Forum Discussion
Wobbly nearing the end of active treatment
19 days ago I had my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, last Friday I saw the oncologist, yesterday I saw the plastic surgeon and today I saw my breast surgeon.
At the end of the appointment he said see you in six months. Right from the start I always knew that this time was going to be a challenge for me. That when the steady forward motion of appointments slowed to a trickle I would find it challenging. As I left his office I felt OK. I had lunch with a friend but when I got home I had a little cry.
I've put in place some plans and strategies to help me through the rest of the year, which I'm determined to devote to recovery. Plus I've got a list of other activities to play around with to try to reclaim my life, and reduce the stress which has dominated it in recent times. I recognise that I have to find a new normal. But right now I feel a bit bereft and a little frightened. Life will go back to normal, but do I want it to? I can't have been through all this for nothing can I? Can I make something better rise from the horror of the last six months? How long will I feel this way?
At the end of the appointment he said see you in six months. Right from the start I always knew that this time was going to be a challenge for me. That when the steady forward motion of appointments slowed to a trickle I would find it challenging. As I left his office I felt OK. I had lunch with a friend but when I got home I had a little cry.
I've put in place some plans and strategies to help me through the rest of the year, which I'm determined to devote to recovery. Plus I've got a list of other activities to play around with to try to reclaim my life, and reduce the stress which has dominated it in recent times. I recognise that I have to find a new normal. But right now I feel a bit bereft and a little frightened. Life will go back to normal, but do I want it to? I can't have been through all this for nothing can I? Can I make something better rise from the horror of the last six months? How long will I feel this way?
55 Replies
- I've had a better week when it comes to my mental health. It's been relatively stress free. However tonight my niece and nephew were difficult, especially the former. She's 10yrs old and basically had a full on tantrum for two hours. She was extremely rude, aggressive, trashed her room, sobbed & screamed loudly, slammed doors etc for over two hours. My husband wasn't here. I had to get my 18yo son to come and sit with me because if she got sufficiently violent I would not be able to restrain her in my current condition.
Eventually the storm passed, but I've been emotionally wobbly ever since. I'm not coping with the stress of these situations as well as I did before. It's really thrown me, how delicately balanced my equilibrium is. I hope I get stronger as I move through recovery. - @primek It's the Otis Foundation. I'm waiting to hear from them.
- Yes I get the financial impact. Don't firget about the breast cancer retreats. @Soldercrab has the info on tbst. The details escape me presently. Our holidays are riding on his motorbike. We aren't doing overseas stuff or flying anywhere and we have to save carefully. Although our boys are men...they are all still home and not working full time so our income is still tight.
- We have gone through all our emergency money, despite some generous assistance from my father. First order of business is to restore those funds *prays to god of whitegoods & motor vehicles to be merciful*
- Yes that is one of hard parts - heading to the poor house!
Every time you turn around there's another bill, or so it seems and yes I know they are looking after me but it doesn't come cheap! I know I am very tired and fatigued and hence the little things get me down. I have just changed from Tamoxifen which was $19 for 60 tablets to Femara which is $36 for 30 tablets - I nearly chucked a wobbly at the Chemist but pulled myself up! We all have a point that we feel sends us in a tailspin but what brings us back is the knowledge of we're on our way to NED!
It's a long process and we're busy developing a new life as the old one prior to BC has disappeared...........it does get better and there's all of us on here, coming and going, but supporting as we get it!!
Take care x - It feels like I'll never get to that place @primek although I know that I'm steadily chipping away at it. By the time I'm through this, we'll be in the poor house, though as even when they finally deign to give me my income protection money, it won't be much. No holidays for us for a while.
- Love your shift in focus @Primek. Beautiful. K xox
- I returned to work on reduced hours as I was mentally and physically exhausted after treatment. It was on a return to work plan and I didn't work a full workload initially. My work colleagues were great as they were all part of my facebook page and knew what had been happening. It took me 6 months to reach full time work. In the hours I didn't work I worked on my fitness, socialising and just bloody resting. It took me some time to feel well...I'm talking 6 months and even then tired and needing to rest more.
My oncologist and breast surgeon worked my appointments so I saw each one 6 monthly but they alternated so it was someone 3 monthly. I must say I was a little shocked when my surgeon at my 2 year post surgery mark said I'll see you in 12 months...omg...really? But I guess this is part of accepting surviving breast cancer. (Mind you I'm on waiting list for nipples this year so will be seeing him earlier)
I've just started shifting my focus in life. Now it's my health, happiness and fitness and focussing again on my relationship with my husband now our boys are men, something we were doing when bc struck. So part of that is holidays together doing things we always thought about. One thing cancer does is give you a wake up call that our health might not always be there so it's time to grab life by the horns and enjoy the ride. Kath x - @Sister It is a worry. I have a lengthy recovery in front of me, physical and mental, and it is taking a lot of willpower and management of guilt, to rest and take it easy and slowly.
@melclarity says "surrender, feel and heal". It takes real discipline to turn down that throttle. BC is a harsh teacher and we are being schooled hard! My hope is that I can learn some lessons that make my life more sustainable.
