Hi Penny. I was petrified before I started chemo. I had memories of my mother's in 1986, and other horror stories that had lodged in my mind. Humans are wired to remember bad news as a protective function, so you never remember the good ones. I had a massive panic attack for 45 minutes two nights before my first infusion. I pulled up my big girl undies nice and high and got myself there for the first infusion.
The horror stories didn't come true. Like the vast majority I had a range of grotty but largely manageable side effects. These days chemo is doable. Be kind and gentle to yourself, come here for advice and whinges whenever you want, exercise everyday (it reduces the severity of the side effects) and keep your eyes on the prize, a cancer free life. Deep breaths Penny, hang in there. K xox