Forum Discussion
It's okay to be really sad
Hi all,
i haven't been on here for months. To be honest it got to the point that I would cry over every post I read. Which was strange because I never cried over my own bc diagnosis or treatment. I've always sucked at dealing with emotions, shove them down, keep busy, get on with life. So in the last few months I've been focusing on getting back to work, pushing myself physically to cope with being on my feet for 12hr shifts, helping my patients and their families deal with their grief and stress.... but ignoring my own.
Today was the BCNA forum in Brisbane and the first guest speaker was a wonderful psychiatrist who spoke on emotional and mental well-being after a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm a Christian and fully trust God with the outcome of my bc, but I think today was the first time I heard someone say "it's okay to be really sad about what has happened to you". I'm SO SICK of being told 'just be positive', she said we should smack the people who say that to us, but only metaphorically, darn. Every time some one says that it invalidates the feelings of grief and loss and sadness and shock, that are perfectly healthy when confronted with bc.
So today I'm feeling rather fragile and sooky, and that's ok. It's probably time I allowed myself to start that emotional journey to recovery.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings,
love, Tracey ??
32 Replies
- Hi Tracey and everyone - yes, this was the post I needed to read today. thank you.
I'm not sure I feel sad, but I certainly feel like this past 8 months has been surreal. I sometimes wonder if I am really dealing, deep down, with what has happened. I reel from anyone saying "you're lucky" or "you'll be fine" or "you're so strong". I am what I am. It is what it is. I've had amazing support from a group a beautiful friends and my gorgeous boys (hubby, and sons) but I have been terribly disappointed in one friend whom I thought was one of my closest buddies, who just hasn't been there, at all. I have tried to raise the issue with her, but to no avail.
Ive now decided it's time to refocus back on me......they say you shed friends every decade, so perhaps that was my turning-50 shedding!
Nikki x hi Tracey,
I have a Christian faith also but that didn't stop my struggling with the whole thing.... I look at it now as my faith is strong but my mind needs help to process the Journey this takes us all on without us asking to go on it. My faith in God had me firmly assured that He was with me, but my mind was really struggling with the whole thing.
I have ongoing health problems thanks to the side effects and my psychologist is great at talking me through the next stage of my health journey in general now that my BC is gone.
I highly recommend seeing one.
big hugs
Alice
PS if you are a member : Christians with Breast Cancer I began a monthly bible study and it has become more active so women with a faith are sharing their ups and downs and getting to share a study once per month... there is no pressure to talk or post but it is there if you want.
Here is your hug ?? Well I couldn't find a hug to send u but I'm sending you a virtual hug ..... I hope u are in better spirits today....some days it is hard when I feel myself going down I take myself out to the shops better than sitting home ....
All the very best Kate ??
Hi Alice, a psychologist may be a good idea. I see my Onc next week so might ask for a referral, getting harder to find a reason to get out of bed. Never expected emotions to be such a struggle when faith is strong xx
Tracey,
I agree wholeheartedly with all the replies....
When we get a diagnosis of Bc we lose a part of us.... be it a lumptecomy or mastectomy, double mastectomy then various treatments...
I heard at the orange bcna forum a similiar speech..
It put things in perspective for me... I've needed to see a psychologist to deal with my grief.
We grieve in different ways, our loss personal to each of us but similar in ways..... I'm nearly 4 yrs since diagnosis there are nights I still cry myself to sleep....frustration at side effects or my fatigue...
It's hard but we need to allow our emotions to heal from the onslaught this journey throws at each of us....
Big hugs and a shoulder to cry on when you want
Alice
Hi Tracy, must admit I had a little chuckle - you with your expanders filled to bursting talking about being ready to explode. Glad your reco job is going well.
I had a pretty shitty childhood where I promised myself I would never cry, no matter how bad things were. Now I'm having to unlearn old habits. How I wish I could let it all go and just ball my eyes out..... well baby steps in the right direction ??
Hugs, Tracey
Hi Sandra, I work for govt too and they've allowed me to return to work on a graduated program. I started doing 2 x 4hrs a week and built it up to full time over a few months. Thankfully working for govt my superannuation included income protection insurance that covered my time off and the gradual build up of work hours. They should be able to do this for you too. Even though I thought I was strong enough it's surprising how tiring a 4hr shift can be. Good luck with your work, let us know how you go xx
hi Ann-Marie, that 1 year anniversary can be hard, no wonder you were feeling down. Yes, it helps to be real about how we feel. I hope the doc sorts out your tummy problems xx
Hi Debza, brave is to get up and do what needs doing even if you feel afraid or overwhelmed, especially when life leads you to unexpected places. That's all of us on this site.
when I was on chemo I took magnesium for leg cramps and found it also helps with constipation when you take it in higher doses lol, the old fashioned Epsom salts were magnesium powder. Feel for you with the 4 attempts at an IV Debz. If you don't have family support around, let us be family for you xx
Hi Christine, thanks for the hug. Like most women I have a habit of putting myself last and helping others first. Think I need to help myself & allow the emotions to catch up with my physical recovery. They warn you about fatigue but I wasn't prepared for the toll it would take. Jesus said come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest for your soul. I hope you find that rest xx
