Well-meaning help

jd48

Hun Never ever ever feel badly for needing to vent or foor feeling frustrated with a loved one for being overbearing and hard to take at times.

I get some saying be gratefull she is here as I have lost a pernet at an early age and know what it is like wishing they were here. 

I have a mother that could ahve taught Hitler and Napoleon a few tricks in how to never ever give up and get their way. Yes she loves me and yes she does what she does because she believes her eay is the best way for me but there is no other way of putting it - in her determination to get what she bekueves to be the best outcome for me she will bully me trample me over and make my life an absolute misery and she will simply be incapable of hearing or understanding why what she wants me to do or is doing against my wishes needs to stop. And if physically stopped and there were times I had to physically step in front of her to stop her from doing something to my gome ir even myself or even demand her to leave and on 2 ocassions forced to go as far to call the police to remove her as she refused to go and I was having a breakdown fighting her and only then she would leave she would heroffciurse outraged and enraged. 

And the hardest thing is that we know they love us and do what they do out of love but frankly some are incredible strong personallities and it is incredibly difficult to set boundaries while trying to keep stress levels down while ill and weak.

I am in no way suggesting your mum is as difficult as mine by the way. I know my mum has a very special kind of crazyness but she is my mum and I love her and I know she does what she does because in her crazy way tlshe is incapable of stopping her self from 'helping me even against my will as she knows best''.

It is because I know what she does is out of love and fear for me combined with her personality that I vent to others. So to minimise hurting her.

But at the samemtime we have to protect ourselves. Be it out of love or malice when someone is putting pressure on you and stressing you out it interferes with your healing process. BC is not my 1st "fight to live rideo". I have been there before as I have a crap genetic make-up and for the past 20+ years have fought hard to live due to several condituons. Have had a far more major surgery a few years ago when I was next to immobile for a few weeks and had the same battle with 'I am helping you' well meaning loving people who simply refused to hear me and did what they believed I needed, when they believed I needed them and were not hearing me. That is why this time arround nobidy knows about my BC and Chemo. Mum is supposed to go o'seas this weekend and be away for 2 months so keeping it a secret as as much as I love her there is no way I could survive her well meaning help while battling whatever Chemo throws at me.

Hun it is not easy but you know what you need. Never feel badly to ask for what you need and to stop people from doing what is stressing you out. They may be hurt in that moment but they will get it. They will understand that you need peace and understanding so that your mind can digest what is happening to you. You need to heal and to have the right frame of mind to both fight cancer, bear Chemo and its sideeffects and be the person you are to thise arround you.uYou will still be mum and wife and daughter and sister and frind and coworker etc... but you need to be you in your own way that works for you in this moment. 

You are number 1 in this situation as you need to be strong and at peace so you can get through this. Never ever be affraid to set boundaries. Tell them what you need and tell them you will call them and take them up on the offer of help if you need them BUT you need them to understand that you need to figure out what it is that you do need and until then they have to let you digest it all and respect that you need time to figure it out and that yes you may be a cancer patient BUT you are not a toddler - you are an adult who knows her self and her needs.

And never ever be affraid to rant and rave and vent to us. You need an outlet so even if not wanting to do it in a post feel free to message me any time - I promise I will understand as I am in the same boat ????????

Hugs

Jel.