It's okay to be really sad
Hi all,
i haven't been on here for months. To be honest it got to the point that I would cry over every post I read. Which was strange because I never cried over my own bc diagnosis or treatment. I've always sucked at dealing with emotions, shove them down, keep busy, get on with life. So in the last few months I've been focusing on getting back to work, pushing myself physically to cope with being on my feet for 12hr shifts, helping my patients and their families deal with their grief and stress.... but ignoring my own.
Today was the BCNA forum in Brisbane and the first guest speaker was a wonderful psychiatrist who spoke on emotional and mental well-being after a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm a Christian and fully trust God with the outcome of my bc, but I think today was the first time I heard someone say "it's okay to be really sad about what has happened to you". I'm SO SICK of being told 'just be positive', she said we should smack the people who say that to us, but only metaphorically, darn. Every time some one says that it invalidates the feelings of grief and loss and sadness and shock, that are perfectly healthy when confronted with bc.
So today I'm feeling rather fragile and sooky, and that's ok. It's probably time I allowed myself to start that emotional journey to recovery.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings,
love, Tracey ??
Comments
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Hi Tracey it is tough going back to work and caring for others. I'm a carer in the community and I really struggled going back to work. I also found on Tamoxifan my anxiety was really bad. I'm now on Arimidex and feel better except the the bone aches make me feel like a old woman. I remember people telling me how strong I was and it used to annoy me so much. One of sisters was really bad, in the end I told her to stop..
I'm 3 years next Feb and I still have bad days, I have friends telling me my body has been through alot and so has my mind. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal xx
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Hi Tracey, we sometimes just need to hear the words that validate what we have been / are going through, so I'm glad the session you went to has helped.
It's so true that it is OK to feel sad, we need to grieve and to process what has happened and although most if us put on the strong / coping / positive face there are times when we need to be allowed to just say "I feel sad" and for others to just hear us. Best wishes to you. Jane xx
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Hi Tracey...I have been diagnosed with DCIS in January had my op in January and had my last radiation on the 7 April ... And right thru it all everyone that knew keep telling me to be positive and telling me I look good .... Even thou I felt sad lost
angry and annoyed at people saying things like that and yes I knew they all meant well but it still made me upset and I just wanted to sock them one lol never did of course I just smiled and said tks but yes it gets on your nerves
but even now I still get told to stay positive and I guess as my first year mammogram comes closer I will start to stress over it
sorry this wasn't meant to go this way I was just going to agree with u but once I started it all came out
stay safe and well
kate??
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Hi Tracey!
Oh I couldnt agree more!!! I'd love to slap everyone that has ever said just be positive!!! it actually as ZERO to do with it. Whether you are naturally positive 24/7 or mildly indifferent, the point is we are all who we are, and how we deal with things in life and especially a crisis is completely individual to each of us. There is no right or wrong. The thing is it is so very true, we are allowed to feel every emotion possible because its real and its honest of what we are going through and it validates us, so its OK! You know my life so far is testament to what a strong resilient woman I have demonstrated to be and yet you hear people say 'be strong' Ummm as opposed to how the rest of my life wasn't? people are well meaning, but I find things like that actually belittle the depth of how you feel.
So its OK to have a sad day! a mad day, whatever it is! believe it or not, its in validating all our emotions and letting them sit with us, it allows us then to move through them and out of them again, instead of pushing them aside and being brave or strong or positive!
Hugs
Melinda
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Ohhh Im on Arimidex too and the body aches OMG! I too am like an old woman!! very disheartening, so I keep exercising and moving. Uuugh
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Thank you ladies
Perfect timing to read your comments. Somehow hearing someone say or in this case reading, it's ok to be sad, actually makes things feel better.
Its hard not to spend every moment acting 'strong', 'brave', 'normal'... 'Getting on with life'... When really underneath you really want to cry, not get out of bed, not have to go to work.
But we do don't we. And somehow another day passes and hopefully with a few more smiles, some laughter and a layer of love. And then perhaps there will be more good days which give us strength for the sad days . It's ok to feel poor me sometimes.
Don't forget to remind yourself how amazing you are to get this far and breathe
Janine xox
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Hi Tracey,
Thankyou so much for sharing such an honest & candid post.
I must admit that 1st time around, having been diagnosed with a low grade, stage 1 breast cancer that only required a lumpectomy & radiation therapy I just felt so lucky & positive.
But having been unexpectedly diagnosed with a new primary tumour in my 'other' breast at my 1 yr checkup a few weeks ago, I can relate all too well to those feelings of sadness, grief, shock, loss you mentioned.
Recognizing & embracing that all of those feelings (& more) are normal is indeed an important part of the journey towards recovery
Take Care
Mel xxx
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Hi Tracey, I understand where you're coming from in regards to getting upset with some of the posts on the site. I feel sorry for people that are suffering It is ok to have a sad day, even two, then we pick up & keep moving forward. 'Positive' is not one my strengths but we all need to try. Difficult to achieve. Hang in there, this is the place to ramble if yo need to, all the best, Hazel
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Hi Tracey - glad to see you back!
Goodness don't beat yourself up! It's the roller coaster that we're all on and some days are better than others and we are all here to support. Yes I am similar in that I have coped extremely well with my diagnosis however I do feel sadness when I read some posts.
For me personally what I struggle with is the hidden extras of our treatment and medication, they give you a list so you are aware of what you may or may not get in the way of side effects but goodness even if it is only one side effect it is debilitating. Fatigue is the major one for me!
Hope you find your emotional recovery not too bumpy, take as long as you need, don't feel pressured to be positive as a result of someone suggesting you should be! We all get it!
Sending you a virtual hug, please take care and solace in your faith from Christine xx
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I enjoy following your posts and you are extreme ly busy,but bring a shining light to me and others.I am so glad you went to the program and it was said it's ok to be sad.I am told I am brave but there are others that are much more braver.Like you.I am chemo no 2 and first one went well except constipation lol but this time I have x4 pin cushions but finally I got it in after an hour.Or they did.I don't have any family/suppory do enjoy hearing real people and real stories.debza
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Hi Melinda and Tracey omg same same couldn't you whack them(not violent but frustrating)That's there excuse to stay away.lol I am redolent strong,innovative and more but as soon as you say Yes I am fine they say good I knew you would you are the strongest.Bull just the time I need support they run.I saw my mum 5 friends and 12 rellies go through cancer and care for them.debza
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Lovely to see your smiling face again Tracey and reading your post. Thank you.
Almost 12 months to the day I received the diagnosis of bc. I'm having some tummy problems that the GP is investigating......and I think it's the first time throughout this damn order I felt really down. Yes I've had other 'off' days but today was different.
coming on here reading all the replies, well it really lifted me.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing your feelings and thoughts.
Anne-Marie ??
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Dear Tracey
Please do not think that you are rambling. You must be exhausted working 12 hour shifts. I admire you so for being able to do this. Since my diagnosis 12 months ago my life has done a complete turn around. I am very lucky that I have had paid sick leave all this time. Many years of working for the government and not having any time off will do that.
I am nearing the stage where I have to go back to work. I am so dreading this. Yes if another person says to me be positive I would truly like to give them a smack in the head (only joking but everyone here understands what I mean).
I am on Letrozole and have monthly injections of Xvega. I am up and down with my fatigue.
Yes it is ok to be sad about what happened to you. To all of us.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
Love Sandra
xxx
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Debza,
I have to agree, when you are the one who is always strong, people don't tend to know what to do with you. Honestly, this 2nd time recurrence I had a few friends that were supportive. I also lost a few lifelong friends sadly as I got sick of being an after thought. I actually had not one person bring me a meal, which astounded me. People would offer to help, but unless I had someone who was willing to run my kids around, and come cook a meal, it was tough going. I was actually disappointed in alot of people and realised they just cant understand what youre going through. My Mum passed 7yrs ago and I have no sisters. Cant even really talk to anyone related or friends about this journey, they dont get it, and why would they? Thats why it helps with people traveling this same path. Its made me so incredibly mindful of anyone close to go through this, I know how I can help them.
Melinda xo
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Hi Rowdy, yeah I think I exchanged crying over the posts for crying over my patients. One day I was given a patient with end stage bc, my head was reeling thinking I don't need to see what it looks like to die from bc, but just as bad - how could my work colleagues be so unthinkingly cruel to give me this pt? I skipped Arimidex & went straight to Letrazole, the insomnia & aches make you feel like a 50yr old trapped inside 90yr old body. No wonder it takes time to recover xx
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