On the Roller Coaster

xpataus

Hi. So there I was chilling out sipping cocktails in a sarong on the island of Maui, Hawaii (a little holiday before starting a great gig on the US mainland) when I felt a lump. It was just 2 years since my mammogram, and here was a really big lump. It had to be a cyst I thought. It hurt, and cancer wasn't supposed to hurt and it grew like wildfire. I was convinced it was just a perimenopausal cyst. A local doctor dismissed that notion, scaring the bejesus out of me when she said she wouldn't give me false hope, and then the mammogram machine broke down on the island the day before I was to have the test. My cousin flew in and dragged me home(thus saving my life). I was in total denial, but with a strong family history of breast cancer, she knew better. My Mum had breast cancer in 2007, and my sister also had both breasts removed (pre-cancerous tumours were found and she had implants put in during surgery, thus retaining breast skin, shape and nipples) the day of my diagnosis. 
48 hrs after arriving in Adelaide, SA, I was diagnosed with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. 3 weeks later (while experiencing a lot of fear, anxiety and shock) I underwent a left mastectomy and lymph node removal (the surgeon chose to leave the right breast as a 'skin farm for reconstruction', for which I'll no doubt be thankful for, later). Staging X-rays, blood tests & CT scans (bones, lungs, liver, head, chest abdomen and pelvis) clarified that it hasn't spread beyond the breast/nodes, but the tumour's aggressiveness was noted.
I relocated to Port Macquarie last weekend to be with family during the coming year on the breast cancer roundabout, and frankly, I'm relieved to be home. 
Today I'm at 5 weeks post-surgery, and I'm sure as you all know the pain, and emotional roller coaster ride is quite extraordinary, but I've come out the other side of that. Still having seroma drained, but the amount is lessening. 
Next comes 18-weeks of chemo and 5-6 of radiotherapy. Then the right mastectomy and breast reconstruction. 
Thus far, I've had to let go of some big career plans for the foreseeable future and lost a few friends as well as my lover, who found it all too 'difficult' to face. Strangely, the relationship breakdowns hurt more than the diagnosis and surgery. 
But I'm somewhat philosophical, and consider the universe was clearing out the 'debris' in my life. Only the strong, the loyal and the empathetic remain. I've also met some incredible women - survivors of breast cancer who have been amazing, and that's why I've joined this group. Sharing our experiences really does help. And I look forward to chatting with members here. My first query will be about facing and handling the chemo, so once I have an idea of the drug 'Molotov cocktail' I'm to be given, I'll be asking questions! Until then, I'm learning from all your wonderful past posts. Gracias amigas!

melclarity

Hey!

Im so sorry to hear of your Journey!! Certainly has been a roller coaster! Inspite of all this you seem to be on top of all of it and doing the best you can! I like your no fuss to the point approach and I believe it will carry you through this. I too lost alot of friends along the way through this journey, but amazing how it opened up the door for people you would never expect to be there actually are! Im sorry to hear of your partner, that is awful!!! I was only 6 months into a new relationship and I didnt expect he'd stay, but he did and we've been together 2years now. I never wanted anyone to stay if it wasnt for the right reasons, loving me. So I say to you, inspite of all this, it will open the door to some great people to enter your life and support in ways you never thought they could. 

I had 4 FEC 3 weeks apart then 12 Taxol weekly, I also was IDC Stage 3 aggressive but didnt lose my breast...I just had BRCA Gene results and are negative no family history apart from my Mum, so I had a recurrence and it has to go, but wont be getting rid of the other, based on those results.
Hugs Melinda xo keep us posted.

socoda

Hi xpataus, Welcome!!! I too had decided that my lump was a cyst but like yourself my cunning plan didn't work out that way!! I cannot begin to imagine the additional stress of having the mammography machine breakdown when your due to have the test done the next day. I totally love the idea of the universe getting rid of your debris, my nan used to say that if your on a bad stretch there is nothing but good around the next corner, so look out for all the new friends and very possibly the love of your life!!! Woohoo!!! I also had a left mastectomy (skin,nipple saving)  but had immediate reconstruction with implant and will have the other side enhanced to match next year with some fat grafting from stomach to breasts and look forward to having two perkies and a flat stomach So glad for you that you are surrounded by loving family and wishing you all the best with your chemo and further treatment. Xx Cath

xpataus

Cath(socoda) & Melinda (melclarity), Thank you both so much for the welcome and sharing your stories too. Yes. it's one hell of a journey we are all on, but it really is bringing great people into my life so I will hold onto that thought. Seeing Oncologist next Thursday now and will start chemo soon thereafter. Enjoying this little reprieve before the onslaught. Hugs and best wishes with your treatments too! Karen xox

Ne

Welcome to the forum Xpataus and I am sorry you have to find yourself here but you are in the BEST forum and safest place for information ever. 

Your story sounds very similar to mine (the palpable lump found, the nodes involved, the mastectomy then the left auxiliary clearance, the one remaining breast later to be removed, then chemo then rads, then prophylactic surgery due to Breast Cancer Gene Mutation BRCA2, Hysterectomy etc.) I have pretty much lived through your journey last year and have just come out the other end 18 months later.  I had 6 surgeries in total.  My Initial surgery removed the sick breast, my 2nd the lymph node clearance, 3rd placed a portacath for chemo, 4th was a full hysterectomy to prevent ovarian cancer, 5th was mastectomy of the healthy breast to lower my risk of new breast cancer/recurrence, 6th was my final recon surgery to replace tissue expanders with silicone.

With regards to your chemo treatment and questions you might have, it was really helpful for me to search in this forum my chemo drug names and even just reading posts with the tag 'Chemo" which you can find in the discussions section (to the right).  You might find a lot of your questions answered there by ladies who have gone through treatment. 

 I just want to say we are all here for you and wish you all the best with the challenges ahead.  You seem to have a very good outlook in life and your positivity will help you a lot. I love how you said consider the universe was clearing out the 'debris' in my life.  That is a very good analogy!  Remember this is a Marathon, not a sprint.  Focus on today and what needs doing today only, do not worry about the next week, month or anything you are not dealing with right now, because you need to retain your emotional wellbeing and focus for the present.  The rest can go on a virtual shelve until it needs doing.  You can do this!  We are all cheering you on x

xpataus

Ne,
Thank you so much for your message of support. It means a lot.
I really appreciate you reaching out, and find it very useful to know someone who's been down the very same path I'm treading. I am so happy for you, in that you've made it through this epic journey. I wish you some time to heal now and regain life focus.
Thanks also for the tips about searching the site. I'll definitely do that when I have my specific chemo recipe.
Your words, 'this is a Marathon, not a sprint' really hit home. I'm such an A-type, and learning to let go, and understanding I don't have total control will be my life lesson from this journey.
You clarified the approach so clearly for me :-) Gracias! xo