Friends say the dumbest things
I have chosen to tell a select few friends for support but now wondering about a couple of those. I guess time will tell who is who on this with me. I was feeling emotional 3 days after surgery and phoned a friend. After asking how I was and me explaining how confronting it all was this friend said 2 things: 1. Join a support group and 2. You're not the first to go through this and you won't be the last. Seems harsh to me. It did stop me in my tracks and I did stop being emotional probably because I couldn't believe she said this. It certainly has made me very careful what I say in future to her and less inclined to share. I have friends who would never be harsh like that and acknowledge/validate my emotions which is great but this person clearly is not one of them. How does everyone deal with people who basically tell you to get on with it?
Breaking up with your oncologist
hi all, im new to this forum and about half way through my AC/taxol chemo ‘journey’. I’m a stage 3 triple positive, on the menu is chemo, mastectomy, radiation, hercepton and likely neratinib (when I get sick of constipation and want to change it up a little). I have an oncologist and whilst she is nice, I just don’t feel like I click with her. I feel like I’m being provided a service and I seldom leave her appointments uplifted. She’s pretty black and white and straight down the line. Trying to make her laugh with my satirical humour is almost impossible. I’ve been trying to crack her now for a good 12 weeks. No joy. However my surgeon and my new radio oncologist when I meet them, I feel happy afterward. A friend says I’m mad to stick with her and should find a new oncologist. So I’m just wondering has anyone had any experience with finding a new oncologist and the reasons that they did so? And also, how they did it? i feel like if I leave I should be kind and find a way to explain ‘it’s not you it me, we just don’t click’. Because she’s not crap, she’s just maybe not someone I’d have a wine with. Thanks!
Keeping family and friends informed
Hi everyone, Another newbie - routine mammogram in mid Oct, biopsy then diagnosed Nov 21 with invasive ductal carcinoma (13mm). Surgery planned for Jan 2 - lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy then radiotherapy and hormone blockers after. I feel fairly well informed with whats going on and not freaking out too much (today anyway haha). My question is how do you keep everyone informed of whats happening? Is it worth setting up a blog? My husband is great talking to everyone but I'm not keen on going over and over it on the phone or when I run into people when out and about.. If anyone has found a blog useful can you steer me in the right direction of how to start one - thanks in advance :)
How do you tell people and what do you tell ?????
Diagnosed today with Stage 1 Cancer, and already had so much good advice from this forum, my brain hasn’t stopped and now have no idea how to tell family, friends, work - do you do a Facebook status / LinkedIn / twitter post .... do you call? .... should I wait ? Should I give them a link ? Will it upset them ? My poor husband is super upset but supportive and I’m lucky .... your advise and experience would be appreciated xx
Tempered Conversations
Whilst I thoroughly agree that this is a terrible time in our lives I sometimes read posts and wish ladies would read and re-read their posts before hitting the button. Think how you were feeling at the beginning - is what you are saying really what you wanted to hear just then and is it expressed in a gentle manner ? Yes, we need to be honest but please think about the terminology and how it would seem to others coming behind you. You don't know how the person is feeling, you don't know their circumstances (personal or financial) and you don't know how what you are saying may be sufficient to drive the end of their life. Please be kind. Anne
New Online Network - Important Information (Please read)
We’re thrilled to let you know that we are launching a new-look Online Network platform that will be easier-to-navigate and enhance your experience with us, while still allowing you to connect with others going through a similar breast cancer experience. So that our team are able to migrate your information over to the improved platform, there will be an Online Network pause from 19-27 March, 2025. During this time you will still be able to access the Online Network however in READ ONLY format, which means you can continue to view everything but you will not be able to start a discussion or comment on a post. After 27 March, we’re excited to welcome you to experience the refreshed Online Network. We’ll be in touch with further guidance on how to login soon! We’re very aware how important our Online Network community is, and we apologise for the inconvenience of this disruption. If you need information or support during this pause, please reach out to BCNA's free and confidential Helpline on1800 500 258.EMOJI ('Reactions')
Hello members, In a recent unrelated discussion thread there has been a clear dissatisfaction expressed with the current emojis (aka reactions) available or not available to you when communicating in the online network. In relation to the 'hug' emoji, this was an organisational decision to include the hug reaction as it is a popular emoji with the members and BCNA has confirmed it is staying. Unfortunately we are limited within this platform and cannot create 'new' emojis but can replace existing ones (The 'flag' and 'quote' are not reactions that can be used). We have found an interim solution to enable the smiley face reaction to be 'awesome' and hope this will satisfy those that wish to have this option back as well. If you do not like a particular emoji than you do not have to use it and if you have other feature suggestions send the moderators a private message. Final thoughts and gentle reminder: To keep this space welcoming and supportive to members, it is important that we are all respectful. When we are online, we have to work harder because there is no body language, facial expressions and tone of voice to help us interpret what people are saying to us. We remind you to please be respectful of other members and also the staff at BCNA. Many thanks.
Is a blog over the top?
Hi, I'm Kirrilee, I don't even know any answers to fill in the journal page about myself. I know nothing about anything yet. This is what I do know. I have grade 3 aggressive breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and some nodes taken on Thursday (21st Jan). I have another appointment with the surgeon on Friday. I didn't mean to start a blog, it's just that everyone asks so many questions and it's tricky replying to everyone. It seems to be keeping people informed as well as helping me by spending time concentrating on forming sentences rather than starting to panic. Do you reckon it's over the top? xo swimmingthroughwinter.weebly.comImportant update (please read)
Just a reminder to our valued Online Network community, from 5pm Wednesday 19 March to Thursday 27 March there will be a pause to your Online Network access while we transition you over to the improved platform. This means, you can continue to view everything but you will not be able to start a discussion or comment on a post. After 27 March, we look forward to welcoming you back to experience our refreshed My Journey, which will include the new Online Network. Again, we apologise for the inconvenience of this disruption and appreciate your understanding. If you need information or support during this pause, please reach out to BCNA's free and confidential Helpline on 1800 500 258. If you are interested in registering as a new member during this period please email helpline@bcna.org.au and we will contact you when the new platform is live
WHO do I tell?
I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer 2 weeks ago and had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy last week. I’m recovering , but figuring out support has been tricky. I’m single, with a small close circle — amazing women who are already doing what they can, but they’re busy and going through a lot themselves. I know I need more help, but the next layer of friends includes people who always overshare others private news. I’m hesitant to open up, even though some of them might be able to support me practically. I also love my privacy, alone time I'm not good at asking for what I want/ need - and so far have managed. So I’m a bit stuck between needing more help and not being sure who I feel safe relying on. Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you decide who to tell or lean on — especially when trust or privacy was a concern? Should I even worry about privacy - would it be so bad if the whole world knew...? I prob feel it might from romantic and future job perspective... Thank you in advance!
