Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?" This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children. Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting. I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival. I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all. My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story. I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance. Cheers Janet
Grade 3 Triple Negative
hi!! I just wanted to say my first hello and what an amazing place this is to come for loads of wonderful advice and info!! I was diagnosed on 6th Nov with Grade 3 Triple Negative IDC and am having a double mastectomy with reconstruction next wed 4th Dec. I’m a mum of 3 (19,16 & 7) and had only just turned 40 when I experienced a sharp pain in my breast and went to have it checked. No staging as of yet, I had one swollen lymph node biopsied which came back clear and CT was clear apart from pre existing liver hemangiomas (just something else to add to the mix) but still waiting on bone scan results.........if that isn’t the most anxiety endusing thing on the planet I don’t know what is, Ive been hyper sensitive to every ache and pain I get!! Chemo is planned for the new year. Anxious but eager to get into it, all the waiting is the worst 😣
Questions to ask 'Post Surgery' of yourself - to your Specialists - Tick Sheets - Self assessment
I know that after my own surgery, I didn't always quite know what questions to ask of my surgeon and 'the team' that we all see regularly for the first 5 years following our treatment - so I set about looking for 'tick sheets' that would help me, as these appointments approached! I came across some really interesting files. They are all 'multi paged' so I've put a 'sample page' from each document to give you an idea of what is in it. The first booklet is available at most Cancer Clinics and was put out by the Cancer Council - 'Living Well After Cancer'. It is a good one to give to friends & relatives to read as well - to give them an idea of the longterm affects of cancer even after successful treatment - as they often think that once you've had your surgery, chemo, rads & tabs - that you are now 'well'. We all know that that is NOT necessarily the case! :( It really is a lifetime sentence. This booklet covers a lot of areas that concern us all - and may be able to help answer questions in many situations that we face. (sample page) The 2nd one is: "Questions to ask 'post cancer' " - a 'tick sheet' - these questions could be spread across the whole team - your surgeon, Onc and Rad Onc as well as GP. Tick the ones that are relevant to you in the lead up to your individual appointments. (sample page) The next is "Self Care Specific Symptoms" - this sheet could also be for any of your team - with the 2nd section relating more to mental health issues that may impact you. (sample sheet) And finally - a Survivorship Care Plan - virtually a ''Self Assessment Yearly Checkup'' sheet .... which has more specific symptoms that you may be concerned about and also has pages for noting yearly checkups required re Dexa, Mammograms, Colonoscopy, MRI etc - almost a 'diary' to keep re future appointments. (sample Pages) Write down the dates you've had them, and when the next one is. Add any other exams that are not already there You can use any or all of these documents to track how you feel you are progressing - date them & further down the track, you can compare them to see how you are travelling. Take care & I hope these sheets help in tracking your health - both mental and physical. xxx
Granny's saga ..chapter 2.
Some of the members might remember this story, but I'll repeat it for newer members, along with an update. Shortly after my bilateral mastectomy in 2017, my then 2 year old grandson was riding on the seat of my walker, when I treated him to an ice cream. Short backstory...due to his blended family he has three female grandparents. His maternal Nanny, his paternal step grandmother Oma and me, his paternal grandmother Granny. When he was paying the lady at the till, she commented to him..."Gosh you're a lucky boy...your Nanny has bought you an ice cream". With a roll of the eyes and an upblowing of his fringe from his eyes as only little boys can ..he huffed. "My Granny...not my Nanny!!! Nanny's got boobies...big ones..and Granny's got no boobies. She doesn't even have nipples!! (myself in all my not so glorious state of undress noted when going swimming and changing). Well chapter two is this. Last week when visiting the kids, my newest granddaughter, aged two (Amelia) was pulling at her mum's pants in the kitchen as she was cooking. She was demanding "ai ai"...the name she gives her mum's boobs as she is still breastfeeding. Her mum brought her to me with a few books and asked me to distract her for a minute or two. Mielie sat next to me...pulled at my sleeve and asked hopefully..."Ganny..ai ai?" Her brother chuckled and said "You're out of luck Mielie...Granny hasn't got any ai ai..she hasn't even got nipples. Mielie looked astounded and asked "Mielie look Ganny..." I pulled my blouse forward and she peered down then sat upright and said "No ai ai...Ganny got no ai ai...Mielie want booka booka pease Ganny. She got her story and gave me a new one to share.
Emotional Guidance
Hello 👋 I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with HER2 Positive BC. I’m 36 yrs old with two young children and a wonderful husband. I’m struggling with the mental, emotional side of it all and wondering if anyone could recommend a book to read to help me through. I’m struggling with big feelings of sadness and anger. I seem to have lost my want to get up and do every day things. I just want to sleep to forget. I don’t like this feeling and would really like to read and understand coping mechanisms to get me through. thank you x
35 y/o and diagnosed with HER2 positive breast Cancer
Hello, I am new on this online discussion thread but I find it very encouraging. Here it goes.. Is anyone out there who is HER2 positive who is the same age range like me? I just got got diagnosed on the 25th of Nov and I just cried my hearts out because I cant believe that its me. But of course cancer doesnt choose right it just does what it does. The thing is I am a nurse by profession and to read my pathology report I cant believe that what I am reading is my own result not someone else which I am used to doing. Then I started blaming myself because I was not proactive on my health management when I went to GP. She told me its nothing and did not even perform a biopsy which I should have insisted. Backtracking I felt the lump 10weeks ago before I was officially diagnosed and everything was pretty full on after that in terms of the treatment. Right now, I am crying again because I am scared. You see I have two kids a 3y/o and a 1y/o. I cry for the future. I really wanted to beat this cancer. I want to build more memories with the bubs because you know they are still to young to remember me if God decided to take me...
New To BCNA
Hello Everyone, My name is Gavin and my wife (Karen) was recently advised she had BC (March 9th), I’ve been a rock for her and our two kids at home (we’re in our 50’s) and have advised my girls living at home that I’m there for their mums journey and will be her biggest support person, I’ve done a bit of reading over the last could of weeks through these boards and reminded our kids to be strong and positive around mum but also mentioned that it will get a bit tougher for her as the months roll on but if they needed to share worries or concerns, I would be there for them and would love the chance to share mine with them if and when needing too, however advised them we would need to do this away from mum so we can ensure she remains strong and has positivity around her. We have our first appointment with a care team to learn more about things this week and I was wondering what I may expect with regards to her treatment (yet to know) causing tiredness etc, I was hoping to take her on a short cruise for 3-5 days to give her some enjoyment and relaxing time however I see most of the good ones are limited / full meaning the next available time could be Jan 2020. I will ask the doctors but was hoping to surprise my wife but was wondering if I should look at something else prior to commencing treatment or wait until after treatment even though I’m unsure of recovery timing. I know each and everyone’s plan is different and my question may not be readily available for an answer, I’m just looking at things she’s been wanting to do but has never really had the time to so. We’ve already been through a lot of health issues together and I’m just wanting to take some of that worry I see away and for me to try and pre-plan a bit.
Almost
2011 Sister diagnosed with and treated for a malignant sarcoma on her leg. 2012 Sister-in-law diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. 2013 Sister diagnosed with and treated for Stage 3 BC. 2014 Sister's BC returns, metastasised to lungs and liver. 2015 Sister-in-law dies. 2016 Father treated for aggressive prostate cancer. Sister dies. 2017 I'm diagnosed with BC. 2018 Chemo, double mastectomy and reconstruction. Eight years of cancer and death. I just wanted to get through this year without anyone being diagnosed with, treated for, or dying from cancer. 2010 was the last time this happened. I've thought about it every couple of weeks all year, and more frequently as we got closer to the end of the year. We almost made it. Two and a half weeks to go. The finish line was in sight. Two years to the day that my husband went round to my parents' house to tell them I had BC, on the day I had my re-excision for margins, my father tells me that his prostate cancer has metastasised to his lungs. Two years to the hour. It is staggering. Not that his cancer's back, but that for the ninth year in a row, we are here yet again. Prognosis is uncertain at this stage, the spots are tiny, yet to be biopsied and could possibly be held indefinitely at bay with hormone supression. But chemo could also be on the cards, as of course is his death. He's 83 and in very good nick, but I am SO angry, and so defeated. It's not the tragedy of dying of cancer at 47, but after everything we've been through in the last decade it's a cruel, cruel blow. We're not telling the children now, and we may never, but if it comes to it, how on earth am I going to do it? The youngest two, my sister's kids, lived all their lives with my parents until they came to live with me. They are deeply traumatised, there are ongoing psychological and behavioural issues that are monstrously hard and hugely stressful to handle. Progress is slow and fractional. Some weeks ago I told my psychologist that while I was making huge efforts to get myself onto an even keel, and making efforts towards leading a life that was bearable, hope was not something I had. She maintained that hope was human being's superpower, and that she was going to continue to try to get me to hope again. Bitterly this demonstrates why I am right. If I dare to hope, if glimmers of hope spring uncalled for from my subconscious, than my reality slaps them back down again. Thank goodness I didn't let hope back into my life. Thank goodness I stopped it when I started to feel it. Thank goodness I caught it and suppressed it. Because how I feel now would be worse, so much worse. If I'd received this news in a state of hopefulness... instead I feel grimly prepared for the horror to come. It's really hard to see the point anymore. Almost. We almost made it.
