you feel better and help you to see yourself outside of the medical world. I know chemo knocks you around a bit, so be kind to yourself. Whatever you are feeling is normal and you won't feel like this forever.

There are also some excellent online self guided cancer resources for people going through cancer treatment which I can give you the names of. They guide you through treatment and provide online support. I did some of them as a research participant. Being so young it's really difficult coping with breast cancer financially, socially and physically. You have the right to feel the way you do, but you are not alone. x

MelissaD

@LucyE - Hi Lucy, thank you so much. I have screen captured those pictures. I am thankful that it is not forever and all these feelings are normal. I like to get that validation and it's comforting. That would be great I wouldn't mind checking them out. Thank you so much

MelissaD

Hi @Lillian67, thank you very much - that sounds interesting what's an exercise physiologist? I'll have to look that up, it sounds interesting! I'll have to make a note of those also. I'm glad there is light at the end of the tunnel, it is reassuring and glad that I can speak to you all on here. Xx

primek

Hi @MelissaD as everyone else has said what you are feeling is all quite normal. I had plans on travel with my husband when I found my cancer. He desperately wanted me to make future plans on where to go what to do once treatment over. I honestly couldn't do that. I couldn't see past each week by the end. I was mentally and physically exhausted. But a few weeks after chemo finished I started to look at life beyond cancer. Life as a survivor. However long that is. I think it's okay to acknowledge those emotions, those fears and just downright feeling miserable. Things I did...I went out when I was well. Meeting friends for coffee or lunch. I'd go to the heated pool and just walk and talk with someone. It might have taken me ages to get myself together enough to do it but I did. The colouring books are great if you like that. I got into netflex series as daytime TV sent me homicidal. A journal is great too.

It does get better. I now think of my treatment as "life interupted" a good way to put treatment in perspective. ..but it has taken me quite a while to get there.

Take care. Kath x

melclarity

@MelissaD I also see an Exercise Physiologist, though I didnt start until I was about 10 months post chemo. They are like PT but a specialist in rehabilitation to do with all sorts of injuries and illnesses. Mine was organised through my income protection so it cost me nothing, however you can see your GP and get a certain amount free I think. She did say however, that she doesnt generally work with anyone in the middle of chemo as she prefers post on the road to recovery. Gentle exercise is ok, but its a time your body is healing from treatment she said, unless you were an athlete before that's different. It's made a massive difference to me physically, alot of stretches are like Pilates. I suffer alot of cramping throughout my body and back particularly due to radiation in 2011 and chemo 2015, as chemo shrinks the sheath over the muscles and can cause this. I've found huge relief doing these daily. It's given me confidence, I broke for 6 weeks whilst I had a mastectomy/diep flap recon and then resumed I didnt miss a beat after that, gone from strength to strength, good for the body and mind. xx M

iserbrown

@MelissaD Hi!  There is a DVD called "Strengthen Your Recovery" - I received my DVD in a little pink back pack with the Berlei bra and other bits and pieces.

https://www.bcna.org.au/news/2011/12/strengthen-your-recovery-a-pilates-dvd/

May I suggest you ring BCNA and ask about it if you haven't seen it.  It will help you at home initially to get some confidence and movement back in the limbs.

Sorry to hear you are one of us and so young compared to me.  Being anxious is an emotion we all go through at some stage.  Deep breaths and hopefully some of the Pilates movements may help you in controlling breathing back into normal range.  Yes we all have an heightened awareness of everything as hey this is scary. You learn terminology that you had no need for previously.

Need to find time for a good belly laugh!





Also have a look at the discussion group Creative Corner
http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14979/creative-corner/p1

There are some great things that others do to occupy their time and mind.  @InkPetal - fantastic drawings and for the Chris O'Brien Lifehouse - you'll find details in the Creative Corner discussion group

Hope I have given you some research that will help get your mind and hopefully body in a better place ready to get through treatment and find some sort of new normal.  Remember normal is always evolving!
 
Take care and hopefully you'll keep us posted to let us know how you are going.  My favourite saying is "we are all in this together" - we will help you through!  Hugs xx

Lillian67

@MelissaD an Exercise Physiologist is a university trained specialist in exercise and illness. I found mine via my breast care nurse but there is also this link you can find one I n your area
https://www.essa.org.au/

I had a referral from my GP so got first 5 sessions free then Tayla (the exercise physiologist) it me on a program for $120 for 8 weeks. I go 3 times a week for 40 min sessions. I started cycle 2 of chemo and would actually go to a session at 9 and then into chemo at 11. It was great. Tayla always worked with me and how I was feeling. Mostly we did a lot of strength building. Physically it made me feel stronger and mentally it helped me feel like I had some control. I have never been one to exercise and only started this when I started chemo. 
My BC nurse put me into the Catalyst episode about cancer and exercise.
http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/4459555.htm

Tayla now sees quite a few cancer patients currently going through treatment. I really do credit her for getting me through chemo so well. I was on TAC for 6 cycles. A fairly aggressive treatment but all in all I got through it well.

highly recommend it

[Deleted User]

Hi @MelissaD, I hope you are feeling better. I thought I'd let you know about the online support available.

The site that might be most useful for you is 'Finding my way' through Flinders Uni here in SA. It is free and really reliable info. It is designed for people with early breast cancer and has 6 modules from early treatment to survivorship. It's very easy to use. It's now open to the public anywhere in Aus.

The second online course is icanAdapt research program for people with early breast cancer, but that has now closed. They run a lot of research into anxiety and depression, and it's broader than cancer. I loved participating in this and the course is now open to the public, but I'm not sure of the details. There are other research trials and a website called This way up I think. Not sure if it's free or if there's  a cost. Haven't used this.  

After you finish treatment the 'Wellbeing after cancer' through the Cancer Council was amazing. BCNA also offer and excellent program. There's also the Encore program for your physical recovery etc. 

I wish you all the best with your treatment. You have your whole life ahead of you and this is just a road bump in your future. When I went through chemo I kept a copy of the Lonely Planet guide to Italy on my coffee table. I went there and spent my second anniversary sipping wine in Milan with my sister. It was one of the best trips of my life. Make a goal for yourself, as small or as big as you like and plan it and do it!

I am not going to be on this site as I have to move on with my life and that means more exercise, less cancer focus for me. It's all part of the survivorship battle, where to focus your energy. I have loved the support from everyone on here. x 

viking1

@MelissaD I am so sorry you are going through this at such a young age - not that there is a good age for it! I am 52 and about to start chemo then radiation after a lumpectomy and right axillary clearance. I've been treated for anxiety and depression since 26, which I've just lived with, studied and worked. But now the anxiety actually has a reason - the cancer. In the past I didn't know why I was anxious. I also have been having the same thoughts as you re what happens at the end of treatment? Will it come back? Will I always be looking over my shoulder? I had to stop googling as the breast cancer info was overwhelming. Sometimes it can also be overwhelming online when you read posts where people have had a very bad time. Fear that the same could happen to you. So I make sure I am not online all the time. Having said that, the support here is amazing and the people are kind. Do you have access to free counselling at your hospital? Mine has free oncology counselling. I would give it a go, and if you don't like the first counsellor you see, try another, till you gel with someone. I have a good psych and she has recommended art therapy. I might even try the oncology counsellor to get a different viewpoint as my personal psych can help but it's not her area (cancer).  I was given some advice ... think in 15min blocks! If you are up to moving about, maybe see if you can do 15mins of tidying your room. Then stop. When you have some more energy, try 15mins of a walk in the park or down the road. Stop, and rest. When you're doing your task just think about that. See if you can have something on the horizon that is a pleasurable treat e.g. a couple of nights in the country or a sleepover at a friends. A girl's night maybe. But other than that, one day at a time. I'm looking forward to the cancer cure in your lifetime!  Take care, I know it is a struggle but we need to compartmentalise, maybe? E.g. I wrote a list of my worries in 15mins then put it away and distracted myself with a movie. Still, we can only do our best and be kind to ourselves when things become overwhelming. I'm glad you have your parents for support, that's great. My 77 year old dad is supporting me and I feel so grateful as really I should be looking after him. Take care and keep talking xx