It's okay to be really sad
Comments
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Thanks Jane, I didn't realise how much I was focused on the physical stuff and not dealing with emotional issues. I guess now that treatment has finished I have the space to sit back, breathe and respect my feelings. Maybe I can even work on letting go of the "I'm coping ok" face? Really appreciate your words of wisdom xx
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Hi Kate, glad to hear you've finished treatment ?? I've been wondering how I might respond differently when someone says "be positive" :
"actually I'm feeling really sad just now"
'I'm really struggling emotionally & would appreciate a hug'
"It's natural to be positive when life is going well, but I'm going through a tough time at the moment"
Maybe they don't want to hear that? I half suspect saying be positive is a way of distancing themself from our grief and the fear that one day they may be in our shoes. So I'm starting to limit who I trust with my story. Such a relief to find women here who understand, thank you xx
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Hi Melinda and Debza, it's hard when you've spent a lifetime being there for others and they think you are so strong, you don't need their support in times of trouble. Maybe there's something to be said for allowing ourself to be vulnerable in front of others? Thankful for a safe place to be honest about how I feel xx
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Tracey,
State of mind is paramount in your heailng! Ramble all you like! It does get tiresome, hearing the "keep positive" talk all the time...but like you said it's OK to be sad, to be angry, to withdraw a bit......Allow yourself to cry....REALLY cry, until you can't breathe cry...it took me a while to do that but once I did, what a weight off!
We are all to aware of how this experience effects everyone else and so, we push ur feelings to the bottom, for the sake of others feelings....for too long our feelings are left simmering....ready to explode at any time...and then when they do , most are shocked! I ended up telling everyone to stop! I wasn't going to pretend for the benefit of making them feel better about my cancer!
So you cry love, scream, yell, punch a pillow! You have been through hell and made it! I am so glad you have released your emotional pressure valve.....be kind to you....take care.....big cuddles
Xx
Tracy
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Thanks Janine. After a day of soul searching I'm starting to wonder whether it takes more courage to dig in to my feelings than to bury them. I'm so tired of carrying that grief around. You are right, the layers of love help immensely xx
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O Mel, that sucks to go through it all again, feeling your grief with you. Let us know how you go on Friday xx
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Thanks Hazel, it helps to have people who understand the difficult times xx
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Hi Christine, thanks for the hug. Like most women I have a habit of putting myself last and helping others first. Think I need to help myself & allow the emotions to catch up with my physical recovery. They warn you about fatigue but I wasn't prepared for the toll it would take. Jesus said come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest for your soul. I hope you find that rest xx
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Hi Debza, brave is to get up and do what needs doing even if you feel afraid or overwhelmed, especially when life leads you to unexpected places. That's all of us on this site.
when I was on chemo I took magnesium for leg cramps and found it also helps with constipation when you take it in higher doses lol, the old fashioned Epsom salts were magnesium powder. Feel for you with the 4 attempts at an IV Debz. If you don't have family support around, let us be family for you xx
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hi Ann-Marie, that 1 year anniversary can be hard, no wonder you were feeling down. Yes, it helps to be real about how we feel. I hope the doc sorts out your tummy problems xx
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Hi Sandra, I work for govt too and they've allowed me to return to work on a graduated program. I started doing 2 x 4hrs a week and built it up to full time over a few months. Thankfully working for govt my superannuation included income protection insurance that covered my time off and the gradual build up of work hours. They should be able to do this for you too. Even though I thought I was strong enough it's surprising how tiring a 4hr shift can be. Good luck with your work, let us know how you go xx
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Hi Tracy, must admit I had a little chuckle - you with your expanders filled to bursting talking about being ready to explode. Glad your reco job is going well.
I had a pretty shitty childhood where I promised myself I would never cry, no matter how bad things were. Now I'm having to unlearn old habits. How I wish I could let it all go and just ball my eyes out..... well baby steps in the right direction ??
Hugs, Tracey
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Tracey,
I agree wholeheartedly with all the replies....
When we get a diagnosis of Bc we lose a part of us.... be it a lumptecomy or mastectomy, double mastectomy then various treatments...
I heard at the orange bcna forum a similiar speech..
It put things in perspective for me... I've needed to see a psychologist to deal with my grief.
We grieve in different ways, our loss personal to each of us but similar in ways..... I'm nearly 4 yrs since diagnosis there are nights I still cry myself to sleep....frustration at side effects or my fatigue...
It's hard but we need to allow our emotions to heal from the onslaught this journey throws at each of us....
Big hugs and a shoulder to cry on when you want
Alice
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Hi Alice, a psychologist may be a good idea. I see my Onc next week so might ask for a referral, getting harder to find a reason to get out of bed. Never expected emotions to be such a struggle when faith is strong xx
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Here is your hug ?? Well I couldn't find a hug to send u but I'm sending you a virtual hug ..... I hope u are in better spirits today....some days it is hard when I feel myself going down I take myself out to the shops better than sitting home ....
All the very best Kate ??
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