Moving forward
The last 2 weeks I've increased my work hours to 8 hours a day 4 days a week.
I felt ready to do this but still surprised how much more tired I am with just an extra hour a day. I've needed a nap when I've got home each day.
I've also needed to back off my exercise a bit again. Seems to happen like this. Can have a week where I feel really strong then a week when super tired. This week I'm super tired and my sleep pattern isn't so good again. Even though I've accepted the end of treatment I think it is still playing on my mind.
So I am learning to listen to my body. I think if I can manage at least 3 to 4 days of structured exercise I'm doing okay. I try to reach 7,000 steps most days if I can in general movement. I haven't had the energy to swim laps but have at least done pool workouts and aquafit Sundays which is quite intense. Swimming laps takes psychological strength not just physical to keep going. So Zumba and gym out presently but will be back in I hope when I've adjusted to the 8 hour day again.
Weight wise I'm almost back to where I was when diagnosed. Between the stress, my graves disease pushing up hunger, my cancer treatment including steroids, my plummeting of activity on treatment and my bizarre changed taste buds I managed to gain over 20kg and was heavier than I have ever been in my life.
I've lost 20kg since September and now just working off those last kgs to get inside healthy weight BMI. The weight loss has certainly helped improve energy levels, walking is a whole lot easier.
Reduced weight also reduces available estrogen for cancer to grow on. I am on a hormone blocker but it can't hurt to reduce the amount flowing through my system anyway.
I'm slowly adjusting to my appearance change. I am delighted to have hair but with it's altered state , grey and curly from slight wave and brown, I just feel I look so different. People don't recognise me even back to my old weight. So me thinking I look different is not just in my head. I caught a reflection of myself the other night and my hair looked so much like my mothers grey curly permed hair back in the 90s it shocked me. It's not long enough to try straightening yet and the colour is changing so I'm not keen to do anything with it until I know what it is doing. Most definetly is steel grey presently. Ive done 8 years of greying in 6 months.
I finally have a date for my changeover surgery for my permanent breast implants rather than the tissue expanders that are currently in. Those little bits of surgery and removal of my portacath is when I will really feel like my treatment has finished. The stopping of my herceptin suddenly has left me in limbo with no countdown I guess. So looking at this as being the finish line will help me to acknowledge the end of treatment.
So good health is returning...ever so slowly.
I will be forever changed from this experience but I am determined to claim my life and energy back to where it was before treatment. In fact I'd like to believe I can be fitter and healthier both mentally and physically than I was before diagnosis. Watch this space. :)
