So out of control

Kim22

Thanks Hazel, great to know that life after BC and you are doing well and actually come out stronger. It is reassuring to hear & know what others have gone through, their tips and advise - it gives me something to hang on to, Many thanks and kind regards Kim x

nicole h

Hi Sharon, only just found your reply to Kim's post. I'm going through that neglect with my husband right now and feeling like I'll soon have to battle divorce as well as bc. How did you cope??

I feel now like I'd rather look after myself on my own than be looking after everyone else expecting help that doesn't come. Unless of course I have a meltdown then I get full on help for 24hrs which only puts me backwards anyway. I'm sick of asking for help. How and when do you get to be selfish and just look after me?? Nicole xx

Sharon Leigh

Hi Nicole h.
Apologies for not replying earlier. I have only just got back onto BCNA network as a tumour was discovered in Nov. 2016 but removed Jan. 2017. Radiotherapy to follow. My husband hasn't changed. I went to see my Oncologist on 30/1/17 after the surgery, by myself. Hubby made no enquiry about the appt. or what was discussed. I found friends from church, my old high school and prayer the biggest support ever. I know a lot of marriages suffer during cancer treatment. Some married men forget their vows "in sickness and in health". Hope you coped in 2015 and after that. Sharon x

Afraser

Hi Kim22

Your boss is a bit of a problem, isn't she? While I am all for positive attitudes, that doesn't really cut the reality. But practical things to think about - I too had HER positive cancer, mastectomy, chemo, herceptin and hormone therapy. I worked through treatment.  I liked my job, my boss was very supportive and I didn't have nausea or fatigue. Hard to tell what your reactions will be till you start, there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason. Like you, I told my staff at the outset - they were really helpful. I also had them on chemo brain watch, just in case I started losing it! But I didn't. I got tired but only when I had work reasons to be tired (i.e. the normal ones!) and I certainly got tired of having treatment but I think that's pretty normal. 

After the the active part of my treatment wax finished, 12 months on, I changed my job and chose to go to a 4 day week. It was much more about making time for other things and my age than about cancer, although I have no doubt that the thinking you go through when faced with something like cancer had its place too. 

I am 4 and a bit years on from diagnosis, feel good and getting on with life. As others have said, this is doable. Lots of people can advise on specifics as you need them and while the work front is a little tricky, the one day at a time advice is very true. Half the things I worried about at the outset never happened, other things cropped up from nowhere. You can waste a lot of energy overthinking things too far ahead.

Very best wishes.

melclarity

@Kim22 I am so sorry to hear of your story this far, but let me tell you, you absolutely are not alone and everything you described is everything we here have all faced or are going through. My first diagnosis was 2011 in which I did radiotherapy and tamoxifen for 4yrs but worked through and fell apart at the end and had 2 weeks off at the Radiologists insistence as Im also a single parent. I had very little support it was hard. I then had a recurrence in 2015 in which I did Chemo and Im imagining because you are Her2+ you'll need chemo and then Herceptin. It really sounds like your Team has their finger on the pulse. Family and friends are wonderful but they don't "GET IT" the way we all do, because we too are traveling this path with you. I am DISGUSTED in your BOSS! I learnt a valuable lesson in 2015 because I was so ill through chemo I couldnt work for 3 months and I work in Education, there was nothing I could do. I learnt that work wasn't important that I was in the end, so hard for me to let go of that...the other thing too like you I am THE GO TO PERSON for everyone...but nobody has ever been that for me and so I found myself in an unfamiliar territory one that caused alot of frustration, and heartache...BUt KIm I learnt the most valuable thing of all through all of it as I had little support and still raising my 2 children who thankfully my baby is now VCE, that I now PUT ME above everything and everyone, I became important. In terms of work, check with your superannuation as I had one with income protection built in thank goodness, mind you it came a year later but I am now covered til Jan 2018, but I work 3 days. Unfortunately in 3 weeks Im having a mastectomy/diep flap reconstruction but I have NO INTENTION of running back to work. It is so much to take in and so overwhelming!! and the only way I got through was to bring it back to the moment. One thing and and one step at a time, small steps as you find your way through this beginning process. We have a wealth of information and experience here to help you, and even if you want to vent!!! My God!!! have I the past week, coming to terms with preventative surgery!! Uuuugh!!! and its hard to consider yourself lucky because I believe for every single one of us, what we are personally going through is relative. Sending a huge Hug, big breath!! one step at a time! Melinda xo

Brenda5

Please note the date on the post, 2015. I hope everything went well for you Kim.