Yet another new girl
Hello everyone
My name is Holly. I am 34yrs old and was diagnosed with stage 1, grade 3 invasive breast cancer in June this year. My tumour was very weakly receptor positive ER+1 and Pr+1 HER2-. No family history of breast cancers so just damn unlucky I guess. It's taken me a while to try and digest this diagnosis and be ready to receive help but i've finally joined up to seek some much needed support.
I had a partial mastectomy in June followed by four rounds of chemo every three weeks. Wow what a rough ride that is! Finally finished chemo and now waiting to start 6 1/2 weeks of radio starting next week. Then to be followed by hormone therapy, Tamoxifen I think, even though they say it probably won't help me that much as my receptor status was so weak. At my age you try anything though right?!
Not sure how most young women feel at the beginning and i'm sure it's never fun, but it's certainly been no picnic for me! To say that I am lost, confused, angry, bewildered, depressed, fearful, frustrated and just downright sad at the whole thing would have to be the understatement of the century!
I have always been the strong one in my family, the glue that holds everything together, but now I feel totally helpless and so do they. Is it normal to feel so totally disconnected from the world in general? It's like i'm living someone else's life having been robbed of my own young life in ways I never thought would be possible.
Having been made redundant earlier this year and separated from my husband only 1 week before my cancer diagnosis, I am now suddenly faced with being alone, having no hair, bad nerve pain, puffiness from the dex, suffering with terrible night sweats and hot flushes having been thrown into early chemo induced menopause and the prospect of no children to name just a few. Hello, self esteem, where are you?
I am trying to stay really positive and have managed to keep smiling so far (mostly anyway) but sometimes it's all just a bit much when each new appointment seems to bring up more issues to contemplate and bad news to deal with. Does it ever get any easier? I miss my happy confident self and feel like i'm being punished for something but i'm not sure what it is. Can't help feeling like i've done something wrong, Is this normal?
Cheers ladies, sorry to sound so dreary, it's nothing like me normally I promise!! Any comments or tips on how others get through the beginning would be appreciated, thanks 
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Hi Holly1981 and welcome.... Newbie here too and yes no family history here either. I guess we are the "lucky" ones. Yes I was the strong one in family and keeping it all together, with a hubby and 3 teenage kids you have too, but now I have put my hands up and said ok now you guys have to take care of me..... I'm very strong in the sense I have not broken down yet except when told I have BC, now I'm ready to start the fight and get on with what I have to do.
Can I ask did you have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy first? I had lumpectomy, now chemo and then made decision for mastectomy.
Be positive and stay strong no matter how hard it is.
Chriss
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Thank you Chriss
I know what you mean, I only broke down once so far when I went for genetic testing last week! They are testing me anyway even without family history as my type was so aggressive for my age. I have only had a lumpectomy/partial at this stage but am currently waiting on more biopsy and genetic test results that may mean I will need to do bilateral mastectomy. Scary phase right now! I didn't want mastectomy straight off as I haven't had any children yet and went through IVF round before I started chemo to try keep that option open.
You are so strong Chriss, what a huge decision, but very wise with a young family as you say. Good on you
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Hi Holly, and welcome to the network. Sounds like you've already been through so much. I hope that you have someone close to support you, be it family or friends. Try and link up with a local breast you support group, it's good to meet with people who know what you're going through. My breast care nurse linked me with my group. Have you been to a Look Good, Feel Better workshop ? They give you cosmetics, and show you how to use them, they also demonstrate nice hats and head wear, along with linking you with a local wig bank. My only advice is to remember how strong you really are, look what you've coped with already. You are remarkable girl, put that lippy on every day, hold your head up and be proud of yourself. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ??????
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Hi Holly welcome to the site, so glad that you have found this site there is alot of support here. I'm pretty sure there is a young womens group here that you might like to connect with.Treatment varies for everyone it is a tough trip, ask for help from where ever you can get it. No need to apoligise the amount of times I have got on to vent and the ladies have come out and chatted, it helps.
Take care and one day at a time xx
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I am so so sorry you have to go through this - it sucks so much
you have come to the right place for support - we all get it
Your feelings sound completely normal but access a psychologist if you need to, they can help
What a lot of losses you have had to deal with this year
hugs !!!!
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Hey holly.
Sounds like you have lots to deal with. Take it one step at a time dont look too far ahead as it can be overwhelming.
You will always have friends here that understand from experience. Everyone reacts differently to treatment so dont beat yourself up over what may happen. I planned for the absolute worse possible scenario and found that chemo wasnt anywhere near as bad as i expected. A lot of the side effects can be treated so make sure you let your oncologist know what you are feeling. Its important to stay positive with baby steps you will surprise yourself how you will breeze through it all.
Sending positive vibes your way and dont hesitate to ask questions here as there are ladies always happy to help. ??????
Maryrose
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Hi Holly,
Welcome to the network. It's the support group that has been my lifeline. You've been through a lot. And Yes there are so many different breast cancers that everyone's treatment is slightly different depending on the pathology.
Contact the Look good Feel better to attend a workshop. I had a fun day sitting with a bald head being pampered with makeup, and tried various wigs. I found various ways to tie scarves from youtube. There's also a young women's support group online here and also through cancer council. I joined a yoga group during my chemo at the Chris O'Brien lifehouse, most of us are BC women of all ages. It's been invigorating, relaxing and a great way to meet other women (we have lunch afterwards). I'm sure most hospitals now have yoga.
What you're experiencing is entirely normal with the emotions. The amount of times I've cried in doctors' surgeries and gone through tissue boxes at home. You haven't done anything wrong (I thought that too!) It doesn't help when doctors can't give you a cause. We don't feel sick but the treatment makes us sick.
I've found the menopause symptoms to be depressing, no sleep doesn't help and I've started taking remifemin (recommended by my oncologist)Exercise is the key too, even just a walk.
Take one thing at a time,
Sending you a big hug,
Karen xx
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Hi Holly
i am a few years older than you but still young to be diagnosed with breast cancer, although sadly it seems more and more young women are being diagnosed. I had a triple negative cancer which was overlooked as something non aggressive the first two scans I asked for after I first found a lump. Unfortunately by the third time I went back (post my baby) it was four lumps and in my lymph nodes.
I had six months chemo, and yes I agree it had to be one of the most horrible things I have been through. I know some people can work through their treatments but I found mine debilitating and was so nauseous and unwell I couldn't do anything. I guess lucky for me I was on maternity leave still ?? My partner had to stop work to be at home to help out with our baby so it has been an extremely hard year for us having to move, not working and being on benefits (for the first time in my entire life and I really hate it), plus going through everything else. I've now had surgery (I had a lumpectomy I guess they call it but it was a large wedge of my breast and boy am I lopsided now!), and am on the home stretch of radiotherapy. Like you I didn't reach out to any groups for a long time, and even now my posts are very sporadic as I find it hard, I guess because it was like admitting I was sick and I just didn't want to.
It can be so hard to stay positive and you definitely don't have to all the time. I know it's even harder when you've traditionally been the "strong" one and have people telling you what an inspiration you are etc etc. I don't feel like an inspiration! I'm just doing what so many other women are doing and dealing with this horrible situation as best I can.
I'm so sorry you are alone, or feeling alone, going through this. It's such a hard path there's no denying that at all. I also lost all my hair, ALL of it! I felt like some horrible bald alien and that anyone looking at me could tell I was sick. I invested in a good wig, and it really is worth paying for a good one! And bought lots of eyeliner and practiced how to look like i wasn't missing all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I also got a wig with a fringe so I didn't feel so obvious. Some women totally rock the whole look though and wear the wraps, etc, it's really what makes you feel most like you, as much as you can.
The good news is, you come out the other side. You really do. I feel like the majority of this year I've lived in a dark hazy cloud of feeling sick, tired and aching, not my normal happy self. I thought i'd never remember how to laugh and make a joke again or how to socialise and be normal around people including my friends, but believe me you will. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or next month, but you will.
Sorry for the long post, this is the most I've ever written!
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Hi Holly,
I was diagnosed in may and this network has been my lifeline someone is always here for you and the advice is invaluable, I'm thinking of also joining a support group. I absolutly agree with Tracy a Look Good Feel Better Workshop it's a really good way to meet other women undergoing treatment and they are fun I did one in October and it was awesome I am 46 so I can't imagine how you must feel about going through menopause I too am starting to go through it thanks to chemo but we have to get better, support is the most important thing and really gets you through, do you have a Breast Care Nurse they are amazing I have 2 McGrath Breast Care Nurses who are amazing and 1 from the Cancer Council NT and she's great too sometimes you need to talk to someone who isn't family/ friends and they are great and the women on here are amazing we are all at some stage in our journey and we are all here for each other. Sending you a cuddle and a smile and heaps of positive vibes.
Anitaxx
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Thanks so much Tracey, it's so reassuring just to know there are others out there that know just how I feel! I will definitely be looking into a Look Good Feel Better workshop, it sounds like a nice idea.
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Thanks for the advice rowdy, I have joined the young women's support group now so hopefully I am on the way to feeling much better! Cheers xx
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Thank you so much for your reply Tanya! I can't believe how much you are going through also. It's bad enough the first time! I too am awaiting the genetic test results about BRCA, (they decided to test me anyway even with no family history as my tumour was so aggressive and in an unusual area for my age) So waiting to find out as it may mean bilateral mastectomy and ovary removal for me also if I do carry the gene
It's so hard not knowing what the future holds. Like you I wonder what I will happen with work, family and relationships. I guess it will all work out in the end if we stay positive. I think the idea of a psychologist is a good one, even though i'm really terrible at talking/opening up about my problems, I guess it's time to face it all.
All I can say is that hopefully this is us getting all of our lives worth of bad luck done with and it will be much better times from here on in!
Stay strong, you are truly amazing xx
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Thanks for your lovely words of support Karen. I have now looked into the idea of yoga as you suggested and it looks like there is a local group I can join on fridays, not specifically for cancer patients but says all are welcome so I'll give it a go!
You are right, one of the hardest things for me is that often (except during chemo of course) I don't feel sick. If I put a wig and makeup on, I don't really look too sick either. So when I go out people think I'm all ok and then wonder why I get so tired etc. They don't understand the muscle loss or aches and pains I have underneath! I'm used to putting on the brave face and pretending it's all ok but at the end of the day without all the gear on, i'm faced with the real me in the mirror and it's the constant reminder of what i'm going through that I can't escape from.
I am working hard on trying to see the beauty within and understanding that (hopefully) after surgery I am cancer free and it's just the treatments that are still making me feel sick as you say. Hearing it from others does make it much easier so thank you once again!
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Marni, I can't thank you enough for your lovely post! I am so sorry it's been such a difficult journey for you, I can't begin to understand how hard it must be going through this with a young baby. You must be one amazing lady!
I have never until now used any type of social media as I am normally a very private person so I really appreciate you replying to me. It's hard as you say to let the words out because it really is like admitting there is something wrong. I can truly identify with the lopsided and no hair alien look too as that is exactly the same as what I have!
I too had to move house (during my first chemo round actually) so I know how stressful that is. It's great to know there is an and in sight though as you say. One day at a time for now I think! It's nice to feel that it's ok to have 'bad' days sometimes and that i'm not on my own when those dark clouds appear.
Thank you for the kind words, wishing you health and happiness
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Thanks Anita, lovely to hear from you. I will look into the McGrath breast care nurse, sounds like a great support.
I have read that acupuncture can help some women with the menopause symptoms. I spoke with my oncologist about it and she seems to think it's definitely worth a try as she has seem some positive results, so I think it can't hurt for me to try it! I'm pretty used to having needles poked into me now anyway!
Here's hoping the hot flushes will subside for both of us soon and we can have happiness instead xx
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