Pre-cancerous changes

Deanne

On Thursday I had an appointment with a gynaecologist which should have been nothing to worry about. As she commenced her examination though she immediately began questioning me about an area she could see that had some skin changes. While she was quick to reassure me that it was not cancer she did say that it could be pre-cancerous changes. The end result is that I am booked in for a biopsy of the area in a couple of weeks.

I went home telling myself that this was just precautionary and that it was probably nothing bad. Also reasoning that if it is pre-cancerous then it would be easily taken care of at this early stage. I kept myself busy and tried to put it out of my head. I know that it is completely unrelated to my breast cancer so no need to panic in this regard.

I thought I was doing really well with not getting too far ahead of myself until I came home this morning after a lovely walk and yummy breakfast out, to find an invasion of ants in the kitchen. Just felt completely overwhelmed and tears flowed.

Pretty sure that this overreaction is because I have this biopsy thing to get through. Also I have not spoken to anyone except my husband about the biopsy procedure as I do not want everyone getting alarmed at the mention of "cancer" again. No need for everyone to get worried about something that is probably nothing to worry about. 

But not talking about it and using logic is ignoring the fact that of course I am worried about it. Just need to talk about it with others who will understand my reactions. Would dearly love to return to the time pre bc when a doctors visit was nothing complicated! 

iserbrown

Deanne my heart goes out to you. It's where you have been previously that has your mind racing. Worry isn't going to fix it. Try and keep busy with something that is pleasurable. As to the ants I too lose it when they appear in the kitchen. They drive me nutty as I don’t leave crumbs or anything for them. Take care and hopefully this is cautionary only. Sending you a virtual hug from Christine xx 

WavingNotDrowning

Thinking of you Deanne.  I hope you found it helpful to "talk" to people who understand.  It's often the little things that set me off and I think that's because we use such a huge amount of energy to deal with the big stuff.  All the best with your tests. Cheers, Helen 

primek

Hope this comes around quickly for you. When I was keeping my bc secret for a bit (my SIL was dying at the time of cancer )...a counselor asked me.. .. If it was your husband/sister/wife...would you want to know? I understand why you are waiting but if you think about that question you may then give yourself permission to share with a close few. Take care. Kath x

ScorpionQueen

Oh those bloody doctors visits! It's even worse when they call....we hold our breath and our hearts beat a million miles an hour!........the littlest change sends us straight back to the beginning.......

it's great that you are distracting yourself while you are waiting....We all deal with this in our own way.......

Sending healing light and vibes for great results....

Deanne

Thanks for the hug @iserbrown. Yes the ants were not after anything in particular (no crumbs etc) and I could not find where they were coming from! They just kept appearing as I was squishing them with a tissue (not wanting to use spray etc on the benches). I was surprised at how little capacity I had to deal with them though. Just one thing (or 100 ants) too much it seemed.

 I think you are right @WavingNotDrowning we do use up a lot of energy dealing with the "big stuff". But it did release a bit of tension! Poor hubby did not know what to think or do! 

Yes @ScorpionQueen these things do send our minds straight back to the beginning ...

Thanks for the advice @primek about maybe sharing it with someone close. I almost confided in my sister yesterday but then one of my daughters walked in and I decided to keep it quiet. I keep telling myself it is only a couple of weeks till the biopsy but I guess then there will be a wait for the pathology too.

Hopefully it will be all sorted before our little holiday we have booked for mid November. I was really looking forward to what will be the first real holiday that my husband and I have been on without kids since our honeymoon 27 years ago! (Unless you count the trek we did for the Cancer Council earlier this year, but that was not exactly a "holiday"). 

Just another little hurdle to get over and soon it will be dealt with and I'll be moving forward again! I just wish that doctors could do these little procedures right there and then so the waiting part was not an issue! Well maybe the house will benefit from a burst of distracting spring cleaning! Ants beware! 

Michelle_R

socoda

Deanne, Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes for negative results. Xx Cath

Jane221

Hi Deanne, it can feel like a never-ending cycle, just when you think all is going well, there always seems to be a little surprise that knocks you completely off-guard. Some years before I had bc, I had pre-cancerous changes on my cervix and although it was a huge worry, it was dealt with by lasering off the abnormal cells in my gyno's office and all (fingers crossed) has been good in that area ever since. Hopefully the biopsy will give you some good news but it is difficult, as you well know, waiting in the meantime. Hugs, Jane xx

Deanne

Thanks for the hug, Michelle and the positive vibes, Cath. xx

From what I understand @Jane221, if it is pre-cancerous changes then lasering will be the treatment for me too. Then they just monitor it every 6 to 12 months in case it recurs. But you are right it just does seem like a never-ending cycle! I feel like I'm running around dealing with side effects from treatment and just about get that sorted when boom something else comes along from left-field and side swipes me! Reassuring that you have not had any further problems in this area.  Thanks for the hugs. xxx

Melhay

Hi Deanne,

Totally understand the anxiety & worry.

Just after my husband & I decided to start a family (16yrs ago!) & following a routine PAP smear by my GP, I was diagnosed with abnormal cells & was referred to a male Gynecologist. 

He was absolutely horrible - was really rough doing the core biopsy & didn't make it clear I was to call for results.
So after 6 weeks of not hearing back I assumed all was good. But then he phoned & demanded to know why I hadn't followed up & angrily announced I needed to come in immediately to fill in forms for a hospital admission to be treated for CIN 3 (high grade pre-cancerous cells in the cervix). The next day I went to my GP & asked for a referral to have someone else do the procedure! 

Glad to hear you're seeing a female gynecologist whose is treating you with care, dignity & respect.

Thinking of you & all the best with your treatment & follow ups  

Mel xx

melclarity

Deanne,

I had irregular cells detected 17years ago when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. At 6 weeks post delivery I had to have a colposcopy, which is where they take a small piece/biopsy to determine it. It came back early stages so I was monitored for a long time, I ended up having to have a cone biopsy done of my Cervix and to see if it had gone into the birth canal. Thankfully it hadn't and eventhough I am monitored yearly still, I have been clear since doing that 16yrs now. I understand your worry absolutely, I am surprised though through examination you would detect any skin changes at all, that cannot be established without a swab or biopsy?? Hard to not get ahead of things, but step at a time,, do what you have to do, knowledge is power and you'll settle when you know what is what!! Big hugs, you'll be ok! Melinda xo

Deanne

Totally agree that you need to feel that your doctor is treating you with the utmost care and respect @Melhay. What an awful doctor you had the misfortune to be referred to. Hopefully your GP took note for other patients.

I had to see a male gynaecologist last year when I had my ovaries removed as the wait to get into a female gy was 3 months despite my bc diagnosis, sudden heavy bleeding and being on Tamoxifen. I was very nervous of this but fortunately he turned out to be the loveliest man who treated me very respectfully and with the care and reassurance I needed at that time.

When this latest doctor asked me who did my ovary surgery I could not remember his name. As soon as I mentioned that he was just such a nice man she knew straight away who I meant. He must have a great reputation with everyone. I would have been just as happy to see him again but this lady is very good too and not too much of a wait thank goodness.

Take care (hope things are going ok for you) and thank-you for your understanding. xxx

Deanne

That's right @melclarity they cannot confirm pre-cancerous cells are the cause of the changes that the doctor could see without a biopsy. That is what I am having in a couple of weeks. Then, if need be, I will have the area treated to prevent them turning cancerous down the track. I know I will be ok but naturally would be happier to not have to go through this. Thanks for the hugs. xxx

Tracey62

Do you remember the days before bc where you had this inner strength in reserve? Kind of felt like you could cope with anything life threw at you. Well, life did throw the worst at us. We faced our treatments, endured the side effects, and for the lucky ones amongst us, we get a time of peace and enjoyment and a renewed life. But somehow we no longer have that inner reserve that shouts back at the world YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT ME!!!

Deanne, YOU ARE STRONG!!! I've watched you overcome bc, seen you climb mountains and read every day the kindness and compassion that you show to the rest of us. Don't let fear rob you of the joy you have built into your new life. Man! I know that's a big ask, but you deserve so much more. You have faced off against the battle before and come through victorious. Yes you are worried now, but you are also stronger than you ever wanted to be. So IN YOUR FACE pre-cancerous cells, DEANNES GONNA WIN THIS ROUND.

Sending you hugs & prayers Deanne,
Tracey xXx

Deanne

Wow Tracey  !  I am glad that this time, even if it is something, that it is really, really early. Not even real cancer! I am going to be just fine and will get through this little procedure or two and then onwards and upwards again. You are right that when all this began I had that inner reserve that got me through and up those mountains. I think it is just the sheer length of time that you have to keep dealing with everything that stops us from building a new reserve.

 A friend of mine has just been through her second very major battle with cancer. She can barely eat due to side effects of radiation to her face. BUT she has set her sites on climbing Mt Kilimanjaro (again, she climbed it earlier this year just before her second diagnosis), next year. After her first run in with cancer she recovered and climbed Everest so I have every faith that she will achieve her goal and more. 

Thanks for for the hugs and prayers. xxx