Forum Discussion
Recovery Emotions
After a good couple of weeks I had a bad day yesterday. On what should have been a good one. One bad thing happened, I cried, and the rest of the day was cactus.
I was starting the very first session of the ExMed Cancer exercise programme. I parked, walked fast (running a couple of minutes late) the 20m to the ticket machine, got the ticket and headed back to the car. I saw a man and a woman standing next to my car, gesturing at it, talking and taking pictures of it. My first thought was don't tell me someone's backed into it in the minute my back had been turned. So when I got there, the woman walking away by now, I politely asked the man "what's going on with my car?"
I won't go into the whole conversation but it turns out he was a parking inspector, which was impossible to tell unless you were really close to him and took time to look at the tiny logo on his non-descript zip up hoodie/jumper thing. He was smug, aggressive, didn't identify himself until I asked him who he was. He was unhelpful, bordering on rude and smirked as I put the ticket on my dashboard. Loathesome.
Then I had to wait ages to get into the gym as they haven't organised passes yet, and when I got upstairs the meet n greet had finished, I didn't know where to put my stuff (cos you need a pass to use the lockers) and I couldn't see the exercise physiologist. When he did see me and come over, he asked how I was and I burst into tears.
This reaction is completely unlike me! Normally an encounter like that would get my dander up and I'd be lodging formal complaints!
Today I feel a tad better but absurdly brittle.
Why are my emotions so close to the surface now?? I feel like the slightest thing will have me weeping and beating a hasty retreat to my cave. I've travelled the world on my own ffs! I've given birth with no drugs, stood up to bullies and talk to strangers without blinking an eye. Will this ever go away or is this the new me? I don't like it, I don't like it at all.
I know I feel more vulnerable now, and I'm trying to embrace that and allow it to bring more empathy and softness to how I interact with the world, but I really need my skin to be a bit thicker...
I was starting the very first session of the ExMed Cancer exercise programme. I parked, walked fast (running a couple of minutes late) the 20m to the ticket machine, got the ticket and headed back to the car. I saw a man and a woman standing next to my car, gesturing at it, talking and taking pictures of it. My first thought was don't tell me someone's backed into it in the minute my back had been turned. So when I got there, the woman walking away by now, I politely asked the man "what's going on with my car?"
I won't go into the whole conversation but it turns out he was a parking inspector, which was impossible to tell unless you were really close to him and took time to look at the tiny logo on his non-descript zip up hoodie/jumper thing. He was smug, aggressive, didn't identify himself until I asked him who he was. He was unhelpful, bordering on rude and smirked as I put the ticket on my dashboard. Loathesome.
Then I had to wait ages to get into the gym as they haven't organised passes yet, and when I got upstairs the meet n greet had finished, I didn't know where to put my stuff (cos you need a pass to use the lockers) and I couldn't see the exercise physiologist. When he did see me and come over, he asked how I was and I burst into tears.
This reaction is completely unlike me! Normally an encounter like that would get my dander up and I'd be lodging formal complaints!
Today I feel a tad better but absurdly brittle.
Why are my emotions so close to the surface now?? I feel like the slightest thing will have me weeping and beating a hasty retreat to my cave. I've travelled the world on my own ffs! I've given birth with no drugs, stood up to bullies and talk to strangers without blinking an eye. Will this ever go away or is this the new me? I don't like it, I don't like it at all.
I know I feel more vulnerable now, and I'm trying to embrace that and allow it to bring more empathy and softness to how I interact with the world, but I really need my skin to be a bit thicker...
88 Replies
- Last week was terrible. I saw my GP. She's increased my anti-depressant dose and at my request has found a clinical psychologist she thinks I'll get on with. I have an appointment to see her in two weeks.
- @kmakm @tigerbeth @"Annie C Thinking of you lovely ladies. I think this year is a year we would all like to forget. Family and friends have this expectation that you will be back to the same old you but how can you after what we go through.
Kate what a good idea to see someone to talk to. I know you will find a new you were hopefully you can find some sense of peace and happiness. By the way love the pics of your dog.
Annie I hope all is well with you and what a lovely post you wrote. I love the Kimberleys, I used to live in Kununurra for a while many years ago. Had a bit of a cackle about the fuel filter. I remember years ago i hammered my poor old father about giving me driving lessons and eventually he caved in and I bolted out to the car and jumped in the drivers seat ( an old vauxhal viva ) only to be told "NO Katie, no driving until you learn to clean out a fuel filter, change the fan belt and change and rotate all the tires, no girl of mine is going to be left on the roadside." He made me do it all. It saved me so many times.
@tigerbeth I am glad the funeral went well. Thoughts are with you. xox - @arpie @sister @"Kiwi Angel" @iserbrown @Annie C @Doodoo @kmakm
Thank you lovely ladies for your thoughts
My dads funeral was a lovely celebration of a life well lived , i'm sure he would've enjoyed the celebration !
Over 100 people managed to attend a wonderful testament to a great man.
My dad was , kind & gentle & made no fuss ! :'( <3 - @"Annie C" Absolutely.
- @Samm Sorry to hear you're feeling miserable. It sucks eh? Unfortunately I'm having another bad one. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Hope it is for you. Big hug back. K xox
- Just catching up to see how you are Kate @kmakm and sending big hugs. We must be in tandem some days as I was struggling too on Monday despite the sun shine and being my birthday. I ended up on the couch crying for most of the day/evening - my poor folks must have felt helpless as they are my support network.
i hope today was a better day xx - @kmakm
You just made my day. I was sitting at Roebuck Roadhouse (in 44 degrees heat) having lunch on the roadhouse's green lawn when I read your comment.
I was the privileged one to have enjoyed your company in Melbourne. The curry lunch and a good 'wongi' at Delhi Streets is a memory I will always cherish.
One I hope to repeat.
Take care
Annie - I can feel that @kmakm. I have the Kimberley in my blood & need a visit big time so hoping to be back there next year sometime 😊
- @Doodoo Having had the privilege of meeting @"Annie C" I can tell you it's wonderful experience! She's an old soul and I count myself lucky to have spent time with her.
- @Doodoo
It would be wonderful to meet you.
There will always be a warm Kimberley welcome, with the billy on and "smoko" plentiful to any forum member who passes through our way.
Annie
