Feeling sad
Comments
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Yes I have appreciated all the great insights that have been offered here too. I think I will just be thankful for the great support I HAVE had from so many people and accept that other people are sometimes unable to understand what would be REALLY helpful because they have just not been in our shoes (and I hope they never are for their sakes!). Take care and I hope you have a great Christmas! Deanne xxx0
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Families! You can't choose them and you are bound to them for life! I have 2 sisters and a brother and we are all so different.We've had stages of being close and then being distant.I'm sure they cared when I had bc but they didn't offer any support.They are all healthy and don't understand.My brother is a sweetheart but his partner is as mad as a cut snake so he has his own issues.There have been times when I really didn't think I'd be able to forgive my sisters.But we have had a tough year with our mum dying and my sister's husband dying and we've had to pull together to get through it all.So any misgivings and hurt have fallen by the wayside.We will get together at Christmas but it will be a sad one.Like you Deanne,I am grateful for my husband and 2 daughters and many wonderful friends.Sending you big Christmas hug, love Tonya xx0
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Deanne, you seem like a wonderfully kind person from what I read of your posts here. I haven't been here long but I've been in a family long enough to know that they are tough. My brother loves me dearly but won't see me since my diagnosis because he 'can't deal with sick people'. *sigh* It's early days and I hope we can work through that one. It's only been weeks for me and I still have yucky things like drains to put him off.
I wish you a wonderful Christmas with those close to you. We are all working out who really matter to us. Quiet times with those ones are good times.
Take care.
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There's that saying you can pick your friends and not your family! When I told my brothers that I was to have chemo and they would need to help with mum, They both argued they wouldn't be able to do it and what did I do anyway. When I explained that I washed, helped with cleaning, drove mum to all her appointments, bought her groceries, and helped with showering. I don't think they really appreciated what I did. Aside from signing some legal papers I haven't spoken to either of my brothers since. Apparently my brothers don't do sick very well. In fact I haven't had much support or help from my family or friends, just these vague offers of help.
As for Christmas think we'll be spending at mums withy my brothers. Only because I suspect this will be mums last Christmas, that's why I'm doing this. She's in her eighties, smokes like a chimney and as frail as, hardly seems fair!
Family is family though and I will smile and make small talk and only stay for as long as I need to. I wish you all the best at Christmas and just remember, families are like fudge mostly sweet with a few nuts!!
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There's that saying you can pick your friends and not your family! When I told my brothers that I was to have chemo and they would need to help with mum, They both argued they wouldn't be able to do it and what did I do anyway. When I explained that I washed, helped with cleaning, drove mum to all her appointments, bought her groceries, and helped with showering. I don't think they really appreciated what I did. Aside from signing some legal papers I haven't spoken to either of my brothers since. Apparently my brothers don't do sick very well. In fact I haven't had much support or help from my family or friends, just these vague offers of help.
As for Christmas think we'll be spending at mums withy my brothers. Only because I suspect this will be mums last Christmas, that's why I'm doing this. She's in her eighties, smokes like a chimney and as frail as, hardly seems fair!
Family is family though and I will smile and make small talk and only stay for as long as I need to. I wish you all the best at Christmas and just remember, families are like fudge mostly sweet with a few nuts!!
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Wow! I can feel your pain reading yours and other people's responses. I don't blame you for feeling a bit sad. Sometimes those we expect to stand by us are the ones who don't. I was very lucky to have the support of my family before and after my treatment. The brothers admittedly didn't have as much to say as the sisters, but they were definitely there for me. Some of my friends however drifted away which was sad. I know some people have trouble dealing with the big C. However I just don't get them not supporting you on your walks etc.
I send you a big hug and hope Christmas can be peaceful for you no matter how you spend it.
Paula xxx0 -
I hope your get together goes ok too. I guess we can never really understand why some people react the way they do (or just don't seem to react at all).
It has helped to at least share our experiences and hear how you plan to deal with it. Thanks Chris.
Deanne xxx0 -
So true, at the end of the day, we should (for our own little family's sakes) let go of the hurt and pull together again.
This first Christmas without your Mum will be a tough one, Tonya. I know that for my Mum and Dad's sake I need to work through this. My Dad rang me every single day of Chemo just to check how I was. That sort of support is what I need to remember to get me concentrating on the right things this Christmas. Thanks for your Christmas hug. Sending a big one back to you. Deanne xxx0 -
Thank-you for taking the time to respond to this, Natasha. I hope that things go as well as they can for you. You sound like you are working this out ok. This network has been such a great support for me and I hope that you will find it helpful too. Wishing you some good times with those you love this Christmas too. Take care. Deanne xxx0
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I like that 'mostly sweet with a few nuts'!
Wishing you a great Christmas too!
Deanne xxx0 -
As usual you are so good at identifying the crunch of an issue for me. I can kind of understand the lack of contact during Chemo etc but it was the lack of support for what I tried to do to say 'hey I'm well again and want to do something to help find a cure or this awful disease' that really hurt. I guess they just missed that point entirely but it tainted what should have been a big step in my recovery from BC.
But I cannot let it keep causing tension for my parents, my hubby, daughters and myself, so I've had my vent now. I know that I am not alone with this and it seems there is no magic wand to fix these things. I cannot change their behavior or understanding so I will just accept that this happened and concentrate on other aspects of Christmas. I do have a lot to be happy about. Hope you have a terrific Christmas with your family, Paula. Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Hi again,
It's interesting what you said about having your vent and moving on. I just read an article about that today. About how in life we can feel so overwhelmed and instead of bottling it all in it's better just to phone a friend or family member and get it all off our chest. Usually once we have shared we start to feel better. That's what this forum is so good for. I think you are a very wise women.
Hugs.
Paula x0 -
Hi Viv and Deanne,
I hope you don't mind me jumping in on your quote sharing but this one has got me through a few tough times when I have been faced with situations and people that I just don't want to be around and don't feel supported by. I hope this helps some one else :-)
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It does seem like a never-ending journey (wish there was another way of describing it) at times and I am very glad to be at the point I am this year compared to last year. But you do get tired and have moments where it just seems like we are the ones who have to do so much of the understanding of other people's behavior. I think I just needed to say that I'm sad that this has affected family relationships for me and obviously quite a few others too. I'd rather try to get that worked out on here with people who do understand.
It is so fantastic to feel the support on here. Have a good Christmas and all the best for 2015. Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Thanks Daina. My husband says something similar about no one can make you angry unless you let them (or something like that!). I guess we all feel vulnerable at times though and our perception of others is affected by this. When it gets right down to it, I don't think my brother and his wife intended to hurt me through their silence and that is what really matters. They just did not (and probably still don't realise) the affect they had.
Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your loved ones and that 2015 is a happy and healthy one for you. Thanks for all your terrific support.
Deanne xxx 0
